Ds is almost 6 and still in my bed.

[racheepoo]

I swore this wouldn't happen :roll just for one reason or another it wasn't a good time to move him. Then, we moved to this place, he has his own room and I bought a full sized bed for him, let him decorate,etc. He won't sleep there more than an hour. I just can't function going to school FT and working and being a single mom without sleep. If I keep putting him back in there and gentling him back to sleep, he'll wake up an hour later or so.

He has *always* had issues with sleep...as a baby he nursed every 45 minutes for 18 months, and never slept more than 4 hours at a time until he was maybe 4 years old. But I guess I just assumed that with love and not shaming him or pushing him, he would transition more easily.

What to do?

[whitenoise]

I did it even when I was 7 so do not worry - with time he will change

[racheepoo]

I need him out. Really, it's enough. I'm trying to be gentle, and patient, and meet his needs, but he is a really tough person to sleep next to and I only get at most 5 hours a night as it is.

[racheepoo]

And I adore him, but I'm not a good mommy without sleep. I need to function at work and school and with him, and I do not ever get a break or a weekend off. So yeah...I need my bed back

[whitenoise]

he is too young to understand that... try making him love his own bed... decorate it with something special or give him gifts under the blanket

[racheepoo]

I've done everything possible as far as I know...extra nightlight, new stuffed animal, he has a flashlight by his bed and our doors are both open. He just won't sleep without me physically there and I really kind of wish I'd fought this battle when he was 3 when he weaned.

[Dar]

So the issue is that he's a restless sleeper? How about making him a pallet on the floor by your bed, so he'd still be close to you but you'd have your bed back?

[jeannineb]

Do you have space to set up a seperate bed for him in your room? I did this with dd, she was/is 5. She slept with me, then transitioned to her own bed in my room, and now is sleeping in her own bed in her own room (with only occasional visits). She really wanted a canopy for her own bed, I told her that as soon as she spent the whole night in her own bed she could get one. As soon as she spent one night in her bed, we went online and ordered the one she had already picked out. I know this won't work for every kid, just sharing our story.

[widemouthedfrog]

yes, is it possible to have a place near either of the beds where you / he can sleep? My dd is also a very, very kicky sleeper and I am hyperaware of her movements because I was woken so much when she was a baby. I don't think that I would be able to leave yet, but if I put another mattress down and could put a hand on her sometimes, I bet that would help. Could you put pillows between the two mattresses so he wouldn't wriggle over there and kick you?

Otherwise, no help at gentling him into a new bed, as I haven't managed it with dd yet. I suspect that I would get less sleep if she were in another room, since she would come in when she woke in the middle of the night.

[jeliphish]

I would suggest a pallet beside your.bed as well. Hugs mama I know what it's like not to get the sleep you need.

[Kailey's mom]

I'm not even going to tell you how long I slept in my mom's bed everynight. You'll freak.. so, since I was once in your son's shoes.. I'll give ya some suggestions

Put another bed in your room..and one ds goes to sleep.. move him, or move into the other bed.

Once your son falls asleep, go lay on the couch..and slowly make his room yours, and your's his... very slowly.. It might work ??

Good luck!

[racheepoo]

As soon as I'm not touching him he wakes up. I could do a sleeping bag or something, but I just bought a bed for his room...it won't fit in mine and I really can't afford anything of that magnitude for my room for him to sleep in. Hmm.

[SunshineJ]

DS is 7 and we still do the bedroom shuffle through the night. We moved back in August and our bed somehow got smaller (we told him he didn't fit in it anymore - well he IS getting pretty big, and it's a queen size with 2 adults and a pint sized bedhog!). What we've done was just tell him sleeping in our bed is no longer an option. Period. We start off in his room, then for the first waking he usually ends up in our room - on the double stacked twin mattress wedged between the wall and my side of the bed. If he needs to know I'm still there all he has to do is reach a hand over. Some nights I fall asleep with my hand resting on his back. Yeah, we REALLY wanted him out of our room, but we're up to about 95% of the time out of our bed so that's tremendous for us at least. Now if he'd stop waking up 2-5 times a night we'd be in great shape

[waldorfknitmama]

I also slept with my mom for wayyyy tooooo long as well ( like you did, kailey's mom) and the best advice to give is to sleep next to him in your own bed (but you can still touch him. . . hold is hand, spoon him) but you'll be physically in your own bed (perhaps move both of you on a make-shift bed on the floor if money is a problem). Trust me, by moving him into his own bed and into his own room, you'll get much less sleep then if you sucked it up and slept close to him. Obviously he's not ready and if you really force the issue, he could be more wakeful at night, and he'll feel regected, and sad. I know you need sleep, we all do, but please consider your little wee one is probably needs his mommy.

