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Needing items for baby #2 - how to ask for help

post #1 of 30
1/7/10 at 5:55pm
Thread Starter 
DH thinks that I should ask my MIL to go on a shopping trip for the baby, but I told him that I gave them and my parents a list at Christmas of things that we needed and nothing was purchased. If they're not going to purchase it then, what makes me think they'll do it now? Because I ask? I'm just not so sure. I don't know if it's because they figured that we could handle it because it IS baby #2.

We still have a lot leftover from when DS was a baby, but we're there's still quite a bit that we need for baby #2 as well as myself -

Baby:
Bottles
Washcloths
Brush bottle cleaner
Boppy
changing pad covers
receiving blankets
homecoming outfit
diapers
wipes

Mama:
Nursing tanks
Nursing bras
Nursing pads
possibly a new pump

This doesn't look like much and I have coupons saved for most of it..... Got any clue how I could hint around to getting help from family to purchase these items? I turned down a baby shower from my mom 'cause I thought it would be silly to do something like that for baby #2. Now, I'm kicking myself in the a$$!
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post #2 of 30
1/7/10 at 6:22pm
Why not tell your Mom you changed your mind?
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post #3 of 30
1/7/10 at 6:46pm
I kinda had this problem. Usually my MIL has given us 500 bucks before each kid comes so I can buy stuff, and my mom buys one big ticket item like a carseat or something.

This time nobody did anything. I could have the baby in 2 weeks and was running out of time so I just charged everything on a credit card I didn't have a choice though, really. I thought I'd budgeted everything out to not need help but they changed DH's insurance and I had to come up wtih 1000 dollars to pay the dr in 3 months.
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post #4 of 30
1/7/10 at 6:56pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by umsami View Post
Why not tell your Mom you changed your mind?
I would, but there's really no time to hold one. DH, DS and I are all booked up with things to do until the baby comes - something just about every weekend!!
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post #5 of 30
1/7/10 at 6:59pm
Get your DH to ask his mom to take you on a shopping trip! (rather then you asking her - his suggestion!)
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post #6 of 30
1/7/10 at 7:12pm
How about hinting around to family if they see a sale on xyz to let you know because you need them for the baby.
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post #7 of 30
1/7/10 at 7:38pm
What about having a baby warming? (Or whatever one calls a shower after the birth. )

Or having a baby shower that's a breakfast/brunch type thing-y... so it doesn't take as long... like 10 a.m. - noon one weekend?

Or a dessert-coffee type one on a weeknight or Friday night?

I like the idea about having your DH hint to your MIL.
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post #8 of 30
1/7/10 at 11:50pm
Ideas:
1. Cruise through thrift shops.
2. Check craigslist
3. Ask for a diaper shower - easier to organize. Just get a restaurant that has a party room and everyone can come and eat. Ask everyone to bring a pack of diapers. It could be on a Wednesday night or something.
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post #9 of 30
1/8/10 at 11:46am
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by luv-my-boys View Post
How about hinting around to family if they see a sale on xyz to let you know because you need them for the baby.
I did with diapers and wipes - keep an eye out for coupons, sales, etc., but still nothing. I even sent a list to my mom again earlier this week, haven't heard a word.
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post #10 of 30
1/8/10 at 1:21pm
For the boppy, ask around... I borrowed one for my first from a friend and now she will need it again the same time I need it, so I found another friend who was given two at a baby shower last year and doesn't need it. Offer older baby stuff to friends in exchange?

As for diapers and bottles and things you can't really borrow, I am glad you have coupons. Not really sure what else...

Is your MIL in the position to pay for this stuff? It sounds like you aren't.... Hope they can help you out.

I know this time round, I am not asking my parents or inlaws for anything... and my list is pretty much the same as yours. I rely heavily on borrowing and swapping with friends.
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post #11 of 30
1/8/10 at 1:23pm
Oh and I don't know how handy you are? Or any of your friends? But you can buy some materials and make receiving blankets? Or craigslist for used ones... Or friends again...
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post #12 of 30
1/8/10 at 1:31pm
ITA with everything that has been said! Maybe you could get your Mom or MIL to go thrift-shopping with you one weekend.

