a file that won't allow me to leave the state?

[phenomom]

My husband and I just split up and he said he was going to go to the courthouse today to file a file that won't allow me to leave the state with our daughter. Can he do that?

I was raised in Switzerland and was considering moving there with her since my family is there to help me out.

Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge.

[dachshundqueen]

Yes, the courts do not consider it fair to both parents for one to up and away the child and the courts generally rule "in the best interest of the child". Yes, Judges are fallible, they are human beings. Take into consideration visitation costs. It effectively prevents your ex from seeing the child at all.

http://www.courtinfo.ca.gov/selfhelp...m#whatconsider

I wanted to add that could also be considered kidnapping in some instances.
http://law.justia.com/california/codes/pen/207-210.html

[MissLotus]

I understand the desire to be around your family, but the PP is right. Unless he agrees, it's very unlikely you can just move away to Switzerland with your child. It's hard enough to be able to move out of state, taking the child some place where it's hard for them to maintain a relationship with their father.

[NolaRiordan]

Yes, that's how it works. When I filed for divorce I also specified that my X not be able to take the kids out of state. He had threatened to go for full custody and had threatened to move them across the state to where his parents live. My lawyer said if you're married and there is no legal proceeding underway either party can take the kids and go wherever they want and you would have to file a court order at that point to get them back.

[Avani]

He can depending on where the babe was born and has been living for at least the last six months. There has to be jurisdiction in order to file custody. Switzerland has great laws involving custody/support. Good luck.

[racheepoo]

I'm really sorry :heart Is your ex someone that would be beneficial in your daughter's life? If so, I'd try really hard to stay close geographically.

[Goodmom2008]

You will have no problem moving back to Switzerland. But chances are you won't be able to take your child with you.

Why should he become a long distance parent because you want to move?

Your best bet is to build a support system where you are.

[Sagesgirl]

Originally Posted by Goodmom2008

You will have no problem moving back to Switzerland. But chances are you won't be able to take your child with you.

Why should he become a long distance parent because you want to move?

Your best bet is to build a support system where you are.

This. I know it's hard, but unless he's abusive, he has a right to your daughter, and she has a right to him. Not to put too fine a point on it, it's not about you.

[meemee]

Originally Posted by Goodmom2008

You will have no problem moving back to Switzerland. But chances are you won't be able to take your child with you.

Why should he become a long distance parent because you want to move?

Your best bet is to build a support system where you are.

yup.

i am from asia. i could have moved back. without my dd. but i never considered that as an option. i did not want to take any parent away from dd.

and so i found my support system here. it is definitely hard not having any family here at all. however my dd will never be able to point a finger at me and tell me that i took her dad away from her.

[lilyka]

Absolutely he can. How would you feel if he wanted to pack up your dd and run off to another country with her (for very valid reasons) regardless of if you had the means or ability to go see her?

My dh is not allowed to even take my kids out of the state without my permission (if I do not give him permission he can take me to court to have the custody arrangement changed.) and he is never allowed to leave the country with them. which sucks for him because the woman he left me for is in another country. sad.....of course I have no rights either.... and I am stuck in this forsaken town FOREVER! well I am free to go wherever the heck I want. they can't stop me. however, if I intend to take my children anywhere I have to have permission from the courts. I would love to move back to Texas with my family but that would be pointless if I could not take my children with me.

My friend and her xh lived in different countries. she got her dd for a year and her xh got dd for a year. I think there is no amount of family support that would be worth me seperating from my child for a year!!!! (unfortunately my friends XH didn't care and the courts forced it on her and she could not follow him to germany - he was the one who left the country). this custody arrangement did not last long. as soon as the child was old enough to voice an opinion (and too old to be forced on the plane and strapped down) it ended. She chose to stay in America.

[Super~Single~Mama]

Most likely an order not allowing you to leave the state would be pending a court appearance.

However, I agree with everyone else that NO court, no matter the situation (even most abusive situations) would allow one parent to take the child to a place that would deny access to the other parent.

An order stating that you could not leave the state EVER woudl be hard, but with you saying that you would want to move to Switzerland would very possibly make it impossible for you ever take your daughter to visit your family (a court will sympathize with him being afraid of you internationally kidnapping, and would block you from visiting - only if he objects though).

Do your best to find a support group where you are, and stay put. You are more likely to get physical custody if you can prove to a court that you want your dd to have a dad, and that you want him to have visitation. There are many many other things that go into a custody determination, but at least where I am, thats a biggie.

[dziwozony]

i'm in a similar situation- i am in NZ & am not allowed to leave the country, or even live outside this specific region, with my kids. i grew up in the US & have only been in NZ for about 4 years now. as nice as it would be to go live with my family now that my relationship has fallen to bits, their dad is very keen to be an active parent, so i don't have that ability.

so i understand your frustration, it's hard to be anchored to a specific area when you'd rather be somewhere else. luckily i like it here & was planning on staying for now, but just the idea that i *can't* leave even if i wanted to is hard! (well, *i* could leave, but not with my children).

the same happened to a woman i met here who wanted to go back to columbia, where she grew up, with her child, who is a kiwi. the judge said definitely no. judge's are very reluctant to allow children to leave the country when the parents have split up. if i were you, if you ever want to be able to visit your family, i wouldn't mention wishing you could live there- they might not allow you to have a passport for your child (or insist your X keeps it).

[Ione]

While obtaining the court's (or your ex's) permission to relocate internationally with your child may be difficult or impossible, I just have to say that many of the responses you received on this thread were unnecessarily harsh in their phrasing.

One good article on this issue can be found here: http://www.international-divorce.com/expat_plight.htm

Another good one from the same site: http://www.international-divorce.com...f_children.htm

This article is also good to read, but ultimately not encouraging: http://www.international-divorce.com/ca-switzerland.htm

Good luck, whatever the outcome.

[meemee]

you know i will say this much. i happily and willingly stayed here.

even though while we were married ex had hardly anything to do with dd, i knew he loved her. and as a parent i would feel terrible to put the distance no matter how bad things are between us.

having the attitude that my 'sacrifice' was a gift to both ex and dd helped me deal with lack of support. i wasnt down in deep deep depression that i couldnt come out of. it helped me be positive and seek out help. and you'd be surprised how many are soooo willingly to go sooo out of their way to help an immigrant single mom. however i will also say i got some support from ex's family. a lot of emotional and some financial.

[phenomom]

While obtaining the court's (or your ex's) permission to relocate internationally with your child may be difficult or impossible, I just have to say that many of the responses you received on this thread were unnecessarily harsh in their phrasing.


Thank you Ione. He was upset when I discussed separation with him and threatend me to go file that order. I got scared about what else he could do, what if he would stay angry like this and use our daughter to get back at me. That's why I wanted to know what his/my rights where. Of course I would NEVER leave my child!??! When considering separation I always felt I needed to stay here no matter how hard this would be, just so my DD could see her Dad, even though our (husband and I) plan had been to move to Switzerland when she's school aged because after living with him in the US for over ten years, it was going to be "my turn". Again I just paniced and was upset that he would threaten me with that.

Just felt the need to explain my quick inquire. Either way I really appreciate all of your responses very much.