Does anyone every tell you that your DC have too many toys?

[FallingLeaves]

My IL's, who happen to live with us, are always telling me that my DD's have too many toys. They have a good amount of toys and although I really don't think they have an excess amount of toys, maybe they are right, but they are my DD's and it's my house. I am not very good at keeping things organized so the toys are all over the den and dining room. My IL's keep suggesting that I move most of the toys to DD's room upstairs. DD's don't sleep up there, it's the room over the garage that has a mattress, a playstand, and a low Montessori shelf. There is also a small table and chairs. I like that the room has a minimal amount of things and that is where most of the high quality, wooden toys are kept. DD's are 2 and 4 and aren't allowed to go up there by themselves so I don't think moving most of their things up there is really fair to them. My IL's think that DD's should only have 3 or 4 toys each downstairs and everything else should be upstairs.

I don't like their suggestion and gave them various reasons of why I don't want to move the toys upstairs. They gave me a big lecture about how bored my DD's are because they have access to too many toys etc, etc. I don't think they are bored at all, but my IL's and I have very different parenting styles and everything they think is wrong with my DD's is because I don't spank them and they have too many toys.

I just wanted to get some opions about this. Does anyone ever tell you your DC have too many toys? How do you respond? Would you move most of your kids toys upstairs because your IL's think you should? If you did need to reduce the amount of toys your children have, how would you go about that? I really don't think they have too many toys, I just think I need to organize them better and help DD's put them back in their place more often.

[octobermom]

I was told the exact opposit by my MIL we were the ones who limited to like 3-4 toys and rotated because mine would get bored and would jsut wade through dumped toys if we had too much out. Having less worked better for us. Doesn't mean its the same for everyone and just like I wasn't grossly neglecting my DD creativity buy not having a mini Toys R US exploding in our living room I seriously doubt you having more toys is all that horrible.
IF you do find you want to reduce...
1) reduce down toys broken with missing parts ect (the duh part)
2) IF the toys hasn't been honestly played with despite full acess in say 6 months eaither give away or put away
3) Storage is great a simple place for everything so a toy can be easily put away when done. at 2 and 4 we found just a simple open shelf such as an open book shelf and clear bins worked great for organizing toys easy to see where things went easy for the kiddo to handle ect..

Deanna

[JessicaTX]

I was told I had too many toys for my son by my roommate, who proceeded to steal all those toys and move while I was on vacation. Maybe your inlaws are just jealous that their kids didn't have that much.

[newbymom05]

As far as the amount of toys goes, I think this is a generational thing. My DH and I are 40 and we had far less toys growing up than our children do. After talking with my mom (who thinks we have a lot of toys, although she's never said too many), we decided that our boys have more than I did, I had more than she did, and she probably had way more than her mother did. Toys are cheaper now, there's more of them, and they're easier to buy--they're everywhere!

My mom doesn't like any clutter, so she notices toys on the floor. I just tell her we have far less than many of our friends. If the toys don't bother *you* I'd do the same in your case---just blow off your IL and laugh and say "Oh, you should see T's house! It's like a toy shop!" and go on your way. I personally wouldn't move my toys to a less accessible place. Maybe offer to make a clutter/toy free zone for your ILs?

I think many older people don't like clutter, esp on the floor (falling issues?) and probably raised their children w/ a more adult/house-centered vibe, ie the house was always clean and picked up while the kids played outside unsupervised, etc. Nothing wrong w/ that, but that's different than living in a child/family centered house IMO. Like you say, it's your house so I'd try to cultivate an inner happy place to go to when your IL complains.

[abeliamama]

My mom says the same thing but she buys half of them.
I do try to put a lot away and bring them back out later. Then they play with them more.

[SunshineJ]

Do they play with their toys? If they play with them, then it's not too much. It sounds like the problem is that your inlaws don't like looking at them (um the toys not the children!). It's a philosophy thing really, and very generational. In our parents day, the attitude tended to be more one of "This is MY house and I let my children live here until they grow up", vs the more current attitude of "This is the FAMILY'S house, and we all live here". The former attitude is often seen (though not always of course) when you walk into a house and the children are given very narrow parameters on where their things are allowed. We definitely have the latter attitude, and I remember it was very difficult for my dad to understand why the children were allowed to have toys in their rooms, the playroom downstairs AND the other main living areas - like even though DH and I had our things throughout the house, the children were "guests" or temporary residents and shouldn't be afforded the same priviledge. I think this also goes along with the older attitude about schedules. I know my mom has commented often that if she wanted to go some where she just picked me up and went, whereas DH and I tried hard to factor our children into such decisions. If it were close to naptime for example, we didn't go anywhere. Mom expected me to sleep where I was, we "catered" to the children's schedule. I'm not saying either is right or wrong here, just what I've observed and what was right for us.

I do thnk it may help if you can find a place for things. Large baskets and toyboxes are great at hiding the kiddie clutter of toys while still keeping them within easy reach. That way in the evening you can have a 5 min game with your kids of who can pick up most the fastest, get everything chucked into baskets and out of underfoot. You end up with a tidier house and the in-laws hopefully stop complaining. If that doesn't work, I'd have DH or myself nicely but firmly tell them that I appreciate their concern however we don't believe it's a problem. I'd gently point out that our generation parents differently and that if respecting our parenting choices is causing them stress to the point of constantly condemning our life in our own house, they are MORE than welcome to stay in a hotel.

[aelf]

My mom and I have had so many fascinating conversations about the amount of toys and opportunities and such my child has compared to what I grew up with, and compared to what my mom grew up with.

I don't live with my mom, but when she visits she might make a comment about it being hard for my daughter to get to a particular toy because of other toys. Or I'll mention that we recently re-organized and that led to my daughter playing a lot with a toy she'd barely touched before.

