I really am looking to get some responses to this from folks removed from the situation.
My friend, who I've known for about three years, is overweight. She's actually very overweight. I'm horrible at guessing weight, but I'm sure she's well over 300 lbs (perhaps nearing 400??) and maybe around 5'5. She is still mobile, but I can see her mobility has been declining this last year. She basically never goes up the stairs at her house because it is just too difficult, and has made arrangements to be able to live entirely downstairs. I know it's a challenge for her to find clothes. I know it's hard for her to put on shoes. I know she has chronic hypertension and is pre-diabetic. She is 33 years old and has three children that she really struggles to keep up with. She is just half an inch away from not being able to drive any longer because her stomach presses against the steering wheel. So, yes, clearly she is a woman who is suffering the effects of being extremely overweight. She isn't dieting right now, that I'm aware of, and hasn't ever talked about her weight being a major issue in her life. She doesn't talk about it too much, and I don't really bring it up either.
Well, I got a phone call from... oh, let's call her Jane. I don't know Jane too well, but she is very good friends with my (overweight) friend. OK, before this gets confusing, let's call my overweight friend Anne. I've done a few dinners that included both Anne and Jane - but I really don't know her very well. Anne sort of has a circle of friends that go way way back and I'm not really in that circle, if that makes sense. So, anyway, I was a little surprised to get a call. The conversation started off just catching up on what our children were up to... then Jane said "I need your help with something."
It turns out Jane is planning to stage an intervention for Anne. I was SHOCKED. Was she on drugs and I didn't even know it? What was going on? It turns out they are planning and intervention for Anne based on their "concerns about her eating habits and obesity". She is planning to through a party, which will turn into a fun "this is your life" sort of deal, which will in turn become a "this is an intervention" kind of deal. I don't know if intervention is quite the right word, but this is the word that Jane used. Everyone was going to read a letter to Anne about how much they love her and that they don't want to lose her. Everyone was also supposed to offer one concrete way in which they would support her (like "I'll go on a walk with you every monday morning" or whatever).
I told her I didn't think that sounded like a great idea, but I'd have to get back to her and made up some dumb excuse to get off the phone. Honestly, I thought it sounded HORRIBLE. Anne knows she's overweight. She KNOWS it - she can see it in the mirror, and I'm sure she hears it from her doctor. What is an intervention going to do? Jane said on the phone that "everyone" was worried that Anne is physically falling apart. (Which, frankly, I'd have to agree with...) They are worried she is going to die young and leave her children behind. The intervention, according to Jane, isn't so much a big confrontation as it is a way to show support and show her that they wanted to help her get healthy.
No matter how kind the intentions of everyone, I see this ending with Anne being completely humiliated. Instead of seeing a group of friends extending hands to help her lose weight, I think she'd see a group of friends who clearly talked about her very personal issue behind her back and all judged her harshly.
Has anyone ever heard of an intervention for someone struggling with their weight? I've seen that show on television called "Intervention", and it is usually for drug abusers... but I have seen a couple that were for eating disorders. I suppose one could argue that Anne has an eating disorder... but this all still doesn't feel quite right to me.
But does anyone else think this sounds absolutely asinine? Has anyone ever heard of this sort of thing?? Is this possibly a good idea, and I'm just reacting emotionally because I don't want confront the reality of my friend's health?
My friend, who I've known for about three years, is overweight. She's actually very overweight. I'm horrible at guessing weight, but I'm sure she's well over 300 lbs (perhaps nearing 400??) and maybe around 5'5. She is still mobile, but I can see her mobility has been declining this last year. She basically never goes up the stairs at her house because it is just too difficult, and has made arrangements to be able to live entirely downstairs. I know it's a challenge for her to find clothes. I know it's hard for her to put on shoes. I know she has chronic hypertension and is pre-diabetic. She is 33 years old and has three children that she really struggles to keep up with. She is just half an inch away from not being able to drive any longer because her stomach presses against the steering wheel. So, yes, clearly she is a woman who is suffering the effects of being extremely overweight. She isn't dieting right now, that I'm aware of, and hasn't ever talked about her weight being a major issue in her life. She doesn't talk about it too much, and I don't really bring it up either.
Well, I got a phone call from... oh, let's call her Jane. I don't know Jane too well, but she is very good friends with my (overweight) friend. OK, before this gets confusing, let's call my overweight friend Anne. I've done a few dinners that included both Anne and Jane - but I really don't know her very well. Anne sort of has a circle of friends that go way way back and I'm not really in that circle, if that makes sense. So, anyway, I was a little surprised to get a call. The conversation started off just catching up on what our children were up to... then Jane said "I need your help with something."
It turns out Jane is planning to stage an intervention for Anne. I was SHOCKED. Was she on drugs and I didn't even know it? What was going on? It turns out they are planning and intervention for Anne based on their "concerns about her eating habits and obesity". She is planning to through a party, which will turn into a fun "this is your life" sort of deal, which will in turn become a "this is an intervention" kind of deal. I don't know if intervention is quite the right word, but this is the word that Jane used. Everyone was going to read a letter to Anne about how much they love her and that they don't want to lose her. Everyone was also supposed to offer one concrete way in which they would support her (like "I'll go on a walk with you every monday morning" or whatever).
I told her I didn't think that sounded like a great idea, but I'd have to get back to her and made up some dumb excuse to get off the phone. Honestly, I thought it sounded HORRIBLE. Anne knows she's overweight. She KNOWS it - she can see it in the mirror, and I'm sure she hears it from her doctor. What is an intervention going to do? Jane said on the phone that "everyone" was worried that Anne is physically falling apart. (Which, frankly, I'd have to agree with...) They are worried she is going to die young and leave her children behind. The intervention, according to Jane, isn't so much a big confrontation as it is a way to show support and show her that they wanted to help her get healthy.
No matter how kind the intentions of everyone, I see this ending with Anne being completely humiliated. Instead of seeing a group of friends extending hands to help her lose weight, I think she'd see a group of friends who clearly talked about her very personal issue behind her back and all judged her harshly.
Has anyone ever heard of an intervention for someone struggling with their weight? I've seen that show on television called "Intervention", and it is usually for drug abusers... but I have seen a couple that were for eating disorders. I suppose one could argue that Anne has an eating disorder... but this all still doesn't feel quite right to me.
But does anyone else think this sounds absolutely asinine? Has anyone ever heard of this sort of thing?? Is this possibly a good idea, and I'm just reacting emotionally because I don't want confront the reality of my friend's health?
horrible idea!
Follow Mothering