preschooler adjusting to baby question

[sarahr]

My dd will be just shy of 3.5 yrs when the new baby is born in a couple months. In preparation for the baby, we've been talking a lot about what babies can and can't do and what big girls like dd can do.

Right now, our biggest struggle with dd is the constant whining and fake crying. It is really driving me nuts. My strategy now is to tell her I can't understand unless she uses her nice words and then ignore her until she stops whining. She often responds by saying that she's a little baby and can't talk, so she fake cries.

Obviously when the baby is born, I will respond to the baby's cries. How can I encourage my dd to use her words while still (appearing to her to be) consistent?

[annettemarie]

I'm going to move this over to The Childhood Years since you're asking about a specific age/stage.

One phrase we use a lot is "Use your words." But I think it's also important to remember that children that age can't always pluck out the words they should use. Rather than ignoring, we find it really helps to model the words. So, it might go like this:
KID: ARGH!!! *whine whine whine*
ME: Use your words, please.
KID: CRYYYYY!!!!! *stomp*
ME: Do you want a drink?
KID: I WANT!!!!
ME: Do you know how you can ask in a loving way?
KID: YELL
ME: Mama, can I have some water?
And more often than not, they repeat it back.

[onyxravnos]

ive had a bit of this with my almost 3 year old since the new baby. it can be very frustrating even though i know why its happening.

often i find i use a similar approach that the pp mentioned and i add in a wait and see... often ds will do whatever it is you want him to he just needs to feel like he 'won' so if i said please do/do not do this and he argues with me i just need to ignore the words he's saying by not arguing the point and give him a minute.... more often then not he'll do what was asked (such as stop whining and ask for the glass of water)

[pianojazzgirl]

My dd was 3 when ds was born. Until then she had always been Miss Independent - always wanting to be the big kid and wanting to do everything for herself, etc. But when the babe came along, she (as some... most? kids do) regressed into some "baby" behaviours, including crying and whining instead of using her words. One approach that I took (besides breathing deep and trying to remind myself of what a major upheaval she was going through), was to talk about one thing that I found so difficult about babies was that they just cried and you had to figure out what they needed. Big kids, on the other hand, could use their words and wow, how much easier that was for me, and how much I appreciated that. I talked to her about how when she was a baby she would cry a lot, but when she started saying words and talking I was so excited because we could actually have conversations and I could always understand what she wanted. Basically, I would play up how great it was and fun when kids learn to talk. I would insert these ideas into general conversations about the difference between babies and big kids (also emphasizing all the fun, wonderful things big kids were able to do that babies weren't). During the actual whining episodes I would do pretty much what you do now, which was to explain that I wasn't able to understand what she needed when she talked like that and could she please use her words. "Use your words"... that eternal parental mantra!