Also, would it be possible to combine a small baby shower with one of the events you're already committed to?
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post #13 of 30
1/8/10 at 2:42pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ashes View Post
Oh and I don't know how handy you are? Or any of your friends? But you can buy some materials and make receiving blankets? Or craigslist for used ones... Or friends again...
My Aunt has made this blanket for all of my kids... and she is not a crafty person. No sewing is involved...and they are so lovely. Each child has totally cherished theirs...and it's been the favorite "blanky." We were so bummed when DS1s fell out of his stroller and we lost it.

http://www.pregnancy360.com/nesting/...-swanky-blanky
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post #14 of 30
1/8/10 at 3:06pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by umsami View Post
My Aunt has made this blanket for all of my kids... and she is not a crafty person. No sewing is involved...and they are so lovely. Each child has totally cherished theirs...and it's been the favorite "blanky." We were so bummed when DS1s fell out of his stroller and we lost it.

http://www.pregnancy360.com/nesting/...-swanky-blanky
THank you for posting this - I think I am going to make one for my baby!
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post #15 of 30
1/8/10 at 3:50pm
How about freecycle? People give away great, almost new things.
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post #16 of 30
1/8/10 at 3:58pm
I don't want to be the voice of dissent, but your relatives have already made their feelings clear on this issue.

Given that you have already passed on your wishlist to your relatives and they have declined, I would personally not ask again. It can only create bad blood between you, and what if they respond with something hurtful, "If you can't pay for your kid's stuff, why are you having one?" That would be tremendously awful. I would have a heart to heart with your mother and ask her if she was still willing to handle the shower.

I would simply post in local forums (we have a county mommy forum here for people living in the county, a local diaper and a local slinging forum) that you are in a tight spot and could pay minimally if needed. In addition, using your coupons, thrifting, and scouring freecycle/craigslist and if needed, applying for whatever state aid you may require to get by.

Congrats on the new addition. I hope it all works out.

Liz
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post #17 of 30
1/8/10 at 6:44pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by umsami View Post
My Aunt has made this blanket for all of my kids... and she is not a crafty person. No sewing is involved...and they are so lovely. Each child has totally cherished theirs...and it's been the favorite "blanky." We were so bummed when DS1s fell out of his stroller and we lost it.

http://www.pregnancy360.com/nesting/...-swanky-blanky
yay!!! I love it!!!!!! Maybe I can even make some for friend's baby showers and save $$ that way. Personally made stuff is so so nice.
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post #18 of 30
1/8/10 at 7:14pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ashes View Post
For the boppy, ask around... I borrowed one for my first from a friend and now she will need it again the same time I need it, so I found another friend who was given two at a baby shower last year and doesn't need it. Offer older baby stuff to friends in exchange?

As for diapers and bottles and things you can't really borrow, I am glad you have coupons. Not really sure what else...

Is your MIL in the position to pay for this stuff? It sounds like you aren't.... Hope they can help you out.

I know this time round, I am not asking my parents or inlaws for anything... and my list is pretty much the same as yours. I rely heavily on borrowing and swapping with friends.
Well, it looks like we're not going to ask for anything. DH doesn't want to and we'll just wait until we both get paid next week. We have the money to do it, we would just like to save some of that money, if we could, for when I go on leave.
My IL's are very well off - she just bought herself a pair of the Sketchers exercise shoes -$100 or so? They buy/shop frugually (shops at thrift, Costco, garage sales, etc.,), both make 6 figures, and save the money to buy things like those shoes, go on nice trips, etc., etc., My parents aren't as well off, middle class but they still like to offer help and buy things out of the blue for us. Just two different types of people, I guess.
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post #19 of 30
1/8/10 at 7:16pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by SunRise View Post
THank you for posting this - I think I am going to make one for my baby!
Me, too!!
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post #20 of 30
1/8/10 at 7:20pm
Are you insistant on the items being new? Because I totally have some of this stuff and I would love to send it to you.

I have:

A boppy
Nursing bras (that I have worn like once because I'm not a fan)
Recieving blankets
Bottles
I've even got a super-cute newborn outfit I could throw in

PM me if you're interested.
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