For those with both toddlers and infants...may I get some wisdom?

[DeChRi]

I am due in May with #3. #2 will be 2.5yo then. (#1 is nearly 11 and in school full time).

I am wondering what things you found helpful with two kids that age. For example...we cosleep and babywear, but I do enjoy laying baby down while it sleeps sometimes to give me back a break. With DD2 it was in a little bouncer. Now I picture my toddler being all over her. Will I want a pack and play to set it in? Or when I shower? DD2 is sooo curious about this baby and is very hands on. While I see myself babywearing most of the time, I will need safe places for him or her.

Also, what was helpful to have on hand those first few weeks? Premade toddler snacks? Mother's helper? Anything that would have made your life easier?

Any products you love? I am trying to figure out how to get around with all the crud I will need to tote.

Any general advice would be awesome!

[mamadelbosque]

My DS was 29 months when DS2 was born this past august. We had a pack'n play from when he was a baby that we virtually never used with him. But, it has been SUPER nice to have a 'safe' place to lay DS2 down and not worry about DS1 running him over. We had the swing out for the first couple months but it was put away by 4 months - we hadn't used it much in a while and I was tired of it taking up space. I never did get a bouncy seat or play mat for DS2 - we just lay him on the floor on a blanket for tummy time

As for snacks, I've found that Ds1 is a big fan of string cheese and so I've been buying that, as its way easier than actually cutting up cheese. DS1 does a lot of crackers & cheese & pepperoni for snacks, along with apples & oranges & bananas, and occasional berries & grapes as a treat. Oh, and pudding - I buy Kozy Shack which I figure is fairly decent all things considerd and Ds1 loves it.

I honestly haven't worn DS2 very much other than when we're out and about. When I'm playing with DS1 it tends to be on the floor or sitting down and it just hasn't worked out - so mostly I find myself holding DS2 or having him lay on the floor beside us while we play. I've actually been thinking I need to get on babywearer's forums and sell off most of my carriers...

Good luck!!

[Norasmomma]

Honestly I rarely, if ever, put my son down, there really isn't anywhere too safe for him to lay. We set up the pack n play the other day and she will not leave him alone, like ever. He really does take all his naps on me. I shower when Dh is holding him at night while DS sleeps.

I'm not the best example, Dh has been home for much of our son's 3 months of life due to erratic work schedules. One thing that has made things easier for our household is food prep, I made a TON of food pre-baby and that helped with feeding us. I now am also prepping things for easy meals, making and freezing foods like mac n cheese, lasagna, meat loaves, meatballs, etc.....DS gets a bit testy in the evening time so I have started my having my prep done. Using a crockpot seems to help a lot too.

My DD was a bit older when Ds was born, but we have yogurts, cheese sticks and other kid friendly foods at her level in the fridge, that way she can grab a snack on her own, bring it to me if I am nursing and open it for her.

I wish I could say that the baby just can nap, but it just isn't the case. I literally have nowhere to put him, he's on me right now taking his nap.

[dogretro]

We have had a couple foster babies, so we do have some experience w/ 2 babies A pack n play is nice to have as a safe place, and you can put the bouncer in there. Ask around; many moms have one that they would be willing to lend (or give!) to you for a few months. Im assuming you dont have a crib b/c that is also, obviously, a safe place.

For snacks, Im becoming a big fan of monkey platters. You can make enough food for YOU to be able to eat off of it, too, which is a great bonus! I know it is more wasteful plastic-wise, but in our house, individual snacks (esp ones that do not require refrigeration) are the way to go. If I buy a jar of applesauce, MAYBE half of it gets eaten before it goes bad and needs to be thrown out. I have tried other ways & I do at least recycle the plastic. Pudding snacks, baby yogurts, applesauce, cheese slices, ham cubes, etc. You can buy cheese already cut into chunks to save time (dd will not eat these, it's cheese slices only for her!). Idk how much processed food your family eats, but I like to buy food that has v little prep time when a new baby comes. Boxed rices, McCormick pouches, frozen things w/ sauce or seasoning. Jarred spaghetti sauce, mac & cheese, etc. You can still use good meats, whole grains, frozen veggies and such, it just saves a lot of time and effort!

[bebebradford]

I LOVED my pack and play.. I also used a bouncer (not much), and a swing for a good time when I needed to do things.When the baby needed to go down for a longer nap I just put her in the crib-and yes, my kids liked sleeping there. I tried the bassinet but they were so big I think they felt cramped. We tried cosleeping a little while but I was so paranoid I could never sleep, and my second child thought it was playtime everytime she came in our bed. OBVIOUSLY you always have to keep an eye on the toddler, but really.. the toddler will learn to be careful around the baby after a little while. You'll just have to work with them. I wasn't big on baby wearing.. I was always afraid I'd get something on them while I was doing dishes, cooking,etc.. and It made me burn up. I'd much rather just hold them on my hip when they needed to be held.

