Help my husband vaccinated my child and did not tell me

[auraorigin]

Hi Everyone,
My husband just informed me that he vaccinated our daughter at a different clinic than the one we had been using without telling me!!! He did the Dtap and the first round of polio back in September. I thought we were waiting until she was two to start talking about the vaxs we wanted to do!! I don't know what to do, but I think that this could be categorized legally as battery though. Does anyone know what my legal standing is on this?

[LVale]

If you are divorced, have legal custody of the minor child, etc. then you might have a leg to stand on. Since this is not the case, your husband has the legal rights to have the child vaccinated. It would be the same as if you took the child to be vaccinated. It would not be seen as legal battery to a child. I am so sorry that this happened. Any court in the land would just see this as a missed communication between the parents.

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

Did he do this knowing you wanted to wait or was it a true miscomunication? Seems odd that he took her to a different clinic though. How old is your dd?

[auraorigin]

husband did not tell me about vax

My dd is now 25 months. He took her to another clinic so that I would not know, I am assuming. It is very odd in general, and I am really at odds with what to do. Thanks for the replies. It was definitely not miscommunication, he admitted to being deceptive when he informed me. I am really upset because I had no idea if her leg was hurting or anything from the vax, I did not look for side effects because I had no idea he had vaxed her. She has had a cough for 7 weeks now (antibiotics he insisted on did not work) but I am attributing it now to her decreased immune function due to the vaxes! She has been so healthy up until this time, I was so happy we had not vaxed. He took her to the doctor today without telling me and tried to vax her again, but our ped knows me and wanted my permission. We are currently not advised to do anything about the cough except monitor and humidify(in case you were wondering)

[SunshineJ]

I'm so sorry. As this is the vax discussion forum, I can't really say what my main courses of action would be relationship wise other than to have a very, very serious sit-down with DH about this issue. Find out why, what's motivating him, why our decision and my wishes were so disregarded and once having that information, present him with factual information on vaxes, diseases etc. to re-evaluate the decision. If I were still speaking to him and could do so without removing my foot from his behind that is....

[auraorigin]

husband did not tell me about vax

Ha Ha! LOL Thanks for the reply.

[~Boudicca~]

nm

[rabrog]

I'd be divorcing him immediately and if he wouldn't give me all rights to the medical issues of the child, I'd leave with the child and no one would find us...period. But that's me.

Jenn

[ema-adama]

Oh my gosh.

I agree with SunshineJ - this is much MUCH bigger than vaccines. That is a profound abuse of your trust. Does your DH have to be with your LO without you for any reason? Is there any way you can make sure that he is not alone with her until you get this sorted out between the two of you?

I am so sorry you are in that situation. And I hope you are able to find a way to get the issues sorted in your communication. You don't have to agree with everything as a couple, but going behind the others back to get your way is just not acceptable.

[dentmom]

This is so beyond pro- or anti-vax. You need to have a huge discussion with him regarding trust and respecting your wishes as well. luckily you have a ped who at least respects you. GL mama

[Yulia_R]

honestly I'd feel the same way. it is SO unacceptable it's not even funny...

[rayo de sol]

That's so horrible, auraorigin.

If I were you I would file for divorce now.

Consult a lawyer and see if you can get full custody.

Also, I think there are some homeopathic remedies that are considered sort of antidotes to vaccines. I don't really know much about homeopathy, though.

[Lisa85]

What I would do would depend on whether it was a genuine misconception or outright deception. If the latter, it would be grounds for divorce. I would try counseling starting immediately on rebuilding trust and the like, but honestly I wouldn't hold much hope.

[AnnieNimIty]

Good on the Dr. Counseling and I wouldn't let him be with her by himself if possible. Barring issues with who is working and who is watching her.
But if my DH did that one of us would be moving out.

[claddaghmom]

Whoa! Even took her to a different clinic! So what made him fess up??

I agree w/ the PP that is way beyond vaccines. I can only speculate but I would consider this a "leave the house until further notice and sign up for marital counseling" event for me. You don't sneak off with a kid and do medical things to her while deliberately hiding it from another parent. This hits waaay too many red flags.

