"Intervention" for overweight friend. - Page 3

[LavenderMae]

Being obese is not a death sentence like severe bulimia and anorexia can be. Being very underweight is more deadly.

http://www.britannica.com/blogs/2009...obesity-myths/

And not everyone who is fat is a binge eater (in fact most aren't) and being fat does not equal eating unhealthily just as being thin doesn't equal eating healthfully.
Fat does not=unhealthy
Thin does not=healthy

[pumpkin]

I would try to talk Jane out of it and if that fails, I would warn Anne about their plans. Its a horrible idea that will only isolate Anne and may make the problem worse.

This is making me pretty angry. I'm a little overweight from a combo of a chronic health condition (nothing I can do about that) and some bad habits (that I am working on). Because of the health condition I will never be skinny, though I could still manage to be closer to 'ideal' than I am.

My friend who is severely overweight eats almost nothing. She exercises. She is the most disciplined person I know. Sometimes you just can't fight biology.

[Ruthla]

Originally Posted by bcblondie

I'm probably going to be horribly flamed for this but I have to say it. Call me terrible and insensitive but this person does have an eating disorder that could KILL HER.
As someone who has suffered from the opposite.. (eating too little) I would have DEFINATELY been extremely embarrased by an intervention. But the fact of teh matter is, if I continued, I could have died. If SHE continues, SHE WILL DIE!

Don't make it a massive group of people, but like, 4 of her closest friends/family that love her. She has an alterior motive for eating. She does. It's instant comfort. She needs to figure out the reason so that she can start over and have a healthy relationship with food, or she will NOT be around to watch her kids grow up.

Not necessarily. She might have a medical problem that causes her to gain and retain weight, even while eating normally. Yes, she has a problem. Yes, it MIGHT be an eating disorder. But it also might be a medical issue that has nothing to do with her behavior.

One person asking her to ask her dr about that possibility would probably be a lot more effective than a big "intervention" that assumes she's doing something wrong.

[Kailey's mom]

Originally Posted by LavenderMae

Being obese is not a death sentence like severe bulimia and anorexia can be. Being very underweight is more deadly.

http://www.britannica.com/blogs/2009...obesity-myths/

And not everyone who is fat is a binge eater (in fact most aren't) and being fat does not equal eating unhealthily just as being thin doesn't equal eating healthfully.
Fat does not=unhealthy
Thin does not=healthy

[griffin2004]

Originally Posted by pumpkin

I would try to talk Jane out of it and if that fails, I would warn Anne about their plans.

exactly this

[racheepoo]

I will never forget my mom breaking down sobbing, scared I was going to die because I was so overweight. She's weighed right around 100 pounds all her life so from her perspective, I was incredibly overweight. I weighed 146 pounds. It's all relative, and 10 years later when I weighed 286 I brought it up to her and she had nothing to say. It stuck in my head all those years because it was incredibly hurtful and painful, and whether Anne has an eating disorder or not it's not up to anyone to gang up on her. People don't change their eating disorders because someone confronts them. Not very often.

[newmommy7-08]

Yes, to all the above. Jane's idea is horribly hateful and cruel no matter that she thinks it's helpful. I am also incredibly overweight and if ANYONE ever pulled something like that 'for' me that would be the end of their place in my life.

How someone could even imagine that's ok is beyond me.

[bcblondie]

While I definately feel for anyone who has a thyroid disorder or any condition that could genuinely cause you to gain weight, I feel the whole "you can't fight biology" thing is a defeatest attitude. You need to work with the cards you are dealt.
I'm glad Anne is seeing a doctor about this, and hopefully her weight starts to drop. Because, whatever the cause, even if she does eat well, being nearly 400 lbs is extremely hard on a persons heart. I'm sure any doctor would be very frank with her, that it will drastically decrease her life expectancy. And I personally would do anything to be in my kid's lives as long as possible, as I'm sure she would, as well. So I pray she is able turn this thing around very soon.

[Smokering]

I'm sure any doctor will be more than frank. Probably if she goes to see a doctor for anything from an ingrown toenail to a broken leg, she'll have doctors being frank at her left, right and centre, blaming her ills on her weight and shaming her about it. The attitude towards medical professionals to heavy people is appalling.

And you know what? It probably isn't just doctors who are frank to Anne about it either. The "FAT IS BAD AND WILL KILL YOU" message is blasted across America in every conceivable medium. If she has a TV, reads the newspaper, goes to public bathrooms, looks at billboards, listens to the radio or hears the things people whisper just loudly enough in lifts, she'll know. Never mind that the scientific data doesn't support nearly as apocalyptic a viewpoint on fat as the media pretends. "Drastically" decrease her life expectancy? Based on what? BMI, which is rubbish? Studies which look only at weight to the exclusion of fitness and lifestyle factors?

In other words: unless Anne is phenomenally stupid, she already knows all the platitudes and soundbites anyone can throw at her. I don't think a doctor shaming her about ruining her kids' lives is likely to do anything other than make her upset.

