Why do I get such angry feeling toward my baby and hate nursing so much? - Page 2

[PatioGardener]

I have been thinking of you - I'm so glad to hear that things have gotten a little better. I hope they continue to improve. Happy 1 month Birthday to your baby, and congratulations to you!

[rclaz]

Just wanted to say I have felt similarly in the past. With my daughter, I gave up breastfeeding pretty early. But, we had other problems. She wasn't gaining weight. Latch problems, reflux problems and we couldn't seem to get beyond it and get my girl gaining weight. So, I always thought it had something to do with that. Then when my son was born, at first I was FINE with breastfeeding. Everything I dreamed it would be. The "the feelings" crept in. For me, there was a direct correlation with those feelings and lack of sleep. The more tired I was the more angry I'd feel breastfeeding. I also learned that sitting and breastfeeding had this feeling of being trapped, pinned down, no freedom-type emotions attached to it. Once I learned that, and learned what it meant to be to be needed on such a deep and fundamental level by another human being I was able to reframe the experience for me. I hope some of this helps you, and that things are getting better. I definitely think breastfeeding is the best thing you can do for your baby, nutritionally and I absolutely agree with the bonding and biological benefits to breastfeeding. That said, it's not a great bonding experience if mom is sending out anger the whole time, is it? Let's say you had to pump and then give the breastmilk in a bottle while you looked into your baby's eyes and cuddled close? Would that be so bad?

[bjorker]

You don't need to respond to this, but if there is any abuse in your past, that could EASILY effect your nursing experience. I just wanted to put that out there. It's not something that you have to live with or accept as the way it's going to be. There is help out there. Look up Penny Simkin - she's done some teaching and has written a book related to this. That was very eye opening for me. She was a guest on a Motherwear breastfeeding podcast talking about childhood abuse and breastfeeding, one of the first people I've heard speak out about it, even though it effects so many mothers. Being angry or resentful towards baby during nursing is very common for abuse survivors, so like I said, I just wanted to put that out there. It would be very helpful for you to find a counsellor to speak to about this, if it's something that might be contributing to these feelings.

[ann109]

I had feelings like that too. I read something at about 5 months old and it struck me and it changed how I felt. It was on those wheel things you get fro the dr that describe the stages babies go through, what to expect and the parent/caregiver role. My role was to be "gentle and responsive." And those words brought tears (still does) to my eyes, b/c I didn't feel gentle and responsive to that point. I went from reactive to responsive and it made a difference in our relationship. Hugs and good luck to you......

[Sk8ermaiden]

Just wanted to say my baby finally (after 6 months) fixed her latch and the feelings are gone - well, except for the occasional bad latch. I hope the OP can find the problem and fix it too.

[ann109]

yeah! good to hear! It's awful when what should be a nuturing experience turns into a nightmare. Glad it has worked out for you. Did you work with a lc or did it just fix on it's own?

[Sk8ermaiden]

We worked with so many people in the beginning and no one could help.

You know what it was? The Avent bottles. Switched to Dr. Browns and we've been fine. She popped a tooth and it really exacerbated the bad latch. I pumped for a few days (Avents don't fit my pump and DBs do) and then randomly latched her because it was really late. Viola! No pain (or minimal pain).

[S.Elise]

I'm so sorry that you feel this way, and definitely second seeing a lactation consultant, even if it seems you are doing everything right, because sometimes they have random helpful suggestions about positions, herbs, or just are a shoulder to cry on. That helped me with my first guy, when I had six blisters on each nipple, low supply, and a kid that screamed 24/7 and was not gaining weight. I also had feelings of anger and wanting to throw him out the window!

With my current baby #2, now three weeks, I still HATE breastfeeding but I am able not to blame him. Thank god for my serious issues with my own weight, because if it were not for the weight loss effects of breastfeeding, I would not do it for one more second.

It sounds terribly selfish (I know how bad it sounds, but I'm being honest), but the only way I can get through this and not blame my baby is to think in my mind that I am doing this for ME...get my uterus back in shape, lose weight, reduce risks of cancers, have a break from my period, save money. Just how I cope.

[lilloccgirl]

I feel the same way, the pain of nursing, not latching well, the sounds she was making while it happening all problems i have. i have switched to pumping for my 3 week old daughter now and has gotten slightly better (still hate the gulping sounds) but now i feel that somtimes i can switch from pumping, to formula, and back to breastfeeding when i want to. I would recomend pumping and feeding that way.