read birthst. w/ placenta abruption/stillborn & now nervous

[homew/two]

I read this beautifully written account of a woman who had her placenta abruption and gave birth to a beautiful stillborn baby girl. I'm still debating home birth or the birth center where I had my first two. I'm perfectly content at the birth center and had no bad encounters or anything, and wonderful midwives. My main concern is short labor. I had silent labor with both kids til my water broke and then kids came in 45 min and 20 mins for 1st and 2nd. It was just luck I happened to be in for a weekly checkup both times and was 9-10 cm when checked. I know this is no guarantee for my third but does seem likely #3 will be short and unlikely to make the 20 min drive from home to birth center. That's the main reason to look at homebirth but I am nervous about an emergency, even w/ two successful births under my belt.
How do others ease their fears? And I know the first thing I should do is be careful about the birth stories I read!

[womenswisdom]

How would birthing in a birth center be any different safety-wise than a homebirth? Is it hospital-based? Are you a lot further from the hospital at home than you would be at the hospital? I'm not saying you shouldn't have a home birth, but just trying to logically work through the scenario you are worried about. I would be more worried about giving birth in a car with no skilled attendant present personally. Placental abruption that is that sudden and complete is pretty rare. More often, you would have some bleeding that would alert your midwife to the possibility that something might not be right.

When I was pregnant and planning a hb, I attended a birth as a doula I personally witnessed a scary situation (won't mention it here so as not to freak you out more). At my next appointment, I asked my midwife detailed questions about how that particular complication would be handled. I needed to know that information for my peace of mind. I'd do some more research on this issue and ask your midwife how she monitors for this issue and what you would do if it was suspected. For me, knowing that kind of info eases my fears.

[LittleBirdy]

I say this very gently and as someone who knows how you are feeling (I read the same story and how my heart aches for the family)... do you think maybe you would feel "safer" in a birth center because if by chance some tragedy would occur, no one would "blame" you, where they might if you were at home?

That's not really meant as a question you need to answer to us or to anyone but yourself. It just might help you come to the right decision for you. Best wishes.

[Hedgehog Mtn]

My fear comes from a bad outcome in a hospital during a birth I attended. I won't go into details for the same reason as the pp noted above. I cannot change the future. I CAN educate myself in what to do in as many emergency situations as I can. The fear is still there but as another pp suggested one of my true fears is really more about who would blame ME if something did go wrong and possibly CPS being called. The fact is a BC or even a hospital is no guarantee that everything will go right. Things go wrong everywhere. I know my baby and I belong at home so that is where we will be unless I feel that needs to change.

FWIW - I had 2 of my 4 in less than an hour from when I thought *maybe* something was going on. Baby #2 was delivered walking up from my basement by DH after only 3 contractions so I know where you are coming from!!!!

[Dese]

I think that due to the speed of your first two births you should prepare yourself for a homebirth simply out of a lack of time to get anywhere else. If you'd be more comfortable going to a birth centre, plan for that, but also have a plan with how to cope with a quick homebirth if that is how things turn out.

I had a similar experience this pregnancy with a client of my doula and her birth outcome, it really shook me and made me doubt my homebirth choice despite having had a great homebirth the first time around. I just needed some time to work through those feelings, and one thing that really helped was reading POSITIVE birth stories. I downloaded an amazing e-book, Journey into Motherhood which is full of really great birth stories. I'd encourage you to read it.

[MsBlack]

In any birth setting, tragedy can strike--that is the way birth (and life) is. It is so disturbing to read such birth stories as you mention (I cried over that one, too), and yet I think it is a mistake to read only happy birth stories.

Yes, we should surround ourselves with light and positivity throughout our pregnancies, and read plenty of happy, inspired birth stories. But we should not pretend that by ONLY looking at the positive, we can create a magical bubble that will protect us from any bad thing. Better, IMO, to face all the possibilities--and in doing so, to face our fears and integrate all possibilities as we prepare for birth. 'Doing all we can to prepare for a positive, healthy, empowering birth experience' means accepting that birth reality is not 100% within our control....and IMO, those who accept that, those who are able to look at the risks and possible tragedies and keep on their positive path, are those who are most fully setting themselves up for a 'good birth'. A birth where the family is prepared to be fully present and fully empowered no matter what happens that may ultimately be beyond anyone's control.

Let it pass through you, the grief and fear that are so inevitable upon reading such a story. Know that you will make the best decisions for yourself and baby in each moment.

And I agree with the PPs--given your birth history, I can't see how you will be able to choose anything but homebirth! Well, unless you were allowed to camp out at the hospital or BC during your final weeks til labor starts...

[homew/two]

"do you think maybe you would feel "safer" in a birth center because if by chance some tragedy would occur, no one would "blame" you, where they might if you were at home?"

I think other people but mostly myself, if I make the decision to homebirth and something happens then it's all on me. My dh will support birth at home but would prefer the center (mostly because of the mess and a day of complete rest guaranteed - though I told him the mws help w/ the mess and a day/night w/ a newborn is no promised rest!)

I'm leans towards home because of the speed of previous births and so older children (2 &5) can be involved and watch as they please or go play in the other room or go to gramma's down the road as they please. To pack them in the car to watch a birth gives them no option but to be there.

I don't know why that one story effected me so much. I grew up on a farm and therefore was surrounded w/ animals mating, giving birth and death which include lambs and calves having very tough births and trying to get them stimulated and breathing and it not always making it. And I'm usually a very logical person- I know the vast majority of births go well but there is no guarantee ANYWHERE. I guess I just have prego brain.

[etsdtm99]

i read the same story and stories like that freak me out, but they are the minority.. and bad things happen in the hospital too ..

my big issue with complications and being at home is the blame thing.. if you're in the hospital no one will blame you.. I am nervous about taking all of that on myself and DH.. even though in many many cases the results would be the same .. i know sometimes, rarely , the hospital can save a baby that isn't saved at home... this is something i've had to work on coming to terms with in order to have a homebirth, which i normal circumstances i feel is much safer for the baby and I .. (i've had complications in both of my hospital deliveries due to interventions)

[mamakori]

The biggest take away for me after reading that birth story (which actually happened with one of the midwives that backs up my own!) was to avoid castor oil. Any induction (even a *natural* one) can be risky!

I hope no one reads this as blaming the poor mama involved as that is so far from my intent. Who know what actually caused the abruption. But the castor oil induction stuck out to me when I read the birth story and I figured that lesson was a better take away for me than fear over the birth setting.