Originally Posted by Mamaluu
- Baby carrier: Will try a different one. need recommendations. But question-- can I really move around and do thing efficiently with a 23 lb, 1/3 my size, infant right in front of my chest? With my current carrier (Baby Bjorn) my son is really in my way. For safety reasons I can't cut/chop food with him in front (I can hardly reach my arms far out enough), I can't cook things, it's hard to lower my body to reach something close to the floor, It's hard to do grocery shoping because again his gient body is in my way. And mostly, I can only bare his weight for so long, then I'm totally exsaulsted. Would a different carrier change all this? If so, which one?
Mei Tai or Ergo. Totally will change your life. Wearing a baby way up high (the higher the better) on your back will be so much more comfy than a front carry. Or try a ring sling for a hip carry. 5 mos is plenty big enough for hip or back riding, unless there is a physical reason he cannot hold up his head? You mentioned physical therapy, what is that for if you don't mind my asking? If he has a physical reason that he cannot be on your back, what about using a swing in the kitchen or by your computer/phone when you are working. Just make eye contact and touch as often as you can while you are working. Or a bouncy seat up on the kitchen counter RIGHT next to you can help alot. Even after my babies were officially 'too big' for one, I still used it on occasion while I was cooking (I was RIGHT there so no danger of Baby squirming out and getting into danger).
- Food: handy snacks prepared ahead of time (I'll need to find that time to prepare), and cook meals in bulk and freeze them (I'll also need to find that time). That's actually what I used to do before baby to simplify meal planning for 2 working professionals (me & husband). Now with baby, it's a challenge to find time & energy even for bulk cooking. By the way, besides making dinner and trying to feed myself during the day, I also make & pack my husband's lunch every day I can. Do you do that too or you let your husband's take care of their own lunches?
When you come home from the grocery, make yourself some bowls of veggie sticks before you even put up the groceries. Slice some cheese and put that in a bowl. Boil some eggs. Don't even put those items up until you do this. Make a blender of smoothie and stick in the fridge. Flavor some kefir (or buy flavored) and have it ready to grab a glass of.
Anytime you cook anything, make an extra. Don't worry about a whole weekend of cooking. Just one extra thing, several times a week to feed your freezer will help so much.
Yes, I pack my dh's lunch and have for many, many years. I do it the night before. I never have time in the a.m. Every other Friday he fends for himself (just how the carpool works out).
Great question. Let me explain how it is for me to do anything with baby around and same goes for eating:
Baby starts fussing 2 minutes after I situate him. Then I have to stop what I'm doing and get him, attend to him for a few minutes until I can put him down again, 2 minutes later he starts fussing again, then I have to stop again...it just goes on until I finish or completely stop what I'm doing. And this is EXTREMELY stressful to me to be trying to complete a task in hand with a baby (alarm clock) fussying every 2 minutes. Just to give you an example, last night while trying to make dinner I sat baby next to me in the kitchen. 2 minutes later he started fussing. I had to stop, drop the raw chicken, wash my hands real well and come get him. Attended to him for a few minutes, sat him down, a minute later, I had to drop the raw chicken and hurry up washing my hand so I can get him again, by then I forgot something was cooking and I overcooked.... I felt INCREDIBLY anxious trying to cook the damn dinner, totally irriated that baby kept fussing, and was wishing that baby would just go away and leave me alone somehow :-O How terrible is that? I don't want baby to go away; I just wanted to finish my task, but I got to the point where I was actually aggrivated with a little baby who I can't get enough of - that's how bad (anxious & stressful) it is for me to try and do ANYTHING with baby around. Exactly the same goes for eating - stressful to me, keeps me tense all the time knowing that I've got an alarm clock that goes off every couple minutes. I could hurry and still eat, but I feel like I'm always trying to HURRY up, and I think that's part of the feeling that leaves me so burnt out at the end of the day. Feels like I'm being chased all day and I need to keep running and hurrying up all day, and on the other hand, I feel bad that my son is crying out for some needs or my attention all day long while I try to do MY STUFF and I'm not attending to his needs.
On "baby fussy/needing constant attention", a few of you said you were just "mean moms" who kind of ignored the baby's noises. I don't think I have what it takes to do that. And also, I can really see his reasons for fussing so frequently recently - he is learning & practicing lots of new skills that he doesn't have down yet. When he tries so hard to get a toy into his mouth and it just won't go in the right way, or when he tries so hard to pick up something and he just can't grip it right, it's so extremely frustrating to even watch that process. I let him practice on his own and figure it out, but he needs help at times, and he gets frustrated a lot. That's why every few minutes he is fussing about something, and I feel really bad leaving him alone helplessly while I work on my stuff. I want him to know I'm here for him (and therefore feel safe, secure, trusting); I don't want him to think he is not important and he always has to wait until I finish my stuff or that I don't have time to attend to him.
He is 5 mos old. My bet is that he's not actually as frustrated w/that toy so much as teething. Even if you see no signs of teething, ALL my kids were frustrated, drooling, fussy little messes at that age (when they weren't busy being extremely cute, of course!). Instead of some of his toys, try a frozen washcloth (squeeze most of the water out first, so there's not huge ice crystals all over it). Put it in a baggie and stick in the freezer til it's frozen (I always kept LOTS in the freezer) and then give it to him to gnaw on.