[amandaleigh37]

Biggest help was when my 2yo could put his own shoes on. Getting out the door became a whole new ballgame when the baby came

[DeChRi]

Thanks All! Great advice.

We do have a crib...one full sized and one mini-crib. Right now we have the mini-crib set up in our room for new baby due to space. It is plenty high but I need to test it out to see if it is at all tippy.

[MamaMelis]

My babe just about lived in one sling or another.....but I will be the odd man out in saying that I also put the new baby on the floor, or in the swing or bouncer while my toddler was around. It was important to me that my son not see my new daughter as some elusive and hidden away item that I had to protect from HIM, and rather someone who was now a part of our family and someone to be protected BY us all, if that makes sense.

Please don't read that as me putting her in any danger, EVER, I just had a lot of trust and faith in my son and it was important to me to be able to trust him around her, if that makes sense.

Other things that helped us.........Slings......delaying solids as long as possible, an easy bed and nap routine for my older child, finding a sling that you can BF your new babe in handsfree, premade meals/easy handy snacks or entire healthy meals for your toddler ~ Help with cleaning or laundry if possible, and making sure to do your best to rest or nap with the new baby while your toddler is napping

[DeChRi]

Originally Posted by MamaMelis

Please don't read that as me putting her in any danger, EVER, I just had a lot of trust and faith in my son and it was important to me to be able to trust him around her, if that makes sense.

I hope my DD2 will be a bit more able to comprehend this concept before baby comes, but right now, she seems to live by a list of To Do's that involve her trying to make a trip to the E.R. daily. An she cant wait to teach baby, lol. With my first, I totally could have left baby down. She was very docile and easily reasoned with. DD2, well, I believe she will grow up to be a stunt woman.

[mbhf]

Originally Posted by MamaMelis

My babe just about lived in one sling or another.....but I will be the odd man out in saying that I also put the new baby on the floor, or in the swing or bouncer while my toddler was around. It was important to me that my son not see my new daughter as some elusive and hidden away item that I had to protect from HIM, and rather someone who was now a part of our family and someone to be protected BY us all, if that makes sense.

I completely agree with this. When my kids were babies (they are now 6 1/2, 4 1/2, 3 and 14 months) I almost never set them down, but if I did it was just on a blanket on the floor. I have never felt like my older children would hurt the baby, and so far so good.

For showers, I put baby on a blanket on the floor in front of the shower and set the toddler up in front of a movie in my (attached) bedroom or just asked him to come in and talk to the baby.

I never really had to sit down to nurse, so after the first week spent in bed with the baby life went on. I encourage my kids to do things for themselves, and by 2 1/2 they have all been capable of getting and peeling a banana or whatever, fruit is on a basket on the counter.

The best thing I can suggest is getting a good back carrier for your toddler. It is so much easier to run in and out of places if you can wear both of them.

[*Aimee*]

I really REALLY think it depends on the kid. My boys are 22 months apart, and I'll be having another baby in a few weeks and he'll be 21 months apart from DS2.

DS1 was SO good with the baby. He never ever hurt him, he would bring him toys or dance for him or whatever he could to make him happy. When I showered I'd put the baby in a little bouncer thing and DS1 would play with water in my shower with toys. Sometimes I'd strip him and he'd take a bath while I showered.

The biggest issue we had was he'd hug him too hard or want to pick him up or something.

Now, DS2 is going to hate the baby. He is very attached still, where DS1 was always super independent. DS2 cannot handle me holding anyone but him, he gets violent with whoever I'm holding. He is also very busy and I could see him tripping over the baby or jumping on him on purpose to play. I'm kinda scared about it actually!!

But like I said, I think it just depends on your kid.

[Llyra]

DD1 was 2 1/2 when my twins were born, and honestly, I never hesitated to set the babies down around DD1. She would often annoy them by getting right up in their faces, or touching them a lot, but she never did them any harm or put them in any danger. I made sure to talk a lot with her about it, about how they could be hurt if she wasn't careful, and she seemed to understand. I think it helped, too, that they would SCREAM if she so much as bumped into one of them. It didn't take her long to learn to dread the screaming, and to go out of her way to prevent it from happening.

That said, though, I think a safe place to put baby-- a play yard, for instance, is a good idea, just in case you need to leave them alone together and you have your doubts about the baby's safety. Those can usually be gotten secondhand cheap, so if you find out you don't use it, it's not that huge a loss.