[Spirit Dancer]

IS your Dh really truly very afraid that your dd could get really sick or die from a vaccine preventable disease? If so, it could explain why he did it. Some people I know are VERY, VERY afraid of not vaxxing because they honestly think their child might die. SO WHY did he do it? That would be my starting point. Also the fact he confessed to you (unless he was caught and confessed then) shows it was really bothering him to deceive you and he got up the courage to tell you.
Anyway, I do agree that you guys need to have some serious talks here and work through things and work on raising your level of trust. Has he done deceitful things before or is this a one time thing? If it has happened before, perhaps you two should look into marriage counseling since trust is such a key issue in marriage. I would never get a divorce over something like this but I would be very hurt.
BTW, if the vax did bring her immune system down you can bring it up again

[Emmeline II]

He has equal rights to her; there is nothing you can do legally.

If he hasn't really researched vaccination, now is the time to start.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Here are some questions to answer for yourself in deciding about vax.

1. Name of the disease
2. Description of the disease
3. Length of time from initial infection to end of all symptoms
4. Infectious period
5. Normal symptoms of the disease
6. Known serious consequences of the disease
7. Proportion of persons infected developing serious consequences
8. Transmission route of the disease
9. Prevalence of the disease
10. Treatments of the disease and efficacy of those treatments
11. Relevant research about the disease
12. Name of the vaccine
13. Company that makes the vaccine
14. Contents of the vaccine
14A. The significance of whether or not the vaccine is live
15. History of development of the vaccine
16. Known side-effects of the vaccine and rate of incidence of those side-effects
17. Possible side-effects not yet acknowledged by the vaccine maker
18. Relevant research into the vaccine
19. How effective is the vaccine at preventing the disease?
20.What is the vaccine meant to do? (Many vaccines are not meant to prevent infection or transmission).
21.Number of cases reported each year.
22.Number of deaths reported each year from the vaccine and natural disease.

Here are some sources to help you out:

Vaccines: The Risks, The Benefits, The Choices 1/18DVD, By Sherri J. TENPENNY



http://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/mmwr_wk.html (download the current issue)
http://www.cdc.gov/vaccines/pubs/pin...k-chapters.htm
http://vaers.hhs.gov/pdf/PackageInserts.pdf
http://video.google.com/videoplay?do...40451107552&q=
http://video.google.com/videoplay?do...87981735&hl=en
http://www.cdc.gov/vaccines/pubs/pin...ses&deaths.pdf

Health Sentinel Graphs

WHO GRAPH

Vaccine Injury Table

Beyond Conformity Resources Page
Do you have a quick-fire summary?

Inside Vaccines

[Marnica]

Originally Posted by Lisa85

What I would do would depend on whether it was a genuine misconception or outright deception. If the latter, it would be grounds for divorce. I would try counseling starting immediately on rebuilding trust and the like, but honestly I wouldn't hold much hope.

Yup to this.....this is soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo not ok. Not sure what kind of relationship you had before hand, but this really shows what he is capable of to get what he wants. SCARY. So incredibly sorry for you and esp your LO. Go see an ND immediately. They can help detox some of the crap from your LO's body.

[DCMama01]

Originally Posted by Spirit Dancer

IS your Dh really truly very afraid that your dd could get really sick or die from a vaccine preventable disease? If so, it could explain why he did it. Some people I know are VERY, VERY afraid of not vaxxing because they honestly think their child might die. SO WHY did he do it? That would be my starting point. Also the fact he confessed to you (unless he was caught and confessed then) shows it was really bothering him to deceive you and he got up the courage to tell you.
Anyway, I do agree that you guys need to have some serious talks here and work through things and work on raising your level of trust. Has he done deceitful things before or is this a one time thing? If it has happened before, perhaps you two should look into marriage counseling since trust is such a key issue in marriage. I would never get a divorce over something like this but I would be very hurt.
BTW, if the vax did bring her immune system down you can bring it up again

ITA. This isn't grounds for divorce, but rather a serious discussion on the subject of vaccinations. If he truly thought he was saving her life or serious illness, I can understand why he would sneak off.

[2lilsweetfoxes]

It struck me that suppose you decided the next week you wanted your baby vaccinated--and you and the doctor did not know she had just received the vaccinations--so now she's getting two doses way too close together! Or, she ended up getting a double dose of a set of shots. Not good.