what to do with tangled and matted hair?

[KathinJapan]

My sister has very tangled and matted hair. My mom is trying to help her get it untangled. Any BTDT?
My mom thought she might be better getting it cut out, but heard that was no go. They went to the beauty supply place to get some detangler and was told to detangle when the hair was dry. I always wet DDs hair down to de tangle.

Any advice or suggestions welcome.
Kathryn in Japan so I have not actually seen the hair, just on skype

[hram]

My dd had dreads and I brushed them out last year. I washed and conditioned her hair then once she was out I used jojoba oil on it and a comb, like the kind thats smaller on one side and larger on the other. It worked really well, but her hair was very oily after so she may have to wash the oil out afterwards. I would assume you could use any kind of oil.

[KathinJapan]

Thanks I will pass this information on to my mom. I should say one of the biggest hurdles is actually getting my sister to want to do it... she has depression issues.

Kathryn

[JTA Mom]

You can wet the hair too. Use lots, and I mean lots of conditioner. Don't rinse out. Use a wide tooth comb to detangle at first, then a regular vent brush. Start from the bottom and go up. Hold the 'lock' while brushing it--this keeps the tugging at the roots to a minimum, meaning less pain.

Ami

[Jane]

I'd suggest using a whole bottle of reasonably good conditioner (pantene, not white rain) and watching tv or a movie and slowly going from the bottom up. Reward at the end - pizza? Dinner out?
It will probably need a trim afterwards, in a few weeks. I've had my hair braided and wrapped and it always has some permanent damage from kinking. Most washes out in a few weeks, but I have to cut off some each time.
Most important ingredient: compassion and care and love

I've done a house clean out where I had to throw out a lot of stuff for a depressed family member. What was done with love was so much easier to get over what was done in haste or anger.

[KathinJapan]

I really don't know why anyone suggested doing it dry. I think this was someone at the Beauty supply place.

Apricot, the part about love really hit home. It is hard for other family members to not get frustrated with my sister. Last summer when I went back to the states she had been staying in the part of the house where my children and I would stay during our visit. Despite having lots of time to get it cleaned up it was an enormous and filthy mess. I spent 3 hours just throwing stuff away so I could run the vac. and make a path to the bed so we could sleep. After a 23 hour international trip with 2 small children. Yes, anger played a part. Especially when she pulled things out of my hands.

I know my mom wants her to look good again. It is not dreads or any style of hair, just part of it is a matted mess.

Thanks again for the replies and advice.