Babies/toddlers need to experience some frustration. That's healthy for them! They don't need to get to the point of full blown wailing, but a little frustration is not going to hurt one bit.
I don't think it sounds like you are in danger of your baby not knowing you are there for him. Moms HAVE to get other things done, within reason, of course. You have to eat so you will make milk so he can eat. That's a fact. How fussy do you think he'd be if there was no milk?
One of the biggest kitchen helps I learned was to buy those cheap disposable gloves. When I am working w/something that is very messy (like raw meat, or doughs, etc.) those gloves are a lifesaver. I would never want to pick up my baby w/raw chicken on my hands either and am very OCD about handwashing. W/the gloves you just yank 'em off and put 'em in the trash and tend to baby and then use another pair. Yeah, you'll go thru alot, but it won't be forever.
We all want time to just be w/our kids. However, at our house we believe that the child is NOT the center of our world at all times. They can't be, or my house would fall down around me. Sometimes they have to wait a few minutes. Sometimes they don't get what they want at all. It's part of life and learning to belong in a world full of lots of other people.
Many of my to-do's aren't exactly child related. While some have mentioned that I'm trying to do too much, and that many things can be put off (or left undone), I'm going to share some of my to-do's just to see if it looks any different from what a typical SAHM (you ladies) have, and how come I'm feeling so swampped while many of you actually have the luxury to just hold and be with your baby all day and don't have as many need-to-do's as me. Here are just a few examples of my STUFF:
- Errands like post office, bank, library, grocery shop, shop for other household necessaties, pharmacy, oil change, change tires on car...
These don't need to be done every day, so see which ones you can combine, give to hubby, or skip. Pharmacy stuff can be switched to home delivery, can it not? Oil changes and tires can be combined and only done every so often anyway.
Try more online shopping, which can be done w/Baby nursing or on your lap playing w/a toy. Alice.com can help you organize your household necessities and automatically ship to you however often you need. Amazon.com has tons of stuff! Get the Prime and you'll get quick, free shipping for one fee a year.
Bank....you can mail deposits and do all other banking online usually.
- Appointments like doctor's visits for myself & my son; weekly physical therapy for my son; weekly appointment for his skull treatment, my dental work...
Not sure what you could change here...
- going though short-sale of a house--got tons of paperwork and phone calls needing my attention every day
Set a time frame each day that you can try to take care of some of this stuff, maybe a naptime, or a nursing time so baby will be occupied? Just gather everything you need before you start nursing. Can you talk hands-free for the phone calls?
- Shopping/looking for new stove because ours broke
- Phone calls like: insurance claim for my car, medical billing errors & insurance coverage, plan for my wisdom teeth pulling & check insurance coverage, return friends' calls...
Again w/the set time frame once a week?
- Research & Learn/read: product reviews to find new car sear, research better diaper options, read baby sleeping book because I need some help getting my son to nap & sleep better, come to this forum to learn about being a better SAHM & get advice...
Leave this as an "I'll get to it as I can" thing. Maybe pick one every 2 wks to work on?
- Random things like: find hospital birth record for shots, back up photos, print & send photos to overseas grandparents, order contact lenses, review life insurance...
Again, this stuff doesn't need to be done each day. Get out a calendar and do one a week, or one every 2 wks.
I don't even have vacuum, laundry and tidy up the house on my list anymore because I'm accepting to live with the mess and let those things go, but most things on my list (the examples I gave you above) actually NEED to be taken care of. I've already cut out a lot by living with piled laundry, messy house and pizza for dinner some nights, I'm not sure what else I can cut out because many things on my list does need to be taken care of.... What does your list look like?
Very similar. I just have to space it out. Add to it homeschooling my 3 kids, dealing w/my adult dd (lives here)and her mental issues (Asperger's, OCD, GAD, major depression, severe social phobias, and psychosis), so that involves occasionally going to her appts w/her (and therefore finding someone to watch my other 3 kids), helping her w/her medication, etc..., taking care of my mentally and physically handicapped MIL (lives in a house on our property) which involves getting her on her bus for her therapy groups twice weekly, doling out her prescriptions, and fixing all the 'situations' she creates because of her mental illness, feeding/haying/watering/cleaning hutches for our domestic rabbits we raise for meat, feeding/watering/cleaning up after our chickens and guineas, feeding/haying/watering and cleaning up after our dairy goats, taking care of a 3000 sq ft garden (preparing soil, planning, planting, weeding, harvesting, and processing harvest), butchering (my dh and kids do this part) rabbits, chickens, goats, and pigs, and all the processing (I do this part) of said beasts so we can eat, and a whole host of other things. Yk, bills, household problems, cooking almost everything from scratch, and supervising the children and their chores.
Any similarity with mine at all or am I really way out there? It may be that I have high expectations of myself, but many (most) things on my list can't really be left undone... Those who are able to spend lots of time being with your kids, please shd some light here on how you have the time (or what you're NOT doing that allows you the time). (Maybe I'm the only one that needs to do all these things?....)