Sucking on others' toys protocol

[Cherry_Milan]

Hi. Long time non-member lurker; new to posting.

[JL83]

Originally Posted by Cherry_Milan

When the doctor called back with the test results I told her about my friend's concern. The doc said that my son is not contagious at all. she said,"your son cannot give another child any disease, don't worry." I emailed the message to my friend. Later that day I saw she posted on facebook, "my mom is washing the jumperoo in clorox right now". She was washing it because my son had played in it the day before.

Just to make sure it's clear - while your son might not be able to pass on this particular thing, he can pass on other diseases.

I don't care if another child sucks on his toys. But I know not all moms see it this way. What is the protocol?

Also, is it unhealthy that it's just my son and me all day? It socializing important and necessary for a baby?

Here's the thing. Many rashes are from very contagious, sometimes nasty things. From going to LLL meetings, library hours, and playgroups for the last 3 years - these are the "rules" I've figured out.

1) Puking and diarrhea (the real sick kind, not from teething): wait for 24 hours after the last episode before playing with other kids.
2) Colds: are contagious before you know the kid has them, so stay home if your kid is actually miserable. Things like coughs can last for 4 to 6 weeks after the end of the virus while the throat heals - so that's nothing to worry about.
3) Rashes: unless you know what it is and that it's not contagious, avoid contact. Even simple yeast rashes can be a HUGE pain to get rid of and are easily spread from one child to another.

My opinion on socializing. Some people need more than others. I would have been in serious trouble from PPD without having scheduled things to do every week. At the beginning, the socializing was entirely for me. I had a playgroup I went to once or twice a week. I did the story time at the library (where I could walk in good weather). I had a mommy-and-me class once a week all the time. I found people to hang out with at these things and scheduled playdates for the other mornings every week. For most of her 1st year I had something at 10am every single morning. We stayed home on weekends with daddy. When there would be a break between sessions, I could feel myself getting depressed.

Around a year, DD started to remember the kids she saw at playgroup. She still didn't care very much, but she would get excited when we'd go. It was VERY nice to have different toys for her to play with. And it was nice to have people for me to talk to.

It's OK that your son puts things in his mouth. Just take this as a learning experience that rashes can be a big deal. When my DD used to get thrush (after getting it from a kid at our playgroup who's mother didn't think it was a big deal - and then fought it for close to 6 months) outbreaks, I'd bring some toys from home for her to chew on when we went places.

[snoopy5386]

I think your friend was being a little paranoid. I think the norm is kids suck on toys and it is no big deal, maybe some moms clean them after, we certainly don't.....the toys will dry and the germs will die and we'll all live another day.

[ShyDaisi]

I am the type of mom that I wouldn't care. Unless your child is going to vomit on mine, if your child feels up to playing, I am good with that. I never cared about toy chewing, but my son is out of that stage now, so luckily I don't have to worry about reactions like your friend. I try to be respectful of others "sickness boundaries" but I make it clear what mine are too.

ETA: If a toy gets bombarded with snot, I might be inclined to clean it

[Learning_Mum]

If it's a friend I wouldn't worry. Mainly because you're likely to know if their bubba is coming down with something / sick etc.

At playgroups I would probably try to keep things out of their mouths but if they snuck it in without me seeing, I don't think it would be the end of the world!

I think generally people know that babies put things in their mouths and honestly if I were to go to someones house for a playdate and they freaked out about my baby putting toys in their mouth I probably wouldn't want to hang out with them again.

[Honey693]

Originally Posted by snoopy5386

I think your friend was being a little paranoid. I think the norm is kids suck on toys and it is no big deal, maybe some moms clean them after, we certainly don't.....the toys will dry and the germs will die and we'll all live another day.

This is my take on things. I have way better things to do than soak DD's toys in bleach. Truth be told, I'd be more worried about the bleach than the germs.

[snuggly]

The first couple times playing at a new friend's I usually say something if dd is drooling and chewing one of their toys. I might say: "Looks like M is loving teething that giraffe... If you like I can take it with us, clean it, and bring it back to you next time we get together." That way a) I am sensitive to my host's "germ boundaries" b) I can find out their comfort level with the toy mouthing and c) I can express wanting to be friends and see them again!

9 times out of 10 they will laugh and say "no problem" (after all, their LO is probably simultaneously teething our toys- so, 2 way street!)

We now have about 3 close mom/toddler friends. We openly talk about it (ie: "N. had the sniffles last week... Are you all still up for playing?") and give each other the chance to decide what to expose their LO to. I will say, I think that all us moms have loosened way up as our LOs get older. At this age, 14 m, we all are much more relaxed germ-wise!

As for socializing, we met most of our buddies at the library's "babies story-time". We also love to meet new people at mom/baby yoga, the local nature center, kids' museum, parks, etc. DD is shaping up to be a real extrovert! She gets really cranky if it is just her and I all day!

[lach]

This is one of those things that some moms take very seriously, and others don't. I'm really bad about caring, and I don't think that's necessarily a good thing. My best friend goes totally overboard, imho. I love her and all, but she sanitizes every toy that any child who comes over to her house plays with.



It's just one of those "different strokes" things. She thinks that what she does is completely normal, and that it's what everyone else does (she knows I'm a slob, though).

[Cascadian]

I would have been your friend the first time around. I was paranoid about every. thing. Especially wierd rashes that doctors were puzzled about, causing trips to specialists. There are some out there that would be a b*tch to catch and then have to treat.

Now, with #2, not so much. I've chilled out quite a bit.

One thing...I've noticed my friendships with a variety of mamas come in and out of focus for a multitude of reasons. When you put kids into the mix, it also becomes about them and their needs, their safety, your personal values meshing, etc. Friendships with other parents is such a tenuous thing, IMO. Good luck..

[annettemarie]

Moving to Life with a Babe

[coraljean]

If I invite someone with another baby over to my house to play, I pretty much just assume that the baby will chew on our toys. That's what babies do. It was a little insensitive of your friend to post that on facebook for you to see. In the future, it never hurts to give a little heads up before you see someone if there is any issue that could possibly be contagious, like a previous poster said. Personally, I don't worry much about sanitizing. We go to the coffee shop and my LO puts toys from the communal toy bin in his mouth all the time, and he went 12 months without ever getting a cold or anything.

I don't think young babies necessarily need to socialize, it is more for the mom at this point. I wouldn't give up because of this one experience though. Our favorite places are storytime at the library, the coffee shop, and the playground when the weather is nicer. Meeting other moms is kind of like dating: some you will click with, some you just wont.

Coral Jean
Mama to Dylan 12/20/08

[LaughingHyena]

I always figured if people are happy with the toys landing on the floor then chewing is fair game. I did know a couple of people who got out a new toy every time their little one dropped one on the floor. I don't think we owned that many toys

I usually took something along to LLL meetings and places where I didn;t know the people so well.

When people came to play here I put away the cloth toys which I was uncomfortable with others chewing and I did tend to wipe things down as I put them away.

[JL83]

I think that the point I tried to make in my 1st response has been lost.

There is a big difference, IMO, between normal toy chewing (which I am totally fine with) and chewing by a child who might have something that's really contagious.

I normally could care less about healthy children chewing on things. That seems totally reasonable to me.

But a child with an unknown rash which could be horrible to get rid of if my child catches it is another story.

I would be annoyed and feel like cleaning things if someone came over with a sick kid.