[eclipse]

Yes, when you're fat, most doctors will place blame for any ills on your weight, whether it makes sense or not. I finally have a doctor who, while aknowledging that I'm obese and would probably be healthier if I lost a significant amount of weight, is willing to treat my other health issues without telling me to lose weight first. And guess what? I've lost 22 lbs in the last three months with minimal effort on my part. If doctors could get over their fat prejudices, they might be able to help obese people to be healthier overall.

[bcblondie]

Based on what? BMI, which is rubbish? Studies which look only at weight to the exclusion of fitness and lifestyle factors?


Are you actually trying to deny that fat shortens your lifespan? It's hard on every system in your body!

ETA. But obviously that's no reason for anyone to judge them. People can be so cruel. I wasn't made fun of for my weight, but I have been picked on for other things that are out of my control. I know it hurts

[Smokering]

Are you actually trying to deny that fat shortens your lifespan? It's hard on every system in your body!

"Fat" doesn't shorten your lifespan. Fat is a substance necessary to life and health. Without saturated fat, we wouldn't have 80% of our brains. What do you mean? Medically-defined obesity? There are problems with the way that category is defined. I suggest familiarising yourself with the adipositivity movement - whatever your opinion is on its politics, it presents some very interesting research which calls into question the panicky, over-hyped "obesity epidemic" mentality, as well as the methodology by which people are categorised as "obese" or "morbidly obese" (BMI).

[Kailey's mom]

Originally Posted by Smokering

"Fat" doesn't shorten your lifespan. Fat is a substance necessary to life and health. Without saturated fat, we wouldn't have 80% of our brains. What do you mean? Medically-defined obesity? There are problems with the way that category is defined. I suggest familiarising yourself with the adipositivity movement - whatever your opinion is on its politics, it presents some very interesting research which calls into question the panicky, over-hyped "obesity epidemic" mentality, as well as the methodology by which people are categorised as "obese" or "morbidly obese" (BMI).

ITA High cholesterol is deadly; and is based on what you eat, and genetics..not weight. Skinny people who eat 1500 calories of fatty foods are equally at risk as overweight people who eat 1500 calories of fatty foods KWIM. My obese grandfather, who ate a low fat diet.. died of natural causes at 86 yrs old, and was not diabetic. There are so so many stereotypes. Skinny people are at risk for "fat diseases"

[sapphire_chan]

So Jane et al, while claiming to be her friend, think Anne is too stupid to notice that she has trouble walking up the stairs and fitting into her own car?

And how, exactly, is "you're really fat!!" going to help Anne even if she didn't know? Does it get her a gym membership? Does it pay for testing to see if an underlying medical condition is the cause? Does it watch her kids and clean her house for her?

Call up Anne and tell her Jane and crew have a stupid idea in mind and that she should greet them at the door with "I know I'm fat you , now off"

[sapphire_chan]

Originally Posted by Maluhia

Anne,

I've been contacted by our mutual friend Jane regarding a "friendly intervetion" for you regarding your weight. I am not at all comfortable with the idea that it would be my place to judge what your health status dictates; in terms of current heath or future activity and I want you to know that this is coming.

I am not comfortable telling you how/when/or why to "get in shape" or "loose weight" but rather I want you to know that I enjoy your friendship and am always willing to support you in any endeavors you may choose to pursue. I think you are a strong and wonderful mother committed to her family and am glad to have you in my life. In that strain I could not allow this "surprise" to happen as I find it incredibly hurtful.

Your friend,
Sweatpea

PERFECT

[sapphire_chan]

Originally Posted by chinaKat

Thank goodness nobody else thought the "hey we're all your friends and we think you're too fat" party was a good idea!

I'm appalled. Jane is a horrible person. A real friend would never come up with something so humiliating.

Since it's off, definitely don't tell Anne it was even planned.

What I would do is tell Anne that Jane gossiped to you about Anne's weight and that you told Jane it was none of your business or hers. And then use this part of the excellent letter:

"I am not comfortable telling you how/when/or why to "get in shape" or "lose weight" but rather I want you to know that I enjoy your friendship and am always willing to support you in any endeavors you may choose to pursue. I think you are a strong and wonderful mother committed to her family and am glad to have you in my life."

[bcblondie]

Ok. Technicalities. Fat in itself doesn't shorten your lifespan. Some is good. But too much does. You heart has to work crazy hard to pump your blood through your body. Your vocal cords aren't created to support fat around your neck so when you sleep it can compress and cause sleep apnea. Meaning you'll be super tired during the day and extremely lethargic. I could go ramble on but I won't.

Fact being. Even drug addicts KNOW they are drug addicts. But they don't turn their life around until they hit rock bottom. Anne knows she's overweight. The intervention isn't to tell her what she already knows, it's to say hey! Whatever you are doing isn't working. You need to find solutions, and we need to do it NOW. Speak with a dietician (though she may have already) and be held accountable to someone for her weight loss each week/month. SOMETHING.

[E.V. Lowi]

Umm, this thread is not going to end well.

[bcblondie]

Then let's just agree to disagree.

[LavenderMae]

The obesity myths link I posted up thread and this link are a really good place to start if you are wanting to get a different perspective on being fat and the lies, myths and prejudice that come along with it.
http://kateharding.net/faq/but-dont-...-is-unhealthy/