Dead pet dilemma...

[slsurface]

...so my 3 yo was super excited to buy daddy a snail for his fish tank as a Christmas gift. He has been totally obsessed with the snail, watching it all the time and showing it to anyone who visits...but today I noticed that the snail was dead.

Please don't laugh, but I'm not sure how to deal with this. The dilemma is that DS was proud to have purchased the snail and thought of it as his pet. Plus there is the added emotion of it being a gift for daddy and tied to Christmas. Also, he seems strangely obsessed with death lately - not sure why, because we haven't had any family deaths in the last year. I am worried that he will take it really hard. But he is also very bright and I think he will notice if I just get another snail. WWYD?

[lonegirl]

Unfortunately....I think the truth is best.

[karkli]

I agree that the truth is best - especially because you mentioned that he has been "strangely obsessed with death lately".

Death is a difficult concept for adults to understand, let alone children. If your DS has a fuzzy, incomplete and/or misinformed perception of death, that could explain why he is dwelling on the subject. I would take advantage of poor Mr. Snail's passing to have a meaningful, age-appropriate conversation about the circle of life.

We've dealt with this situation with my 4yo DD who has had the fabulous privilege of picking out a beta fish for my mother's tabletop fish bowl/vase thing not once, not twice, but three times.

[NolaRiordan]

Honestly, if it were me, I would go buy another snail and not say anything. I'm not sure that a 3 year old really needs to learn this lesson at this point in his life.

[EFmom]

Originally Posted by NolaRiordan

Honestly, if it were me, I would go buy another snail and not say anything. I'm not sure that a 3 year old really needs to learn this lesson at this point in his life.

Me, too. If the child were older, I might feel differently.

[HealingBeam]

Originally Posted by NolaRiordan

Honestly, if it were me, I would go buy another snail and not say anything. I'm not sure that a 3 year old really needs to learn this lesson at this point in his life.

me too

[AngelBee]

Originally Posted by lonegirl

Unfortunately....I think the truth is best.

[Tizzy]

I believe the truth is best too.

Our 3yr old is obsessed with death, well actually I think he's finally starting to process it.
We had a horse die here (it wasn't ours, we were boarding it for someone else) but he had a hard time processing that. And then we had to put one of our dogs down too!
For awhile, probably 6 weeks, that's almost all he talked about. He'd randomly ask throughout the day why the horse died, why he went in a hole, why he's not coming back, where the dog went, why the dog died etc. It was very annoying until I realized that he was just dealing with it. It's a HUGE concept to process!
So he is obviously getting used to the idea because he's started telling people WHY the horse or dog died instead of asking, and when an older friend of his said she was going to her uncle's funeral and explained that her uncle had died, he didn't riddle me with questions later. He "got it" and was satisfied that he knew what was happening.

SO long story short, I don't think it's too early for them to learn, PLUS you won't have any repercussions to deal with should your child figure out the truth on their own.

[buttercup784ever]

Originally Posted by NolaRiordan

Honestly, if it were me, I would go buy another snail and not say anything. I'm not sure that a 3 year old really needs to learn this lesson at this point in his life.

This point has come up several times before, and I'm always slightly baffled at this response. What if a 3 year old child lost a family member? Would you not explain that either? I think a child that age is able to understand the "going away" aspect of death, and is capable of participating in ceremonies, however simple, honoring the dead. IMO, avoiding the issue is more for the parents' comfort.

Your child is lucky to have his first experience with death be with a pet snail. I think it's a real opportunity to acquaint him with what happens when we die. Being anything more than honest or sticking your head in the sand about discussing it would be a real disservice to him. He may be really sad. Or not. But since when are we supposed to shield our kids from being sad? Especially when it comes to something as inevitable as death?