Girls will be girls...

[staceychev]

Sometimes all the things we do to try and make our children's lives "gender neutral" still don't make a dent...

My dad gave DD a remote controlled dinosaur for her birthday this summer because she was studying dinosaurs and was really into them.

I've just spent the last fifteen minutes watching her with yellow yarn and a pair of scissors giving the dinosaur a beautiful new hairstyle and insisting "yes, you are a princess!"

[MusicianDad]

Ya know... Just because her dinosaur is a princess doesn't mean being gender neutral isn't effective. Being gender neutral is about not allowing gender stereotypes dictate your daughters actions. If she chooses on her own to do something girly, it's not a failure for the gender neutral attempt. It could just be who she is.

[staceychev]

Oh, totally agree. I'm a big tomboy, so I definitely haven't been doing the programming. She just came out of the womb this way. At least she climbs trees!

[meemee]

you know girls will be girls and girls will be boys too.

what is your description of gender neutral?

my description is 'super princess spidergirl' that dd called herself at 3.

i think that's true for lots of people though. one is not one pure gender, but a mixture of two. my dd is a tomboy and a girly girl too. she loves sparkley pink nails and ribbons in her hairdo and then climb trees or splash around in the mud or have a battle with teh tree outside.

the good thing about that - i see it with my dd as well as i saw it with myself - i was friends with both boys and girls. dd is 7 and i notice little groups based on gender forming on the playground. but its not strictly happening to my dd. she is still welcomed into play by boys and also by girls. she is in fact one of the rare girl kids digging in the dirt with the guys.

[frontierpsych]

lol, too cute!

I agree that "gender neutral" to me is just allowing kids to be who they are without forcing gender stereotypes on them, whether they be "tomboys" or "girly girls" or "girly boys" or "all boy" or anywhere in between.

I was a major tomboy as a child, but started getting more in touch with my feminine side during puberty. My sister was a girly pink sparkles and princesses girl, and still kind of is. My brother was somewhere in between, still one of the guys, but comfortable enough to go to Wal Mart randomly dressed in high heels and fake boobs.

[limabean]

Originally Posted by frontierpsych

I agree that "gender neutral" to me is just allowing kids to be who they are without forcing gender stereotypes on them, whether they be "tomboys" or "girly girls" or "girly boys" or "all boy" or anywhere in between.

I agree. I realize you just meant this as a cute post, OP, and the visual of your DD dressing up the dinosaur did crack me up. .

But I just wanted to comment on the above. It seems that some people really take pride when their daughters are tomboys or their sons are "girly," because it's "proof" of how delightfully progressive their family is. But if the girl really just loves princesses and pink, or the boy really just loves trucks and mud, then suppressing that is just as controlling as it would be to chide a boy away from pink or a girl away from dinosaurs.

[haleyelianasmom]

lol I love it. Yes, my daughter is the same (they're about the same age, too). And I distinctly remember drawing make-up on every single worksheet that contained a face in Kindergarten (the tiger who had to wear purple eye-shadow comes to mind). Not really sure how that happens. My dad always laughs about how when we were growing up, it was just my sister and i but my mom had a home day-care, too. the little boys would come over and turn the barbies into weapons.

I agree with the above posters, though. my daughter plays in dirt, climbs trees, but she also is in ballet and LOVES anything dress-up and make-up related. I admit, I cringe when she asks for me to make her hair "beautiful" or she insists on putting on make-up. ah well.

[Hokulele]

I LOVE this story.

Yes, sometimes girls ARE really girly! I have two girls and both of them are what would be defined as "girly" - but in very different ways. One is into glitter and dress up while the other is a nurturing soul, can't be without a doll to love and cater to.

What I love most about your story with your DD is that she took something and made it her own. She got creative and turned that dinosaur into something. Other kids might just have left the dinosaur to play with other toys. Her creativity is the best!!

[One_Girl]

I think that is awesome!! I was just thinking about the article that Mothering had about allowing guns the other day and it got me thinking about how silly it is that so many people are happy to have their sons pretending to kill things while at the same time condemning parents who allow their girls to pretend to be princesses or (gasp) play with barbies.

[Smalls181]

My DD is a good mix of girly girl and tomboy. Last summer you could mostly find her a fairy costume with giraffe rain boots, tromping through mud puddles and collecting worms.

