My 3.5yo is pooping in his pull-up almost every night.

[Bulkswife]

I need help with this. My 3.5 yo has been PTd since he was about 2.5yo. He's had very few accidents over the past year. He is still not night-time trained, because of a variety of reasons I didn't pursue it further and I decided to wait until he stopped peeing overnight on his own.

Lately, he is pooping in his pull up almost every night. We've tried gently reminding him, expressing strong displeasure, taking TV privileges away, taking toy privileges away, and now today we resorted to stripping his room of all of his toys. The frustrating thing is, he didn't even seem to care when we stripped his room. He kept saying that his room looked 'nice and neat' now.

We don't know what to do anymore beyond stripping his room. Is there anyone out there with some words of wisdom?

[pianojazzgirl]

I'm not sure that this is a discipline issue. Perhaps his bowel habits have just changed and now he needs to go in the middle of the night, but he's not waking up. What makes you think that this is something that he's doing on purpose?

[Bulkswife]

We don't think he's doing it on purpose, which is why we're at a loss. We don't know any other way of handling this. I think the only solution may be to wake him every few hours to go potty.

[listipton]

We had this problem as well with my 4 yo dd. We took the pull ups away. I have to get up in the middle of the night and take her to the bathroom and we do wash sheets quite a bit for small accidents, but she no longer poops in her pants. We talked to her for about a week before we took the pull ups away about how we weren't going to be wearing them anymore and we put them away and haven't looked back. I was honestly prepared for a toddler battle that never materialized (she didn't even ask for her 'fairy panties' back once). Just make sure you keep liquids going to help prevent constipation.

[onlyboys]

If you don't think he's doing it on purpose then why on earth would you punish him like that? I think your response is pretty heavy-handed.

If he were my son, I would just put a diaper on him at night and otherwise use gentle discussion and encouragement. I imagine after all the punishment you have described there's quite a power struggle going on over his bowel movements. I would let it rest for a bit, not engage at all, and just wait for a shift in behavior.

Hope this helps.

[TiredX2]

Originally Posted by Bulkswife

Lately, he is pooping in his pull up almost every night. We've tried gently reminding him, expressing strong displeasure, taking TV privileges away, taking toy privileges away, and now today we resorted to stripping his room of all of his toys. The frustrating thing is, he didn't even seem to care when we stripped his room. He kept saying that his room looked 'nice and neat' now.

I don't understand why you are punishing him for this. Do you think he is doing this "on purpose" (you say no earlier in the thread but I thought it might be a typo))? If yes, what would his purpose possibly be? Have you asked him? Is he asleep when he poops? If no, why would he be punished for something he can't help.

[pianojazzgirl]

Originally Posted by Bulkswife

We don't think he's doing it on purpose, which is why we're at a loss. We don't know any other way of handling this. I think the only solution may be to wake him every few hours to go potty.

Honestly, I don't think you have too many options of what to do in this case. First of all, punishment won't really do anything at all except make him feel bad, because no matter what the consequences, no matter how many toys get taken away, etc, this is out of his control. He might feel really really sad about whatever punishment is given, but if he's not waking up when he needs to poo he's not waking up. Period. So as far as I can see it, you only have a few other options:

1) wake him up every couple of hours to sit on the toilet (as you mentioned). This would mean no dirty diaper clean-ups in the morning (unless you miss the actual bowel movement moment), but it would also mean both you and he being really tired the next day. And it would probably also mean night-time battles as you try to wake a sound-asleep kiddo and force him onto the toilet. This just doesn't seem worth it to me.

2) (what I would do) Leave him in pull-ups and clean up the dirty bum in the morn. No discussion, no reprimands, no trying to make him feel bad (remember - this his not his fault - he's not doing anything wrong!). Just make this a non-issue for a while, until the negative feelings associated with it dissipate. Then, in a positive way, maybe bring it up again - asking if he can help you brainstorm ideas for him to make it to the potty on time. Or just don't bring it up (what I would do) and let his body mature enough so that he's getting potty signals that wake him up. This will happen in time, I promise!

3) Take him out of pull-ups and deal with a messy bed every morning. Not what I'd do, cause I don't see any point to it and there's no way I want to start my day with that kind of mess!