6.5 yr old took from store, and my purse

[laila2]

My dd was in a stage of lying, but it has gone beyond

She took a cool baloon from savemart, snuck it, then told dad it was something she found in her room that Santa left for her. I saw her playing with it at the store and wanting it, but often when she does this, I do not get her the stuff.

She is not wanting for things. She has enough toys. I was like this at her age and grew to regret the things I took. I told her she will regret it when she is older. We still need to return the baloon. The people who work at savemart are not the brightest bulbs, and I am a bit hesitant to have them handle it with her.

She also snuck gum out of my purse when she was not suppose to. We have a deal, she does some homework at the before and after school program, and she can chew on sugarless gum at the end of the day. She loves it. On this day she did not do the homework. It was a hard week due to being away on break for two weeks. She has the teacher that gives the most homework. It is hard for her because she is a late summer child.

Any advice to curve the behaivior? I need ammo because dh is going to want to be hard on her. I do not want her to loose her self esteem by berating.

[sapphire_chan]

It's hard to want things to be a certain way and then they aren't and you can't make them be a certain way.

That's the lesson for the 5-8 year old, and that's why they end up doing stuff like lying (really, "telling stories") and stealing. They're trying to create a reality that is more like what they want.

I think for the Savemart thing you should ask to speak to the manager and if they seem reasonable, give them a heads up that you don't want to scare your dd, you want her to have confidence that doing the right thing won't be scary. If they don't seem reasonable, ask some inane question when their new sale cycle starts, and just sneak the item back onto the shelf. Take the whole family so your dd can be with dh as you set up the lesson.

If you do have to sneak the item back because the manager seems like they'd freak out, then just tell your dd that you had to return the toy to the store because it belonged to the store. And that next time she'd have to take it back herself and explain to the store owner.

As for the gum thing, remind her she only gets gum when the homework is done (assuming that the homework is reasonable, if it isn't reasonable, I'd find another thing your dd can do to have a chance to have a piece of gum) and that she needs to ask permission to get into your purse for any reason. Ignore it if she lies and says she didn't take the gum or she says her homework *was* done, just repeat the rules about gum and your purse.

[laila2]

thanks

for those wise words

[christophersmom]

I searched topics trying to find advice for stealing. DS stole a small item from school yesterday and DH is mad. I don't get it and it is so frustrating, DS has all his needs met and plenty of toys. The thing he stole has no value even, a small 1/2 inch by 1/2 inch stamped piece of plastic. I really wish there was some advice on how to deal with stealing and encouraging your child not to do it again. Anyone?

Laila, how did you guys handle, how is she doing now?

[new2this]

Originally Posted by sapphire_chan

I think for the Savemart thing you should ask to speak to the manager and if they seem reasonable, give them a heads up that you don't want to scare your dd, you want her to have confidence that doing the right thing won't be scary. If they don't seem reasonable, ask some inane question when their new sale cycle starts, and just sneak the item back onto the shelf. Take the whole family so your dd can be with dh as you set up the lesson.

If you do have to sneak the item back because the manager seems like they'd freak out, then just tell your dd that you had to return the toy to the store because it belonged to the store. And that next time she'd have to take it back herself and explain to the store owner.

I'm sorry I'm not sure I am understanding this right, but are you saying that if the store doesn't seem reasonable then its ok to set the example of just sneeking it back onto the shelf? That is still stealing and not setting a very good example of stealing is not ok. Real life doesn't work that way even if its not worth much its not ok to just sneak it back on to the shelf because the store may not handle it the way you(general) would like them to handle. And I am betting that if caught in the act the store then would have the right to punish even if the thing is worth nothing.

Anyways OP, I would call the store explain the situation that your daughter took it without you knowing. Its not like most managers aren't use to it. It happens. And say your not wanting to scare her, but I would make her return it to the store and say she is sorry. Most cases the store will work with you on it but I wouldn't talk to an associate, it would have to be the manager or manager on duty.

For me I am thinking that she already knew it was wrong because she lied about it. Just not how serious of offense it can be.

I honestly believe this can be handled without destroying her self esteem by talking about it and explaining there are consequences to things like this. Stealing is against the law so to me its has to be shown that it can be a serious thing and why we don't do it.

I was her age when I stole some candy and I was taken back had to say I was sorry and while I was grounded for a few days it was explained to me why and in terms I was able to understand. I think I was around her age and it was .25 worth of candy. So price wise not much but the principle is still the same.

As for the rest I am not any help. Sorry, but good luck

I have had a lot of parents come into my store when I was working retail due same type of situation and never once did we handle it with scaring the child. That was left up to the parents to handle but we did explain that when you take something from a store and not paying for it, it is stealing and that sometimes the cops are called because you can get into a lot of trouble for taking something that does not belong to you.