The Craziest OB Comment

[fwlady]

Since all the medical drama with my baby Charis, I have actually been able to stomach watching some of the birth stories on the TV. There are certain days when there just isn't anything else on.

So, this couple are telling about the Bradley Method, their birth plan, and the journey that they went on. The OB has a 2/3 epidural rate, but they are sure they want to go natural. But, then, she isn't progressing, so he talks her into pit after 8 hrs of ROM. They go on without meds. She has been pushing for 3 hrs, and finally asks for the epidural, I think. This is because the baby won't descend, so he uses forceps to get her out. They are all pleased with the results, of course, but I guess of the treatment too. They don't seem anything but pleased. Even though everything on their birth plan was changed and disregarded. The baby and mom were healthy, so I can understand that. She was lucky. Could have gone worse, I guess.

Well, the OB in the end, commends them on being so flexible. And, this is what he says, in paraphrase, but pretty close to what he said. That the worst thing she could do is to make plans and then stick to them.

I am wondering if this is what his mother said to him as he was going through high school, college, and medical school and it was getting tough. He was persevering through, and is THAT what his mother taught him??? I don't think so. I just couldn't believe what I just heard. Grrr.

I can see how plans changed big time with my PG and birth this time, but I was also the one calling the shots (well, with some assistance from the baby herself). Everything that was discussed and acted upon was our idea, in our best interest, with our preferences in mind. We were in control of the birth (even if it was a section). We were not just going along with what an OB said. Although it wasn't all in our control exactly, since the section was medically indicated, I wasn't blindly following the dr either. Nor do I feel like I was being controlled or manipulated. I suppose as long as they are happy with how things went. But, it was disgusting from my POV. Kymberli

[finnegansmom]

I've never ever watched an episode of "a Baby Story" and not wanted to throw something really heavy and blunt through my TV screen....

[caned & able]

I am wondering if this is what his mother said to him as he was going through high school, college, and medical school and it was getting tough.

Yes, I agree with your point here. I like your analogy of doing something difficult (college, professional school) and then dropping out or cheating to finish or studying hard, perservering and working hard to shine in the end. I have always likened labor to running a marathon. How would it look if a person stopped running at the 19th mile, the wall, and did something to circumvent the pain and anguish of going on.

This concept kept me going through labor.

[CrunchyChristianMama]

My "favorite" are the comments on Deliver Me with those 3 horrible OBs. They drive me nuts!!!

Here's my favorite two gems (paraphrased):

"Pitocin contractions are the same as regular contractions, the uterus can only contract so hard so it doesn't matter if the hormone is coming from an IV or your head."

To a mother birthing naturally: "You can push in any position you would like, but the best position for opening your pelvis is reclining on your back while we hold your legs up."

No joke.

[Materfamilias]

Makes me glad I don't have a tv. Pretty annoying. The marathon analogy is good -- I've never run one (yet) but did do a bike century in the mountains of NC -- something like 10,000 feet of climbing-- and that experience helped with labor, too. Yeah, it'd be like getting into the sag wagon. I may have wanted to, but there was no way I was going to do it!

[Bea]

Oh these shows!! They make me forget that folk on the TV can't hear me from my living room.

I like to play guess who's having a cesarean with the patients.

"Well Mrs Smith, you've been in labour for 2 and a half hours and we've done everything we can.

You've been flat in bed the whole time with an IV infusion, pitocin, a BP cuff, external monitor and an epidural and you've still not progressed past 5cms. We think the baby's too big/ your pelvis is too small/ the baby is distressed and need to get your child out now. Lets go to the OR"

"Oh thank you Dr, for saving my baby's life"

It's all I can do to not throw back my head and spit at the TV.

[KaylaBeanie]

I hate the "oh just be flexible already!" attitude. Not that it comes up often, but whenever I tell people that I'm having my future children at home, I get the "oh honey, just wait until you're actually pregnant...you'll change your mind fast and want that epidural!" Or, my favorite "Well, what if you NEED a c-section or there's a complication?" I try to keep my calm and just say "well, obviously there's that small chance that I'll be one of those women who needs a doctor, and I will gladly do what is best." Heck, I've even got my mom defending home birth, and her first reaction two years ago was "WTF?!" when I told her that I wanted to have my babies at home and be a homebirth midwife.

It really makes me think that doctors/many mainstream people think that natural minded women are these idiot risk takers who are "inflexible." It's the idea that the doctor is the pilot...the women is at best a co-pilot, at worst a passenger way back by the toilets. No thanks, even if I'm someone who has every complication in the books, I'll be my OWN pilot and call the shots.

[etsdtm99]

i just can't watch those shows anymore!

i wish i could remember the exact comment my (former) OB made.. i was 20-something weeks pregnant with DS and she said something about 'those crazy all natural girls' who don't want pit, pain meds, etc. i remember having to concentrate on not letting my jaw drop and being shocked that she would say something like that not knowing my preferences .. or rather, not remembering them since she was my OB with DD also.. and we had already talked about a lot of 'natural' stuff just not at that appointment..

[laughingfox]

A few months ago, I was at a friend's house, and she thought I might like to see one of those shows, since I'm pregnant.
I yelled at the TV so much that I think I scared my friend a bit.

It was just horrible. The woman was being treated like crap, lied to, and insulted every step of the way, in those condescending doctor-knows-best tones.
In no way was she ever informed or given a chance to consent to anything that was going on.

It seemed like the whole point of the show was to undermine a woman's place in the event.

