So, I saw a new lawyer yesterday and I'm soooo happy I did. Best 100$ I've spent in a long time. This lawyer is young but damn, she knows her stuff.
After reviewing my case and examining all the relevant documentation, she confirmed that if I did take this whole custody thing to court, it's very likely that a judge would award XH more visitation than what he has now, and eventually 50/50 joint custody by the age of 24 months.
She also confirmed that the only thing that the courts can do is order XH not to drink alcohol during the period where he has DD in his care. Since drinking alcohol isn't illegal, there's nothing I can do beyond that. She said I could refuse to let DD go with him if he shows up drunk, but I can never tell if he's intoxicated or not, so that's a moot point.
In any case, she recommends continuing with mediation and going in with a detailed proposed visitation agreement and trying to work out the kinks there. Once the agreement is drafted by us, she'd draft the divorce proceedings and file the whole thing. All costs related to our joint divorce would be split. I could get a decree of divorce by October 31st 2010, and the final judgment (after the appeal period has passed) could take up until February 28th, 2011. Ugh. That's so far away. Oh well. I'll think twice before getting married again...
Oyah, and she put my and XH's yearly earnings through her Super Duper Child Support Calculating Software, and I discovered this:
If I can get XH to give me sole custody and to take access rights for himself, he'd have to give me $208/month (factoring in the cost of daycare, which I always pay anyhow).
If we were to go for shared custody, I'd have to pay XAH $44.04/month...heheh.
The point being that if XH is going for shared custody because he thinks I'll be giving him lots cash, he's sorely mistaken. This is all he would receive from me AND he'd have to pay half of childcare, clothing, activities, medication, diapers, etc etc. Also, child support payments here are automagically deducted at the source, to prevent parents from not paying.
This is what I'm going to try to do in mediation:
Considering that XH hasn't ever been involved in raising DD since her birth, considering that he keeps skipping visits with her because he's busy/working, considering that he doesn't have the same resources I have, I'm going to try to *reason* with him by offering:
The long term goal I'm proposing over the course of the next year is to work up to 1 day + 1 overnight, with eventually 2 overnights by the age of 3.5. The visitation schedule would only cover the next two years and could then be revised depending on how we see DD reacting.
Ideas? Input?
After reviewing my case and examining all the relevant documentation, she confirmed that if I did take this whole custody thing to court, it's very likely that a judge would award XH more visitation than what he has now, and eventually 50/50 joint custody by the age of 24 months.
She also confirmed that the only thing that the courts can do is order XH not to drink alcohol during the period where he has DD in his care. Since drinking alcohol isn't illegal, there's nothing I can do beyond that. She said I could refuse to let DD go with him if he shows up drunk, but I can never tell if he's intoxicated or not, so that's a moot point.
In any case, she recommends continuing with mediation and going in with a detailed proposed visitation agreement and trying to work out the kinks there. Once the agreement is drafted by us, she'd draft the divorce proceedings and file the whole thing. All costs related to our joint divorce would be split. I could get a decree of divorce by October 31st 2010, and the final judgment (after the appeal period has passed) could take up until February 28th, 2011. Ugh. That's so far away. Oh well. I'll think twice before getting married again...
Oyah, and she put my and XH's yearly earnings through her Super Duper Child Support Calculating Software, and I discovered this:
If I can get XH to give me sole custody and to take access rights for himself, he'd have to give me $208/month (factoring in the cost of daycare, which I always pay anyhow).
If we were to go for shared custody, I'd have to pay XAH $44.04/month...heheh.
The point being that if XH is going for shared custody because he thinks I'll be giving him lots cash, he's sorely mistaken. This is all he would receive from me AND he'd have to pay half of childcare, clothing, activities, medication, diapers, etc etc. Also, child support payments here are automagically deducted at the source, to prevent parents from not paying.
This is what I'm going to try to do in mediation:
Considering that XH hasn't ever been involved in raising DD since her birth, considering that he keeps skipping visits with her because he's busy/working, considering that he doesn't have the same resources I have, I'm going to try to *reason* with him by offering:
- NOT to pursue child support (we can mutually agree to opt out)
- NOT to take almost every piece of furniture he has in his apartment because they are legally mine
- to grant him generous access rights on top of a regular schedule of visitation
The long term goal I'm proposing over the course of the next year is to work up to 1 day + 1 overnight, with eventually 2 overnights by the age of 3.5. The visitation schedule would only cover the next two years and could then be revised depending on how we see DD reacting.
Ideas? Input?
