Home Birth Anyone?

[BabyMak]

Hi! I'm new here and hoping to find some support from other women in my position or who understand what I'm going through.

I originally wanted a home birth but somehow got roped into following the rules and proceeding on the path of a typical hospital birth. I had a birth plan with multiple guidelines (natural birth, no interventions or inductions of any kind, no unnecessary shots or tests on my baby, etc.) but not much confidence it would be followed. Recently I had a really traumatizing experience at the hospital with my husband...Doctors were rude to us, a misdiagnosis occurred, care and compassion were zero. To make a long story short, it was a HUGE dose of reality and all my original wishes for a home birth came back to me...

I am now at 3 months to go (due date April 6th), anxious and stressed and considering changing everything! I've been in contact with a suitable midwife and am taking steps to change my birth plan from hospital to home birth.

It would be really helpful and comforting to me to be confident in this decision and I have literally NO support system except my parents and husband. Husband's family and friends are very critical of my decisions so far, so we've decided not to tell them if we go this route.

Has anyone else on here been in this position? Or maybe you had a home birth and can share your experiences??

[Peace+Hope]

i have not been in your situation, but if you're talking to a midwife who will accept your care, sounds like you're well on your way to your home birth!

just wanted to say, you WILL find lots of support here, and women like me, who are excited that you're pursuing your need/desire to plan the birth that is right for you

if you look in "birth and beyond," there's a sub-forum for home birthing, and you'll find lots of great experience there to read. also, check out the april due date club and join in if you want - we have plenty of room , and there are quite a few home birthers over there...

you aren't getting the support from all of your family over your exploration/decision... but glad you are getting some!

[womenswisdom]

Do it!!! I too planned a hospital birth with midwives for my first after giving up (pretty easily, honestly) my desire to have a home birth. My husband "wasn't comfortable with it". To make a long story short, I ended up with a c-section. Second time, I told my husband I was having a home birth and he better get comfortable! I had an awesome hbac two years ago and will never go back to the hospital unless there is a medical need.

Go on over to the homebirth subforum. You will find all kinds of support and encouragement and wonderful advice. Welcome to MDC!

[sere234]

I'm going to! DH is on board and so is my sister but my mom is a little uncomfortable with it. She's starting to understand it more though!
We haven't told anyone else what we are planning so I'm expecting surprises from them!
As long as DH and I want it, I know we will homebirth. I just won't tell the people I know will disapprove. It's our birth after all!

[miss_nikki]

I have had 2 hospital births, because I wasn't brave enough or supported enough to pursue my desire for a homebirth. My birth plans were ignored in them. But I also didn't have a doula. The 3rd time around I had the strength and support I needed to finally have a home birth. It was the best birth experience I've had. No one poking and prodding me. No one pushing me to get an epidural or threatening me with a c-section. It was very calm and relaxed. And I bonded with that baby a lot quicker than I did with my first 2 because I was able to hold him as soon as he was out, I wasn't on anything, and I had a lot more support getting nursing started as soon as possible.

[MaerynPearl]

my first two births were hospital births with the second being as natural as you can get in a hospital setting (no IV, no injections, was allowed to birth in whatever position I wanted)

however this one will be born in a new state... a new hospital... and I do not think I am willing to take the chances on that. I am looking into midwives but there aren't many in the area I am moving to (blech!)

[rootzdawta]

Moved from I'm Pregnant.

[cathicog]

Go for the hb! I had my first in the hospital, after reading and studying tons, and if what *I* had was a natural birth(it was, and it was quick) I feel for most ladies! They still did stuff to me taht I knew I didn't need, and the doc didn't come in til it was time to catch... I said, never again, and had the other two at home. And my first was in 1977, when they weren't using fetal monitors like they do now. My second was a wonderful short(3 hrs active labor) hb with "illegal" midwives and my third was a UC, cuz I wasn't going to a hospital in that area(we had moved in 1986) unless I absolutely needed to. It was great, and he was the biggest baby I had...Study, keep positive people around you(it may mean not telling some of your relatives(I didn't) and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy!

[bclare]

Yes, we have a homebirth planned as well. There is excellent evidence recently about the safety of homebirth and outcomes better than a conventional birth in the US (if that is where you are)-- and you get to be in your own house, don't have to drive, can eat and drink your own food, and be home when baby comes. Be sure to get the book "Birth Partner" for your partner-- it is a great one!

[mamakori]

With my last pregnancy, I changed providers (from OB to freestanding BC) at 33 weeks. I started doing childbirth prep and realized I was not going to get the birth I wanted if I had to head in with the mentality of being ready to fight over everything. I had a great birth experience, but opted for HB this time around, b/c all things being equal, I'd rather just stay home!

Go for it, mama!!!

[laughingfox]

I had my first at home, and am planning on doing the same with this one.
I'm due in April, too. You should definitely join our Due Date Club!

It's really great that your parents and husband are being supportive in this.
You'll probably hear a lot of negativity from others, but you can control that to a certain amount by carefully choosing how much you're telling everyone else.
Personally, I've been telling everyone who asks, and correcting people when they assume I'm planning a standard hospital birth, but not going out of my way to tell people who don't ask or bring it up.

I don't know if this will happen to you or not, but it seems like a lot of people act like you're speaking another language when you talk about midwives/homebirth. You can look them in the eye and tell them your birthing plans, and 20 minutes later, they're talking about "your next OB visit" and "when you come home from the hospital" like you never said anything at all.
I was expecting the negativity I got, but the way people would simply not know/accept what I was saying was definitely unexpected.