[EricaDoula]

What about letting him sleep with a body pillow? That way he will be able to feel like he is laying next to something?

[racheepoo]

I have tried the body pillow, it was one of the first things I thought would work. This all stems from the last year of my marriage and he's had night terrors ever since. I just thought with patience and love, and ONLY ME 24/7 that he would grow out of it. He's talking about wanting friends over for sleepovers, but not understanding that *they* can't also come to mommy's bed in the middle of the night.

Oh well. I'm not pushing it...it's just something I wish I'd done differently.

[Kailey's mom]

Originally Posted by waldorfknitmama

I also slept with my mom for wayyyy tooooo long as well ( like you did, kailey's mom) and the best advice to give is to sleep next to him in your own bed (but you can still touch him. . . hold is hand, spoon him) but you'll be physically in your own bed (perhaps move both of you on a make-shift bed on the floor if money is a problem). Trust me, by moving him into his own bed and into his own room, you'll get much less sleep then if you sucked it up and slept close to him. Obviously he's not ready and if you really force the issue, he could be more wakeful at night, and he'll feel regected, and sad. I know you need sleep, we all do, but please consider your little wee one is probably needs his mommy.

I agree with this.. my mom is actually standing right here and she just told me that it made things worse.. I guess I would kick the door nonstop in a state of panic nonstop until she gave in

[lalemma]

I don't have any answers for you, but I want to tell you that it's absolutely okay that you have needs and that one of those needs is to sleep by yourself. Your son is of course also entitled to need what he needs, but a family is a process of negotiation so that everybody gets as much as possible of what they need to be sane and healthy, not one parent giving up on all her needs to please others. It's hard to be a great parent if you're exhausted 24/7.

[SunshineJ]

D'oh, clearly not thinking well tonight. What I left out of my previous post is that the twin mattress we use is an inflatable air mattress. That way it's cheaper and can be hidden in the closet or deflated if company is coming over or something. I think a single runs about $18, so for 2 of them (they make "double stacks" as well, but we weren't sure how many kids would be sleeping on them!)it was under $40. So, so worth it - he gets mom and dad's room, mom and dad get bed space, mom doesn't wake up curled into a funky position with kick-sized bruises breathing kiddie nighttime halitosis!

[meemee]

Originally Posted by racheepoo

Oh well. I'm not pushing it...it's just something I wish I'd done differently.

I will disagree with you right here.

you HAVE done the right thing.

i really think we dont give enough importance to the psychological importance to cosleeping and even breastfeeding.

i know its tough. i totally understand. i am single mom too. however seeing how it has contributed to my dd's wellbeing i totally understand the importance of it.

look at it as your investment in your son's future. you are helping him be a content and confident adult. yes it is coming at a cost to you, but it seems you are ready to pay it.

for the first 6 years of dd's life i could not go back to school. it just would not work. and i had the choice so i did not go back.

my dd is a high needs, intense, with anxiety, too mature for her emotional age child. thank god she made life 'hell for me' and insisted on her own way. i gladly would repeat all the hardships of parenting if the result is this confident and happy child i have.

dd has mental illness on both sides of her family. at her age her dad was severely depressed. his family still thanks me for the good job i have done with dd even though it tears her heart up that she cant spend anytime with daddy AND mommy.

she has gone thru some pretty hard emotional stages. and i think the skin to skin contact at night is absolutely crucial to her. she used to sleep on a bunk bed with her dad. she would have nightmares every night at his place. never with me. and then she got her dad to start cosleeping too and she sleeps much better. however she is a good sleeper so i dont have issues.

i understand your son is 6. and things 'should' be different. i mean just you following AP and not letting him 'cio' is helping him immensely. dd's dad was just like dd when he was a baby. his single mom couldnt give him what he most wanted. continuous skin to skin contact. and i see who he is today. and i never, ever want my dd to be like him. i will make every effort to see she is given what she needs emotinally. if even after that she still turns out like him, then at least i have tried my best.