The hardest part for her was learning to live with our divided attention. She was used to getting what she needed right when she needed it, and being able to ask for help at any time and receive it very quickly, and it was hard for her to learn about, "Hang on a minute." and, "I'm sorry, baby, but we're going to have to do that later, not now."

What helped us a lot with that was setting aside a certain time of day (for us, the half hour after supper) when DD could have my undivided attention. DH would take the babies out somewhere, or down into the basement, or wherever, and DD1 and I would do whatever she wanted to do. That meant, sometimes, that DH had crying babies on his hands, but I think it meant a lot to DD that she could count on that time no matter what.

And somebody to help entertain the toddler, and take him/her out on adventures, even simple ones like a trip to the library, or do messy projects with him/her, is really nice. My mom was great for this, and also I had a friend with a 2 year old who would come over and set up projects with the two toddlers that were way more involved than I could handle with the babies in the house. DD1 felt special, I think, that people were making these special adventures happen for her.

[confustication]

We have an eight year old, a 17 month old, and a 3 month old. Really, it's not as scary as it sounds! It helps that our toddler is REALLY laid back. When the baby was teeny I wore him a lot. Now we find ourselves holding him more and more or helping him sit up (he'll be 4 months old on the 16th, and I suspect pretty much sitting up unassisted. Laid back he is not. ) We don't leave him on the floor with the toddler and leave the room, but provided we're right there, I don't have a problem with the older brother having access to his little brother. He seems to get out all the not-so-gentle play with his older sister, and is quite good with the baby.

We have a pack and play, a basinett, and a swing.

[Learning_Mum]

We had a bouncer, a play gym and for nap time a carry cot (moses basket thing) on the dining table (which is in the living room, so right by us) as DS2 got older I started putting him down in the bassinette for naps.

Also, sit on the floor as much as possible. Helps the toddler feel as though you're playing, even though you're really just sitting there feeling exhausted.

[peaceful_mama]

I would've LOVED someone to be at my house in the early mornings to let me have a little extra time in bed with DD, but it didn't happen. (especially when she got whooping cough at 4-5 weeks! and I spent nights in a chair with her on my chest till she/we were finallly hospitalized....)
when DS2 came along, my mom lived here so now I have that!

I used to make muffin tray of snacks whenever I had a chance and put it out for DS so he had stuff when I was nursing the baby.

If I want to go anywhere in the morning the next day, it helps a lot to get clothes and everything i can ready the night before. (even with this sometimes we are late but it helps!)

I cooked a lot and froze and bought some convienience stuff before DS2 was born. Helped a lot for when dh was not available to cook.


I learned to eat a lot of quickly-made, easy, but healthy stuff when I went from one to two, for the times we were alone. No reason to elaborately cooke either for just the 2 of us.

Also cooking a bunch of stuff for "intentional leftovers' helps a lot--like you need chicken breasts for something? cook extra and have some to cut into strips and make wraps or on salad or whatever.

My crockpot still is my best friend for when we want to go out for a big part of the day and because getting dinner done in the evening is crazy but especially when you've got a newborn--all mine cluster-fed from about4- 5 PM on till bedtime.

Another thing I've figured out that makes life easier is doing all the prep I can early and then doing the last heating and prep at dinnertime--like if we want pizza or fajitas, all the stuff is chopped in the morning and all I do before we want to eat is stick the pizza in the oven or fry up the fajita stuff--20 mins tops. Or a casserole is prepped and stays in the fridge till it's time to heat it for when we want to eat. They are happier to go play on their own earlier in the day.

[josie423]

My third is due in March. DS will be 2.5 and DD will be 14 months. What I learned when I had DD was that mealtimes were the hardest for me. Fixing food for a toddler and having a wanting-to-nurse-NOW newborn were enough to make me want to scream at times.

So my advice is to freeze lots of meals, especially small portions that you can have ready for your hungry toddler. Have lots of snacks available and if it's not always 100% healthy/organic/whatever, don't beat yourself up. Do your best and don't feel guilty.

My DH WAH, so I didn't have to shower without someone there to help me. When I showered, DS would go with my husband and DD would be in her bouncy seat or swing in the bathroom with me. I would put DD in her swing or bouncy seat at times and just supervise DS closely. We didn't have any major problems.

Congrats on your little one!