For the past two months she will only wear dresses and skirts. Ive only managed to get pants on her when we went sledding, or if she wants to go running with me at the track.

[AllisonR]

love it. Sometimes girls are girls, nothing wrong with that.

[hollytheteacher]

Originally Posted by limabean

I agree. I realize you just meant this as a cute post, OP, and the visual of your DD dressing up the dinosaur did crack me up. .

But I just wanted to comment on the above. It seems that some people really take pride when their daughters are tomboys or their sons are "girly," because it's "proof" of how delightfully progressive their family is. But if the girl really just loves princesses and pink, or the boy really just loves trucks and mud, then suppressing that is just as controlling as it would be to chide a boy away from pink or a girl away from dinosaurs.

I know exactly what you mean! I know a family (well...knew them) and they had a daugther and a son. The son loved to have long flowy hair and wear dresses (okay fine that is what he liked/wanted) HOWEVER, they forced the daughter to have short hair and NOT be allowed to wear dresses...like they also wanted their other child to be more "opposite" in hopes of seeming more progressive! They were weird in many other ways too like getting REALLLLLY upset if someone made the mistake of calling one of their children the wrong gender (despite going OUT of their way to make their dd more boyish). I think the whole point of being gender neutral is to allow your child to make their own choices and be who they are...so by forcing the opposite it is just as unfortunate as the children who are forced to live up to society's gender stereotypes!

[Ellien C]

I swear I read an article (post here?) somewhere about some mom who was determined NOT to program her daughter and didn't want to get her dolls. And then she found her lovingly putting the trucks to bed, with their heads on pillows, tucking them in and thought, it was really time for dolls.

Proud mom of pink-frilly-girly-girl princess. I mean really, who WOULDN'T want to go grocery shopping in a wedding gown if you could get away with it?

[staceychev]

Originally Posted by Ellien C

I swear I read an article (post here?) somewhere about some mom who was determined NOT to program her daughter and didn't want to get her dolls. And then she found her lovingly putting the trucks to bed, with their heads on pillows, tucking them in and thought, it was really time for dolls.

Proud mom of pink-frilly-girly-girl princess. I mean really, who WOULDN'T want to go grocery shopping in a wedding gown if you could get away with it?

at your whole post, Ellien...

I hope I didn't come across as judgy. I adore my girly-girl. I just think it's so funny, because I never did anything to encourage it. It's just the way she is.

[mumkimum]

On a similar note, here the other day dd decked herself out as a princess and had a sword tucked in her pink skirt "in case she had trouble with the mean bad guys who were near her castle".

[staceychev]

Maybe this all means that our daughters are more resilient than Disney is pervasive...

[MusicianDad]

Originally Posted by mumkimum

On a similar note, here the other day dd decked herself out as a princess and had a sword tucked in her pink skirt "in case she had trouble with the mean bad guys who were near her castle".

When DD was little, I got the be the prisoner and she was the princess that saved me.

[stlmomof2]

Originally Posted by hollytheteacher

I know exactly what you mean! I know a family (well...knew them) and they had a daugther and a son. The son loved to have long flowy hair and wear dresses (okay fine that is what he liked/wanted) HOWEVER, they forced the daughter to have short hair and NOT be allowed to wear dresses...like they also wanted their other child to be more "opposite" in hopes of seeming more progressive! They were weird in many other ways too like getting REALLLLLY upset if someone made the mistake of calling one of their children the wrong gender (despite going OUT of their way to make their dd more boyish). I think the whole point of being gender neutral is to allow your child to make their own choices and be who they are...so by forcing the opposite it is just as unfortunate as the children who are forced to live up to society's gender stereotypes!

Yes, it does totally suck. My mom was like this. She totally forced me to cut my hair so short that it wasn't at all feminine and I would beg to stay home from school for the next week. And I don't know if she ONLY bought me boys' clothes but she'd buy whatever was on sale if it fit me (which might be clothes with trucks on it or Wrangler jeans). I never learned in a natural way how to be feminine and have had to very consciously work at it over the years when situations call for it (job interview, etc.). Not that I think the OP would do this to her kid or anything. It's just interesting to me because almost no one I meet was ever in a situation like mine. You hear things like "My mom made me take ballet lessons and wear frilly pink dresses" a lot more often.