Here's to a new start....

[Samanthavv]

Okay. Maddi and Danny both have been pushing my limits to the max lately.

First Maddi dumped out a very expensive bottle of herbs. Then she dumped a ton of spices onto the floor and took a poo on top of them.... (I had cinnamon and sage covered sh** on my kitchen floor! Funny, but gross and upsetting!) and then dumps a bottle of Danny's fruit puffs on the living room floor. She's got a thing for making gigantic messes lately.... And it's driving me up a wall.

On top of that, as some of you know, Danny has got something going on with him. Teething. Allergies. I don't really know. We're waiting for his blood work to come back. Regardless it's leaving me sleep deprived, extremely irritable and unable to cope well.

It's been turning into a battle with my husband and I. He wants me to do everything so he can have a "break" because he "works all day and comes home just to work more..." but I want a "break" too! And whenever this is pointed out, he likes to throw "YOU'RE the one who wanted kids..." out there like it means I should have to do everything or something. Whatever. I don't even really care about that crap right now.

What I do care about is my kids.

Like i've said before. I hate how discipline is in our house. I don't spank her much, but I still feel lousy when I do, and I feel even angrier when my husband does because he'll tell her to do something, spank her if she doesn't, tell her again, and spank her if she still dosen't, over and over and over. And it REALLY bothers me. It gets under my skin really bad.

I feel like they're unhappy. I don't want them to feel unloved or unappreciated. So, here's to a new start.

My first part of the plan is to keep a schedule.

9:00-10:00: Breakfast, and cleaning up after breakfast.
10:00-10:30: Fun bathtime. (I don't make them wash up, just play.)
10:30-11:30: Movie/play time
12:00-12:30: Lunch
12:30-1:00: Playtime/clean up before nap
1:00-3:00: Naptime
3:00-4:30: Outside playtime
4:30-5:30: Playtime/Movie
5:30-6:00: Dinner time
6:00-6:30: Playtime
6:30-7:00: Bathtime (washing this time!)
7:00-8:30: Movie/Cuddle/story
8:30: Bedtime

I think operating on a schedule (this is a loose schedule, of course) will help with things a lot. I'm going to do my best to stick to it for the most part, and to incorporate "chores" into it, like cleaning up toys, clearing her plate, etc.

And when I get frustrated, my first response I'll try is humor. Asking her to help clean up in a silly voice. Sing a song. Or make her laugh instead of furthering her tantrums.

If anyone has any links to some websites about gentle discipline, I'd appreciate them.

[pumpkinseed]

You can do it. One step at a time-you have a plan to put into action.


This is the link to the sticky at the top of the GD board with a ton of Gentle Discipline resources.

You and your dh need to get on the same page in order to be as effective as you can be with your parenting style. You don't have to do things identically-but you need to be on the same page with your intentions. When you are both calm and relaxed try to bring it up with him-in a very non threatening non accusatory way-that you want to discuss how you guys are disciplining your children. There are good links on the resources page as well as to how to get good dialogue going with your dh.

[One_Girl]

I think it looks like a good plan. I suggest adding a time for a light healthy snack in the morning and afternoon if your kids tend to not eat a lot at meals. Kids have such small stomaches and they don't always eat enough at one meal to last until the next meal. Make sure you are napping when the kids nap. If you need to clean do it while they are watching a movie. Sleeping when they sleep will help you feel a lot more refreshed. I also found that my dd would sleep longer if I lay with her during nap time than she would if I didn't.

[Samanthavv]

Snacks! Good idea. I completely spaced. lol

So far so good. We've stuck to the schedule for the most part, minus the first bath. She just played instead. I even got her to help me clean up the living room a little bit.

So far, so good. I haven't spanked her. I haven't yelled. I haven't raised my voice. I sat down next to her when she tried to get up from the couch and gave her a hug and said "Maddi, it's quiet time. You don't have to sleep, but you do have to sit on the couch, watch your movie and be quiet." And she pointed to the spot next to her and said "Sit??" And so I did and she covered me up with her blanket too! She's never done anything like that before!

That's another thing we're doing away with. Crying it out. She usually gets put in bed for her nap and bedtime, and cries it out. But, as of today, we're stopping that too.

How do you guys handle bedtime? I mean... she normall DOSENT go to sleep unless she cries it out. Do I put her in bed at a reasonable time and stay with her till she calms down, or do I let her stay up until she acts sleepy???

[Materfamilias]

for working on changing how you're doing things! It's SO hard to break old habits. I'm working on things too, mostly with my 7 yo, with whom I've gotten into a LOT of bad habits. I'm struggling to read and act on the alternatives to punishment list. I've found Alfie Kohn helps lots too.