3.5yo deliberately peeing in underpants before using the potty?

[Klynne]

I read a previous thread here. The mom posted about her dd repeatedly peeing in er undies instead of using the toilet, this despite the fact that she was toilet trained.

Dh and I are struggling with the exact same issue. For the past 6 months dd (3.5) has been peeing in her undies a little before relieving herself fully on the potty. Dd has been potty trained since 18 months. She knows the routine very well.

At first we thought it was because she was caught up in play and just didn't care to take a potty break. Though it might be the case 25% of the time, other times she will stand right in front of me, give a pondering look, and then tell me "I peed in my undies". Other times I have asked her if we need to make a potty stop (while out and about) she will tell me no, and then not 5 minutes later I will pick her up and her bottom will be wet.

I'm trying my hardest to try and understand why she feels the need to do this. I'm a sahm and work hard to give her a lot of quality time. I can't help but feel that I'm failing her in some way, or causing her to do this.

2 months ago I put a basket in the wc that we use most and told her that she "was a big girl now and that she didn't need me to ask her if she needed to go". I showed her were the clean underwear were (by the sink) and were she was to put the soiled underwear if she should have an accident (on the opposite side of the sink). I had hopes that this would help her but it hasn't changed a thing.

If any one has had a similar experience please share!

[Klynne]

x posted in toddlers!

[Kailey's mom]

my dd; who is the same age; does this from time to time. My take on it is that she realizes she's becoming a big girl, but still wants mommy to "baby" her. I hope that makes sense. When she pee's herself, I change her. If she does it over and over, I give her the choice on whether she wants to wear panties, or a diaper. I don't give the behavior positive, or negative attention.. I just do what is needed. I think it will pass

[mamazee]

I wouldn't assume it's deliberate. Kids that age, even if potty trained for a while, can still have trouble reading their bodies' signals, and can have trouble taking attention away from what they're doing to tend to that. So I would talk about how her body feels when she has to pee, like earlier signs. My dd wouldn't always give attention to those early signals and by the time she paid attention the urge would be so desperate she would run to the bathroom and not quite make it. But she did get it eventually.

[Daffodil]

I wouldn't assume it's deliberate, either. My DS just turned 4, and often doesn't seem to realize he needs to go until he's peed a little in his underpants. I really don't think it's anything he does deliberately. Certain foods seem to make the problem much worse for him. Has your DD's diet changed over the past few months?

[Klynne]

Originally Posted by mamazee

I wouldn't assume it's deliberate. I would talk about how her body feels when she has to pee, like earlier signs. My dd wouldn't always give attention to those early signals and by the time she paid attention the urge would be so desperate she would run to the bathroom and not quite make it.

This and what Daffodil posted are certainly valid points, and Dh and I have taken it into consideration. I have talked with her about the tickling sensation we get when we need to go. She does from time to time tell me that it tickles and she needs to go. I would agree that this is the issue part of the time. But... dd will pee (it's always just a little, or enough to soak her pants to, never enough so that it runs down her legs and pools on the floor/shoes.) her underwear, reliever herself fully on the potty, change and not 10 minutes later pee them again...

Thanks so much for your input!

[mamazee]

Originally Posted by Klynne

A positive turn was her declaring that she was done with night time diapers, per last week. ( this is x posted in toddlers) It seems really important to her, after her cousin (who is the same age) said he was done with night time diapers. She is working hard at it. We've talked about how things that are difficult prove to be well worth the hard work.

I don't know if staying dry is something someone can "work at". Kids stay dry at night when their bladders don't empty while they're sleeping. They aren't in control when they're asleep. They can't control when they wake up when their bladders are full instead of just emptying their bladders. Her feeling that she should be able to make herself stay dry at night when really it's an issue of her body maturing makes me wonder more about the whole thing. I'm not sure what to think, though.

[Klynne]

It would be completely wrong to assume that we're expecting our child to never have accidents or wet the bed. I didn't think I needed to go into every detail but I don't want you getting the wrong idea. (which I think you have)

Maybe I phrased it poorly but when I go to bed, I wake her up to go potty before she come in to us, and when I wake up early in the morning (before the kids) I wake her up to go potty, then let her sleep more. And she's totally on board with that, hence, in my head; she's working.

I think it's a matter of training the sub-conscious to wake us when we need to go, instead of just going in our sleep. And that doesn't happen overnight, but is learned.

[octobermom]

Originally Posted by Klynne

It would be completely wrong to assume that we're expecting our child to never have accidents or wet the bed. I didn't think I needed to go into every detail but I don't want you getting the wrong idea. (which I think you have)

Maybe I phrased it poorly but when I go to bed, I wake her up to go potty before she come in to us, and when I wake up early in the morning (before the kids) I wake her up to go potty, then let her sleep more. And she's totally on board with that, hence, in my head; she's working.

I think it's a matter of training the sub-conscious to wake us when we need to go, instead of just going in our sleep. And that doesn't happen overnight, but is learned.

Ans its the maturity of our bodies. I spent many years "bed wetting" though I was totally potty trained from afairly early age.During the times itwas assumed it was me being stubborn or needing to be "trained"ect so on the advice of "experts" my parents tried the multiple waking up bribes punishments alarms restricting liquids ect and nothing worked and I felt shamed and helpless because I wanted nothing more in the WORLD then to now be having the issue. I pretended that the looks lectures and punishents didn't hurt but they did not so much physically but mentally again because there wasn't a darn thing I could do to stop it. One day my body suddenly matured and I jsut stopped wetting NOTHING was diffrent and I was well into Jr high when it did.
I never minded say being woke up being responsible for changing being provided with "diapers" even if thats what helped everyone but the shame and punishments I did.

Years latter for what its worth an obvious reason to why was revealed. 1 I was born with an uncompetent bladder I actually have reconstructive surgury to repair a hole and function between my kidney and bladder at age 5 you'dhave thought some connection would have been made but it wasn't... We also learned much latter certain "parts" were/are retrograted and because of this the brains signals sometimes got screwed up especailly at night. Its the same thing that makes me cronically pee with out meaning to right now while pregnant. Especially at night or incidently after baths or showers.

Deanna