I need to rant.
No. I am not going to give him a bottle of formula to make him sleep through the night.
No. I am not going to put some cereal in his bottle to make him sleep.
No. I am not going to wean him at three months.
NO.
It is normal for him to eat a lot.
It is normal for "a lot" to mean every hour, or two hours, or three hours.
It is normal that he has a fussy hour or two spread out over the day. Babies fuss!
It is normal that he sleeps an hour, or two hours, or three hours (max!) He's still only 8lbs10oz -- he has a small belly!
It is normal that I am tired.
It is normal that I can only pump an ounce (both breasts) at one sitting. I am also feeding a hungry baby! I understand that if I could pump more, then I could get a break more often with DP or one of the grandmas feeding Nate. I am OK with not getting a lot of breaks. I'd rather put my energy into feeding the baby than pumping all the time. It's draining to feed AND pump! (Plus my breasts really hurt if I go more than 3 hours without feeding him so it's not like I'd get 8 hours of sleep anyway.)
I am fine.
Just because I say that I am tired doesn't mean that I am depressed, upset, resentful of my baby, angry, ready to quit, or otherwise not OK. I am just stating a fact. I am tired. But I accept this tiredness as part of being mother to a 10 week old baby. I signed up for this. I chose this. I am handling this.
I am not seeking a way out. I do not see ANY of the current circumstances as a problem. I am living the normal, sleep-deprived, sometimes-cranky, sometimes overjoyed, totally in love with my newborn life of a new mother.
Yesterday, my mother who is recuperating from pneumonia was upset that I can't come to her house for several hours to help out because I don't have any saved milk in the fridge. (I cannot bring the baby there.) She said that I should consider weaning him at 3 months so that I can get a break. My own mother! Who nursed my baby brother until he was TWO!
She, and DP, and friends all say that formula is just the same as breastmilk, just as good as breastmilk, and that I should not feel a drop of guilt about weaning, or swapping in formula whenever it's convenient to do so. This isn't true though. Formula is not the same, and I will impact my supply if I feed him formula. (I also WOULD really feel guilty if I fed him formula just to get another hour or two of sleep. I'm not doing that badly for sleep, and I feel that I would be acting really selfishly to impact our breastfeeding relationship when I don't really need to do so. It would be different if I were really exhausted, or so beat that I was getting sick, or whatever, but I'm not.)
Being a new mother isn't a problem to be fixed. It's tiring, but it's awesome. I am happier than I have ever been, even if I do have bags under my eyes and complain that the laundry is piling up. I don't really care about anything right now other than loving this baby. And I want everyone around me to shut the heck up unless they want to tell me that I'm doing a great job and that this baby is the cutest damn baby they have ever seen!
OK, end rant. Sorry -- had to get that out!!!
No. I am not going to give him a bottle of formula to make him sleep through the night.
No. I am not going to put some cereal in his bottle to make him sleep.
No. I am not going to wean him at three months.
NO.
It is normal for him to eat a lot.
It is normal for "a lot" to mean every hour, or two hours, or three hours.
It is normal that he has a fussy hour or two spread out over the day. Babies fuss!
It is normal that he sleeps an hour, or two hours, or three hours (max!) He's still only 8lbs10oz -- he has a small belly!
It is normal that I am tired.
It is normal that I can only pump an ounce (both breasts) at one sitting. I am also feeding a hungry baby! I understand that if I could pump more, then I could get a break more often with DP or one of the grandmas feeding Nate. I am OK with not getting a lot of breaks. I'd rather put my energy into feeding the baby than pumping all the time. It's draining to feed AND pump! (Plus my breasts really hurt if I go more than 3 hours without feeding him so it's not like I'd get 8 hours of sleep anyway.)
I am fine.
Just because I say that I am tired doesn't mean that I am depressed, upset, resentful of my baby, angry, ready to quit, or otherwise not OK. I am just stating a fact. I am tired. But I accept this tiredness as part of being mother to a 10 week old baby. I signed up for this. I chose this. I am handling this.
I am not seeking a way out. I do not see ANY of the current circumstances as a problem. I am living the normal, sleep-deprived, sometimes-cranky, sometimes overjoyed, totally in love with my newborn life of a new mother.
Yesterday, my mother who is recuperating from pneumonia was upset that I can't come to her house for several hours to help out because I don't have any saved milk in the fridge. (I cannot bring the baby there.) She said that I should consider weaning him at 3 months so that I can get a break. My own mother! Who nursed my baby brother until he was TWO!
She, and DP, and friends all say that formula is just the same as breastmilk, just as good as breastmilk, and that I should not feel a drop of guilt about weaning, or swapping in formula whenever it's convenient to do so. This isn't true though. Formula is not the same, and I will impact my supply if I feed him formula. (I also WOULD really feel guilty if I fed him formula just to get another hour or two of sleep. I'm not doing that badly for sleep, and I feel that I would be acting really selfishly to impact our breastfeeding relationship when I don't really need to do so. It would be different if I were really exhausted, or so beat that I was getting sick, or whatever, but I'm not.)
Being a new mother isn't a problem to be fixed. It's tiring, but it's awesome. I am happier than I have ever been, even if I do have bags under my eyes and complain that the laundry is piling up. I don't really care about anything right now other than loving this baby. And I want everyone around me to shut the heck up unless they want to tell me that I'm doing a great job and that this baby is the cutest damn baby they have ever seen!
OK, end rant. Sorry -- had to get that out!!!
to you.
