Possible stupid question for AP'ers-PLEASE answer

[eternamariposa]

When do you put your newborn down? I know that sounds like a silly question but I have a really hard time drawing the line between what I instinctively want to do and I think I should do or need to do. My big dilema...naps. My lo is 10 days old and relatively laid back, sleeping often. With my first baby he never slept alone in the early weeks, I just always felt so worried about the whole SIDS factor and it just felt weird to leave someone totally alone who was so helpless. But now with ds #1, 3yo, in tow I could really use some time to be fully available to him. Anyone else go through this? Am I ridiculous? Any suggestions? Maybe a bassinet or something that I can keep nearby? What worked for you?

[liberal_chick]

We would usually let ds nap in either his bouncer (which he loved) or on the couch, which is in the living room where we spend most of our time. We held him a lot, but putting him down was really no big deal unless he woke up crying, in which case we'd pick him up again.

Just remember, there is nothing wrong with putting your new baby down, especially while sleeping, to attend to your needs or spend some time with your 3YO.

[eternamariposa]

Originally Posted by liberal_chick

Just remember, there is nothing wrong with putting your new baby down, especially while sleeping, to attend to your needs or spend some time with your 3YO.

That is what I keep thinking about. Its such a big change for my little guy to have a sister now and she sleeps with me in our bed and he got the final push to move out of ours into his own-dh will sleep with him if he needs company for part of the night-and the baby nurses very frequently so I feel unavailable so often as it is. Not to mention, I feel spent sometimes nursing and co-sleeping a newborn and the time with ds would be a nice change of pace for me too.

[cileag]

Here's a list of when I put my 9 week old down:

when she's sleeping soundly, she goes into the co sleeper or leaning against the bobby (always watched)

when I have to go to the bathroom and no one else is available, she lies on a towel on the floor

when I'm pumping, she's is usually lying next to me

when she seems happy gazing at the Christmas tree on a blanket

I have a pretty mellow daughter and she seems to really enjoy some time on her own--she likes to kick and wave her arms around and if she fusses or cries, I pick her up and put her in the sling.

[JMJ]

I've known parents to use a moses basket or something like that to keep baby safe and in sight. Whether for sleep or play, there's nothing wrong with setting a baby down as long as she's happy or it's just for a moment, she can see you, and you just have to take something out of the oven...

[Comtessa]

If you have a baby swing, that can easily buy you a good 15 minutes of a contented baby, even if baby is awake. My DD was super happy in her swing as a newborn, she loved to sit in there and gaze up at the ceiling moving above her. IMO, it's worth picking up a used one on Craigslist or at a garage sale if you don't have one already - especially with two LO's, it's nice to have a safe place to "park" baby for a few minutes where she'll be happy while you tend to your older LO.

Just remember that putting your (happy or sleeping) baby down is NOT abandoning AP principles in the least! AP is about honoring your baby's needs. Putting her down when she's crying, or refusing to pick her up when she's in distress, that would not be AP.

[Abraisme]

Personally I think babies should be held all the time for the first 3 months (then as needed by the child). Human babies are designed to be in contact with a person, even if they don't demand it. There's a lot of neurological development that happens in the early months through touch. Just because a baby is easy going doesn't mean he/she doesn't need to be held. Studies have shown that high-needs babies end up psychologically healthier than easy going babies.. I think it's because high needs babies demanded the touch they needed to develop their brains.

Just to add.. There are still times when you HAVE to get something done. I think it's necessary to use a bouncy chair (or whatever) to go to the bathroom, take a shower, etc. Our society just has a tendency to overuse plastic baby seats.

[crunchy_mommy]

Originally Posted by Abraisme

Personally I think babies should be held all the time for the first 3 months (then as needed by the child). Human babies are designed to be in contact with a person, even if they don't demand it. There's a lot of neurological development that happens in the early months through touch. Just because a baby is easy going doesn't mean he/she doesn't need to be held. Studies have shown that high-needs babies end up psychologically healthier than easy going babies.. I think it's because high needs babies demanded the touch they needed to develop their brains.

Just to add.. There are still times when you HAVE to get something done. I think it's necessary to use a bouncy chair (or whatever) to go to the bathroom, take a shower, etc. Our society just has a tendency to overuse plastic baby seats.

I agree.... and I didn't know about the bolded part, that makes me happy, if it's true then DS will be the most psychologically healthy baby on the planet!!

I held DS for all his naps when he was newborn (um OK I STILL do that, he's napping in my lap as I type! lol) and really only put him down to shower. DH on the other hand put him down frequently... it bothered me a lot but I guess that's part of integrating different parenting styles!! I would also put DS down if he wasn't calming down in my arms (he loved the swing or the stroller when my arms just weren't doing it for him)... OP, do you have a wrap or carrier so you could wear your NB & still be free to walk around & be attentive to your older child?

[kismetbaby]

My LO was held constantly for the first three months, he was only put down when I had to use the bathroom and my DH wasn't available! But he is my first, I am sure some adjustments will have to be made with my second.

That said, I think some sort of wrap/carrier could be perfect. . .that way you could still "hold" your newborn and play with your older child. And I think a 3 year old could certainly get into the swing of it if you explain that tiny babies need to be held a lot and that's what mommy did when you were tiny etc. Of course, I haven't been there yet, but I think you could get your older sib into the spirit of AP!

Of course, you won't be a bad parent at all to put your new one down sometimes to give good attention to the older!

[eternamariposa]

I do have slings that I can use, but so far it is still pretty hit or miss with her because often being close to me at all gets her rooting around no matter how recently she nursed. The nursing, for the moment, is a big part of the problem because after speaking with my LC about my really sore/cracking nipples we found the position that works for me involves using the boppy and cross cradling so at least for the first half of every feeding both hands are busy and getting up to walk around doesn't work. This is temporary until I heal and she gets better head control but for now it is tedious.

To Abraisme, I have read similar things about high needs babies vs. easy going babies and since my first was/is seriously high needs I often feel like I could be unintentionally neglecting the baby somehow because she seems to ask for so much less. The super high alert that my son kept me on warped my perspective I suppose.