Is it mean of me?

[applecider]

My 4.5 year old refuses to get out of bed until I come and snuggle with him. Sometimes this not possible with the 1-yo. Is it mean of me to say, no I'm not coming up there, but you can come downstairs and I'll snuggle with you on the couch? I really HATE climbing up the steep stairs with a sleeping toddler in my arms. Is this unreasonable?

[lucysmom]

No!!

[treegardner]

No

[pianojazzgirl]

No! I think that's a perfectly reasonable request, and definitely not mean.

[applecider]

Oh thank you! Cause he threw a huge crying fit this am when I said I wasn't coming up. It took a lot of coaxing to get him to come downstairs. Otherwise he just kept yelling at me. I did tell him later (when we were snuggling on the couch) that sometimes I could not come upstairs when he wanted me to and sometimes I could. Hopefully it will get easier as time goes on!

Oh, I had another question. What if there is no sleeping toddler? What if I just don't want to come back upstairs? Then is it mean? Thanks.

[Marsupialmom]

I think he wants to babied in his bed like his sibbling is being "babied". Why can't the sleeping toddler be put down? I think your refusial is seen by him that you love and perfer to snuggle with toddler more.

We do momma sandwiches were we are all snuggling together.

[Ravenlunatic]

I wouldn't say mean, but I agree with Marsupialmom. I think you need to find a way to accomodate his request.

[applecider]

Because if I put the one yo down, he'll wake up. He needs to sleep, and sometimes that means in my arms. If I come upstairs and try to get into bed with the 4yo, the 1yo might wake up. I feel like I am accommodating him by snuggling on the couch. And this is only every now and then, like once a week. Normally, I take the toddler upstairs (he is not sleeping) and snuggle with him in bed (even though I don't want to go upstairs!!)

[*bejeweled*]

No. He can cuddle with you downstairs.

[LynnS6]

I don't think it's mean, but it is not going to be easy to say no sometimes because usually you do say yes. (I'm not saying that you shouldn't say yes when you can.)

For a 3 year old if you usually say yes, they often interpret that as you MUST say yes ('because that's how it always is'), and anything that deviates from the routine is hard.

Is there any way you can 'warn' him so he knows when to expect a yes and a no?

[One_Girl]

I only have one child and I sometimes make her come to me instead of me going to her. I don't think it is mean to have your child accomodate your wants or needs sometimes. It may help if you talk to your child at a time when he isn't upset and tell him that you need him to come downstairs to you for a cuddle sometimes because you are all tired out. I tell my dd that my "oooooollllllllldddddd" bones are exhausted and I need her to come to me so I can get my energy back. She thinks it is funny and is usually fine with it.