Is cosleeping not right for us? Need help

[saffrongirl]

I need some suggestions regarding our sleeping arrangements. Here's some background: we coslept with my first dd until she was a year old. In the beginning she would sleep basically attached to my nipple wedged in my armpit. As she got older, she was more and more like sleeping with an octopus. Her body suddenly seemed to convert to "all limb" mode and she would kick and eventually end up being the perpendicular line between the two legs of an 'H' (with dp and I being the legs). I finally asked myself in my sleep-deprived state if any of us were really getting anything great from the experience and the answer was "no". She transferred to a crib when she was a year old. It was a tricky transition but we all seemed to sleep better (her included).

Flash forward and we have a three month old dd. I knew we would definitely cosleep for awhile. I'm BFing and I knew I could get more sleep just being able to toss the boob at her in the middle of the night instead of having to get up to feed her. That has mostly worked but lately she seems to be flailing a lot in her sleep. It almost seems like she dozes and doesn't get solid deep sleep. In fact, she'll wake herself up often with her flailing. I don't think swaddling is an option because she gets REALLY angry when her arms are tied down. I am a fairly light sleeper and I wake every time she moves next to me even if she does manage to calm down and get herself back to sleep. I almost feel like I'm sleeping worse instead of better now that she's older - maybe she takes up more room in bed now too.

Anyway, does anyone have any suggestions? I can't imagine just putting her in her own crib alone right now - kind of feels like sticking her in a dog-house in the backyard (like that weird of a concept to me since she's so little). Is co-sleeping just not right for us since she's so "flaily" and I'm such a light sleeper? What can I do? I'm just so damn tired and crabby.

[texmati]

This sounds just like my ds. He does this little 'sleep disco' after being asleep for an hour or so. DH and I decided to keep swaddling at night. DS screams blue murder while he's being swaddled, but I nurse him straight afterwords, and he drops off to sleep.

He doesn't seem to mind the swaddle as he nurses at night (i guess he doesn't wake up all the way?). By morning he's figured out how to get his little arms out.

Have you tried swaddling for a few nights?

ETA: I often put DS in the crib for that first stretch of sleep at night, and then bring him in the bed. I only have to get up once a night. I think what works best for your family is what you should do-- it doesn't have to be all or nothing.

[annettemarie]

I'm going to move this over to Family Bed and Nighttime Parenting, where you can get some adviced from seasoned been there, done that moms as well as moms of babies.

[nextcommercial]

It didn't work for us. I need my own space in bed. I can't even have my husband moving around a lot.. much less a third person in the bed.

My daughter slept great in her own room, in her crib, but by 16 months, she was crawling in our bed at 5:00 a.m every morning. I was fine with that because I had already gotten a good night's sleep, and she went back to sleep for a couple of hours.

[sunshynbaby]

Can you try swaddling after LO is in a deep sleep?

Side-caring a crib might be another option. It would give you each a seperate sleep space, but you would be right next to eachother.

My only other thought is to stick it out. DS went through a wiggly sleeping phase around three months, but he sleeps much better now. It could be a phase. I hope for your sake that it is!

[lessmith23]

In terms of swaddling I'm wondering if "The Woombie" (http://www.thewoombie.com/) might be an option for you LO. My DD hated having her arms at her side but need to be restrained a little otherwise she kept waking herself up with her flailing arms. The Woombie has been fantastic, we're still using it and DD is 5 months old. We usually don't swaddle for naps but if she's overtired and won't relax I put her in it and she's asleep almost instantly.

This also might prevent your LO from flailing around if you'd still like to have them sleep in your bed.

[texaspeach]

ds flails/thrashes around in his sleep if he has a wet diaper. If I don't get up to change him it's like being in a boxing ring. Once dry he is less active in his sleep.

[Kreeblim]

None of my kids could stand to be swaddled after the first few weeks...maybe try the different methods of swaddling that PPs mentioned just in case, but don't get discouraged if it still doesn't work for you. There really ARE kids who can't deal with being restrained.

The side-car cosleepers (we have arms reach) or putting the crib right next to the bed are awesome because the baby is still close but you can't wake each other up via movement. The cosleeper was especially great for breastfeeding because I didn't have to even sit up to scoop him into bed for a feeding.

Another thing to consider is whether he might be a light sleeper as well. Maybe his flailing is a responce to your noises or movement? The only one of ours who did NOT co-sleep for at least the first year is VERY sensitive to stimulus and slept much better in a dark quiet room than anywhere near us. Just to give you an idea of how weird he is compared to the others, he will delicately push one key at a time on a piano to hear a "ding" at 18 months, whereas the other two would furiously keysmash to create a ruckus anytime they saw a piano until they were at least 3. He can't handle too much input at one time.

[octobermom]

We did a combo of total old fashion cosleeping sidecaring and co rooming just depending on the season we were in. Many many times everyone got the best sleep where there was a bit of "space" so during those times we found co rooming where DD slept in her crib that was in our room its often how she'd start out and it wasn't long before her natural sleep patterns kept her comfortably there for most of the night. SO of course we went with it. There were times where she seemed to need me (or my boobs) a bit more at night say early on or during growth spurts but shes still seemed to sleep better if she could have a bit of space during that time side caring worked best for us. (and maybe a good option for you) and times where only mommy would do especially during illiness transation ect where she'd snuggle right with me.
And our total pattern give or take..
NB slept in bassinet in our room I sat up to feed as she was sooo tiny it terrified me to have her in our bed and she needed the help to nurse...
around a month or so she sidecared with us untill around 6-7 months where she begain the flailing and waking herself stage..
8months - begin sleeping back in her crib but co roomed
11 months we converted her crib to a toddler bed still room shared and sometimes woke to her back in our bed
22 months we moved and she got her own room we did NOT expect her to want to sleep in it but shes took one look at the new bed we bought and said see ya! and while sure shes had days ect been in her room since..
Deanna

[saffrongirl]

Well maybe I'll try swaddling. Does anyone know if I can get the Woombie at a retailer nearby or do I have to order it? I'd like to avoid spending more on a sidecar-type arrangement...I just really need to get some real sleep.

[texmati]

If you have a crib-- this link might help you side car it. I think the woombie is only available online.