It really irks me that shows like these are probably seen by a lot of people who aren't well read on birth; this crap will sink in and shape their idea and view of what birth should be.

[MaterPrimaePuellae]

My Dh's best friend and his wife just had a baby; she wanted a natural delivery, but "labor stalled." I don't know if the Dr. wanted to try an epidural alone just to see if relaxing would help, or if they did epidural w/ pitocin. In any case, when the anesthesiologist came in, he failed miserably and paralyzed her upper body rather than lower body.... then he blamed her because she didn't get the epidural sooner, when it would have been easier for him.

[MegBoz]

I too hate those shows - basically ANYTHING mainstream that pertains to birth. Waiting in line at the grocery store, I picked up a magazine to read about Kendra from "Girls Next Door" birth experience.

• Induction purely for convenience (which she thought was so cool)
• CS for FTP (and she was upset, but trusted her doc)
• NO CLUE that maybe the induction CAUSED the CS and was a bad idea in the first place

Anyway, actually that comment doesn't bother me that much. There IS some need for flexibility. I've read enough birth stories now to realize that sometimes intervetions are necessary, and sometimes they even save a birth experience to allow a mom to birth vaginally, whereas otherwise she may have been headed for CS. I do think it's wise to have some degree of flexibility - rather than blindly sticking to your birth plan & refusing all intervention.
it's the "Blind" part that is not wise, IMO- blindly adhering to your birth plan to-the-letter is probably not smart, nor is "bindly" obeying your HCP.

[Cheshire]

I think flexibility is key in birthing - it is never controlled, just managed. If you're lucky you find a doc/midwife that has many tools up their sleeve to help manage it (and the tools match with the wishes of the mother).

I don't think judging the mother is going to fix anything. Figuring out a way to provide more education and get doctors to practice more evidence-based medicine will improve birthing in the U.S.

My last O.B. made a comment about some procedure and that docs do it one way because there just isn't enough evidence based info out there. I knew better because whatever it was, sorry I can't remember at the moment, I had done quite a bit of reading on. When I told her I wanted to delay cord clamping she wanted to know why on a full term baby (she said she does that on pre-term babies but didn't know the benefit for full term). So, at my next appt I brought her a copy of the Australian study done on Aboriginal babies. She read it agree to give it a go. Later, she said she now does it for all of her births and received a pat on the back from another OB and a neonatologist she delivered - they loved that she delayed the clamping and agree it was beneficial. If only all docs were this open to change.

After losing my second son I can't watch birth shows. I didn't like to watch them that much to begin with (especially can't stand Delivery Me) but now I can't watch them at all.

[TzippityDoulah]

I can beat that - I had a doula client one time with the most egotistical OB I've ever seen. he assured her all during her labour that he would make sure to get that baby out just right for her. (??) this was her 5th baby with him and she was so concerned b/c she felt she somehow did it "wrong" last time and was worried over this. I couldn't understand her thinking that until I met the doc. he was a very "nice" guy. polite and caring and sweet... and a complete ego-maniac. he RAN that show. so yeah I just kept deflecting comments from him about how good HE was doing and telling her how good SHE was doing. she was SO sweet and once able to have someone encourage her was able to do whatever she needed just right. I didnt have to tell her what to do - she just did it. it was great! her instincts where perfect (as they usually are!) but anyhow that said at the very end of delivery she is beaming and SO proud of herself! The OB comes over to her and says:

"I told you I would take good care of you! I got that baby out of you with no problems! I told you I would do it right if you just trusted me."

then mom lost all confidence and starts THANKING him. like profusely. like he saved her life! WTH!!?! "thank you so much doctor for taking care of me. I couldn't have done this with out you...."

she he leaves and I just whisper in her ear: "you did this, mama. YOU did this. you would have done it just as well if none of us where her. this is all YOU!" and her smile came back and calm washed over her again - her dignity and pride restored.

my biggest annoyance: if I (or someone else) hadn't been there to encourage her and deflect the OBs comments she would still to this day be thinking that HE did all the wor and saved her from the horrors or childbirth.

UGH!!?!?! all it takes is ONE comment. ONE single little comment during the vulnerable times to bring a person to their knees. Birth is the most vulnerable and most powerful a woman can be. and it is painful to watch "professionals" tear down women left and right and leaving them feeling defective.

[cappuccinosmom]

I remember one of those shows made me want to hit the TV. It was like the 5th disaster out of 5 birth stories, and this poor mother was being condescended to all over hte place, she was scared, being told "if something doesn't happen in x amt of time, it's c-section". And then this big, evil nurse stood over her bed and decided to get a final dig in "And then can't have that hogie you've been talking about having after birth" in the nastiest tone you could imagine. What????? I'm sure it was a dig at the mom's weight, as she was very overweight. That whole episode made me furious. The mother was treated very badly from the get-go.

My own personal ridiculous OB comment: "If you don't induce right now, I'll see you in the OR in a few days. There's no way you can deliver that huge baby vaginally".

and

"I'm afraid if you try to deliver naturally this baby will rip you stem to stern, if he doesn't get stuck and die first".

Two different OB's, both 100% WRONG. Thankfully it was the midwives who actually attended the births.

[ears73]

ok - if I can see one common thread here it is that tv deliveries totally suck on so many different levels. But one thing they do very well is convince people that this is the new natural way to birth.
One of us has to have television connections somewhere! Can we not get a program out there on our "different" way of birthing??? I'd love to see that happen!!!