My kid has a lot more stuff than I had. All of my toys were in my room when I was a kid. If we tried to put all of my daughter's toys in her room, there'd hardly be room for her. My excuse is that she's still young (6), and hasn't yet narrowed a lot of her interests, so we have some of a Bunch of different things. As she gets older, there are things we'll weed out because she's simply not interested in them. I didn't have the opportunity to be exposed to a bunch of stuff my child is. I had lots of access to music and books, but didn't have a rock or fossil collection, didn't have nearly the variety of craft supplies, didn't have the different doll options. All of that is very difficult to organize. And it's also difficult for my daughter to pick things out beyond the standards if they haven't been recently organized.

Maybe your ILs have some suggestions for how to organize the toys _where they are_? We found baskets in book cases helped with organization and still allowed us to have a living room that didn't look entirely like a toy and craft store. *grin*

[earthmama369]

My grandmothers say the same thing every time they come up. What they don't take into account is that their own children each had their own room, plus they had attics and basements to store things. *Everything* both of my children own -- toys, furniture, tumbling mat, bouncy pony, blocks, books, games, extra blankets and pillows, seasonal items, etc. -- is in one fairly small bedroom with one closet. No attic, no basement. It's a bit cluttered, but I have a feeling when we move into a bigger house and separate everything into two bedrooms and the usual storage areas most houses have, it will turn out that they have about the same -- or fewer -- toys and things than many American children do today.

[Keria]

First of all it's your house, your toys and your kids so at the end of the day you know what makes your kids happy and what works in your house.

Now for the second part I kind of agree with your IL's I think that less can be more, if you leave out 4 toys for each kid that's 8 toys in the family area that's more than enough, kids especially little kids can be overwhelmed by the huge amount of things, if there are fewer things out they can focus more on a particular toy. What you can do is leave 8 toys out and rotate them every couple of weeks so your kids have access to all of their toys just not all the time.

[artgoddess]

That would really tick me off. I don't know what the circumstances are of them living with you, but I'd let them know it's not their place to complain. And if they have a problem with the amount of toys then it's just that THEIR problem, not yours and they can deal with how they feel about it on their own. But like I said I don't know the circumstances of why they are living in your home. maybe there is some reason they feel they have a say.

To answer the question though, no I have never been told my kids have too many toys. I'm always saying they do, but my family doesn't seem to think so.

[FallingLeaves]

Thanks for all of your replies. I really do think it's a generational thing and when I tell them that so and so has twice as many toys as DD's, they just don't believe it. DD's have more toys than I had growing up, but I really don't think it's excessive. I have two large bookshelves in the dinning room - it's used as a playroom and two low Montessori shelves in the den. So I don't think storage is the problem, I think they are just tired of looking at at the toys and sometimes stepping over them. I really need to work on teaching DD's to put something away before they get something else out, but they are just 4 and 2.

My husband works away most of the time and we live way out in the county on several acres. He talked his parents into moving from the state he grew up in to the state we live now. I think he did this because DD's and I would be alone most of the time. The plan was to give his parents an acre on which they could build a house but after the building experience we had, they decided they didn't want to go through that. So instead of building their own house, they live with us.

[SunshineJ]

In that case the next time they bring it up would it be to rude to nicely reply "So have you thought any more about building your own place lately?"

[angie7]

Everyone tells me that my twins have too many toys, I KNOW they do! They are the only grandchildren on both sides and the only great grandchildren on my dh's side. They are spoiled rotten. They have their own playroom that is literally exploding with toys. I also have a ton of toys packed away in our basement that we don't have room for not to mention the tons of toys I got rid of last year at a yard sale. I don't like their toys downstairs in the main part of the house. We just moved into this house in Nov from our tiny 2 bdrm house where their toys were all over the living and dining room. I love it now that they have their own play room, upstairs and my living room and dining room look normal again. Not only do they have a ton of toys, they have a ton of clothes too. I have boxes and boxes of clothes packed away as well.

[Alyantavid]

IRL? No. On here, yes. Most kids we know irl have 3 times as many toys as we do.

Do what works for you. We do have lots of toys, but my kids play with everything we have. If they don't, we get rid of it. All of our toys are in our playroom, which is mostly organized (well enough that they can find and put away things and I don't go nuts over the mess). We don't do toys in the bedrooms because their rooms are downstairs, away from where the rest of us are usually, and because I like that their bedrooms have beds, clothes and a quiet spot for them to do their own thing without toys.

[noobmom]

Yep, and the funny thing is that I think the people who tell me that have just has much toys or MORE for their kids. I don't worry about it.

[redpajama]

While I don't recall that anyone has ever told us our kids have too many toys, *I* think they have too many toys. It works out okay because of the way our house is laid-out (although not particularly large, our house is two stories plus a finished basement, so I keep some toys in their upstairs bedrooms, some toys in the main floor living room, and the majority in the basement playroom), but I can imagine that it would be different if I were keeping all their toys in the living room/main living spaces like it sounds like you are.

To answer your question, first of all--No, I wouldn't necessarily move the toys "because my in-laws thought I should." If my in-laws lived with us, I would try to be respectful of their feelings and ideas, but ultimately, I wouldn't move all the kids toys just for that reason.

I would recommend sorting the toys into rubbermaid (or similar) bins and rotating what is available to them on a weekly or monthly basis. It's something I've been meaning to do here. Because my kids are almost-5, 3, and 4 months, I sort of hate to get rid of stuff because even if something isn't getting a lot of use I'll think, "Maybe the baby will really enjoy this someday!" But I've been meaning to just box up a lot of the stuff that doesn't get played with much and put it away for a while. I'll also have a garage sale this summer to get rid of some of the stuff I *don't* anticipate anyone eventually wanting.