[*MamaJen*]

Congratulations on your decision. I had a homebirth and it was a wonderful, transformative experience.
If you look on the birth stories forum there are hundreds of stories of positive homebirths. I found them so helpful as I was preparing for my birth.
Of course, you don't have to tell anyone else that you're planning a homebirth. But if you get grief from people, the "elevator line" that I used was, "Numerous large-scale studies have shown that for low risk pregnancies attended by a trained midwife with procedures in place in case of transfer, planned homebirths are as safe or safer than hospital births and have much lower levels of harmful interventions." You can direct them to studies like Outcomes of planned home births with certified professional midwives: large prospective study in North America or Outcomes of planned home birth with registered midwife versus planned hospital birth with midwife or physician. Those are two very recent, large scale studies that showed very good outcomes for planned midwife-attended homebirths.
Have you watched The Business of Being Born? It's a great overview.

[Bmorefarmgirl]

hi! i am due in april too, and we are doing a home birth. i was very nervous about telling people what we were doing, but my husband (who was somewhat reluctant at the start, but agreed it was the best choice for both, or rather, all three of us) just went telling everyone! not everyone has been like, "oh wow that is so amazing and i hope everyone in the world does it!" but most people have been pretty tactful with just saying they are worried for us but they support us. my husband's grandmother was/is very worried about it. she was an ER nurse, so she has seen her share of stuff, especially being an er nurse in the 50s and stuff. but once you start telling people that the midwives are really health are professionals with oxygen and drugs at their disposal, people seem to relax. it's like, once they hear the midwife has a syringe and a couple drugs in her bag, everything will be ok. or at least better.

i would strongly suggest that you do it! if you think you will want your mom there with you at the birth, maybe invite her to one of your prenatal visits so she can get to meet the midwife.

other than that, you don't have to tell people where you are giving birth if you don't want to! you will probably have a hospital in mind for emergency transfer. just tell them that hospital if you don't want them to know you are doing it at home. if they ask later, you can say, '"well, we didn't quite make it to the hospital!" but i have been really pleasantly surprised at most people's reaction. i think most people are silent if they think we are nuts and a lot of moms that i have told think it is great. having been through the whole rush-to-the-hospital thing, they can understand the appeal of doing it at home.

[BabyMak]

Happy

I just read all the responses so far and it completely made my day! Thank you so much for the welcome and support. To be able to hear from you and your experiences is really special to me. Obviously, the decision to do this hasn't been easy! Thanks also for recommending the April Birth Club and the subforums. I didn't see those last night (at almost 12am. lol). I will also look into the "Business of Being Born" and the "Birth Partner" book. Thank you so much for the suggestions!

For those of you who ended up changing your plans you are brave women! That's wonderful you were able to have the births you wanted. I also don't want to fight over everything and I know I'll have to if it's in the hospital. This whole pregnancy has been filled with stress (drama from husband's family, we bought and moved into a new house...with only one person to help us move, my husband's hospital visit and health problems around the holidays, etc.). It would be nice to be able to relax and focus on me and my birth and not worry so much.

I really don't understand why some people make you feel as though what you're doing is "illegal" or wrong. If I have to keep this from certain people that's what I have to do. My husband and I are meeting with a midwife and her team tonight...Hopefully we can make this work!

[Youngfrankenstein]

Originally Posted by BabyMak

I really don't understand why some people make you feel as though what you're doing is "illegal" or wrong. If I have to keep this from certain people that's what I have to do. My husband and I are meeting with a midwife and her team tonight...Hopefully we can make this work!

This is the sad state of hb in the U.S. It's really a shame. I don't think hb is for everyone but I feel it should be a real, legal, supported choice.

As my mw said, once you have your first hb, you'll never question it again. Now that I'm on the other side, I agree with her sentiment.

[mntnmom]

I had a similar experience with my last babe. It was just me and DH, and I hated my OB!! I made the switch at about 6 mnths and it was the best thing I've ever done. Do your research, be confident in your choice. And if you go for the homebirth, just don't talk to negative people about it!!

[SwanMom]

I know that lots of people (my in-laws, some people at work, etc.) will not understand why I'm having another homebirth. For me, it was really helpful to read "Pushed" and "The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth" because they reminded me that what I'm doing is supported by evidence, and home birth is a logical, informed thing to do.

[IdentityCrisisMama]

Go for it, mama!

[Belle]

I wish that I had had a homebirth for my first. After my Bradley classes the homebirth looked a lot more appealing than the hospital but I didn't realize that I could have switched care providers. I was extremely lucky to go into labor when my OB was on vacation and to have supportive nurses. I realized that I might not be so lucky the next time.

I planned a homebirth the second time around. It was the most amazing experience of my life. I wanted to shout it from the highest hill how wonderful it was. The problem was, only a select few wanted to hear what I had to say.

[sunfish21]

I started wanting a birth center but b/c insurance wouldn't cover it was working with the midwives at a hospital. After our Lamaze class where they passed around the forceps and the scalp monitor and told us we should be familiar with these things because anything could happen I was done. We decided to use the entire tax return to pay the birth center midwife and switched around 34 weeks. Of course, DD came so fast we didn't make it and she was an unplanned HB! DS, due the end of next month, will be a planned HB. Trust your instincts and if you and baby are healthy then go for it!