ETA: If my husband couldn't help me shower for whatever reason sometimes I'd bring both of them in the bath with me or if DD was asleep DS and I would bathe together while she went in her bouncy seat. If we all went in together, I'd get DD undressed but wrap her up and leave her on the floor on a towel. I'd then get in, quickly bathe myself and DS, bring DD in and wash her. Then wrap her back up and put her on the towel and pull the plug. I'd get out and get her and myself dressed and by the time I was done the tub would be drained and DS would be ready to get dressed.

[~Katie~]

I've never had an issue with DS hurting DD or bothering her so I'm comfortable leaving them together without a "safe" spot when she's awake, I do use a exersaucer when I need some personal space but at this point she'd rather be down on the floor crawling around. In the beginning she took a lot of naps in her bouncer and I would place that in the bedroom or hallway away from the main area of the house. As she got a bit older she'd nap in the co-sleeper converted to playpen in the living room by the back door and I'd take DS outside to play. For the last few months she's been sleeping upstairs for naps because she's the least disturbed there by noise, and I just keep a baby monitor on downstairs.

For showers she's almost always hung out in her bouncer and I have a clear shower curtain that she can see me through. DS will typically be watching a show of some sort and has been doing that for a better part of a year, sometimes he'll come in and have a chat but usually he's Mr. Independent. For snacks, anything hand-held like PB&J's, cheese, little fruit and applesauce cups, cereal bars, bananas, etc. I had a post-partum doula until my MIL came to stay for a couple of weeks and she was a LIFE SAVER! I literally did nothing while she was here and she took care of everything, from cooking to cleaning to taking care of DS. It was great and really helped take the pressure off of me during those early days. As far as dinners, my MIL made lots of freezer food so we ate that until it ran out. Since it was only me around to supervise and cook, I'll admit to doing a lot of take-out and freezer food early on until I figured out the logistics of cooking while tending to the toddler and infant. Focusing on quick meals with less ingredients makes life easier as does things like soup and stew that pretty much make themselves without a lot of effort.

With a toddler and an infant it's just a fact of life that you're going to be on the go a lot so don't feel guilty about taking some shortcuts to make your life easier, you'll get into a routine that works for you

[pinksprklybarefoot]

The best thing I did during this time has been to make a snack drawer where the toddler (and kid) could serve themselves. I had a similar problem as a pp where things that were in big containers just didn't get eaten. So I divided up things like chips, crackers and nuts into snack baggies. I also purchased things like applesauce and fruit cups, fruit leather, and some healthier-than-average fruit snacks. It has been a lifesaver, not having to get up every thirty minutes to fix a snack. I even keep little bowls in the drawer in case they want me to open their snack and put it in the bowl - they just bring both to me.

For showers, I just put the baby in a bouncer or a swing in front of the bathroom door (open, of course).

For some reason, I never worried about the toddler hurting the baby. He is always extremely gentle with him. I had no qualms about laying the baby on a blanket on the floor or anything like that. Right now he is sitting on the living room floor chewing on Sophie the Giraffe watching the other two kids play.

[faiths13]

i just had a baby last oct when my ds3 was 25 months. he is very rambuncous and it is very hard to put ds4 down until recently. we have a pack n play and ds3 can climb in it. i left ds4 on the bed to go in the other room and turn off the tv and ds3 was jumping on ds4s head when i walked in the room (he wasnt even on the bed when i walked out). he also sometimes pokes the baby in th eye or hits him on his head. its not because he doesnt like the baby though. he adores him and kisses him all the time. he is just high spirited. anyway he didf feel really bad when he hurt the baby and has mostly learned to be careful so its been better. i have a infant/toddler rocker i put him in now and feel ok to leave the room for a few minutes.

[elmh23]

It really will depend on your older child. My first child was (is!) pretty mellow. She loved her brother, but also new to be gentle. We only had one (big) mishap when he was around 2 months old. I left him on the floor in front of the couch and went to the bathroom. When I was coming out, my 2 year old was jumping up and down on the couch and as I was turning the corner in to the living room, she jumped off the couch and basically body slammed him. Thank goodness he was fine! But that's the day I started the rule that one of them had to be with me where ever I went. So even if I was just going to change a load of laundry, dd would come with me, or the bouncer would come and baby would sit in it.

I will say that pre-washed and pre-cut snacks helped a ton! I had a shelf in the pantry that was basically anything she could eat and for the most part she could get all of it herself. Very handy! We also got a small pitcher for water that we set on the table so she could help herself to a glass of water.

Now this said, we're expecting baby number 3 in a matter of weeks, and the only thing I expect to be able to do the same with this one that I did with the last one, is the snacks and the taking one child with me everywhere. Ds is just a completely different child than dd (not at ALL mellow!) I fully expect our pack-n-play to be in use a lot to protect the little one when I need to do something.