So, yes, as the title says...and I think that's where we're headed. I came across this forum in search of some advice for separating parents....so hopefully you all can give some advice and comfort.
Background: C/L hubby and I met almost 11 years ago. I had recently separated from my ex (a large alcoholic) and had a daughter who was about 18 mths old. So anyways..met the new guy, who is now my hubby. Fast forward to now....we have since had 2 more girls (so, the three are aged 12 yrs, 7yrs, and 4/12 mths), and life has not been easy. It hasn't been all bad times.....there have been lots of good times. What I am trying to figure out lately is can I stick out yet another round of bullshit?
He barely worked the first 5 years we were together....all the $ coming in came from me...I either worked, or was in school. If it wasn't those, then I was home on mat leave, so getting some funds that way. I'm quite certain that all he ever did was bullshit me back then. He comes from a family of alcoholics..and while he isn't one, he does still like his beer from time to time. He also has a temper, and it never takes much to set him off. Example...he was exhausted the other day, started dozing on the couch. I said "OK, just for an hour" (it was close to dinner, kids had homework, dog needed to go out). After the hour, I woke him up, and he lost it. Spent the next hour bitching and yelling about how I should let him do whatever he wants, and if he's tired I should let him sleep, and I wanted the dog so it's my problem to get him out, yadda yadda yadda...just going on. He smashed down our kettle, which is now broken.....
Anyways, the last 5 years...he has worked for the most part. Things were going well a couple years ago, my job was good, his was good....bills were actually getting paid. We were, for the most part, happy. Then he herniated a disc in his back at work. Since he was self employed, he couldn't get comp....he developed an addiction to percocet as well, but will never admit it. And of course, he would add beer to the mix. When he couldn't get percs from the doctor anymore, he sought out a dealer...and of course, if the dealer had no percs, he offered oxys. All this cost mucho moula, of course..and it's not like the dealer gave receipts for our taxes. He could be extremely nasty minded when this mix was going on, and abusive both physically and verbally (never to the kids, or I think I'd have killed him)We got through all this, but it was some very trying times. We did separate for about a week.....but (like an idiot) I went back. He'd broken his hand badly in our last fight..maybe I felt sorry for him. I don't know really. This was when the recession hit, and his work tanked (construction/renos).....I also found out I was pregnant. Oh joy.
So...here we are about a year or so later. The little one is 4 1/2 mths. The recession damn near killed us. We moved out of our house to an apt as we could no longer afford the house we were renting. He is finally working again (started just before Christmas)...and I guess I'll be going back to work in a matter of a couple months.
He's always complaining about sex. He never gets it enough. Well darlin' the last time we had sex, I got pregnant. Since I didn't want anymore kids (we were struggling financially with the 2 we had), I was extremely upset with being pregnant, and the pregnancy, while physically easy for me, was not easy for me mentally or emotionally. I've since told him that if he wants sex again, he'd best get a vasectomy, or find it elsewhere.
He also bitches at me for everything under the sun. If I cook dinner it's not what he wanted to eat. If I don't cook, then I'm a crappy wife for not cooking. He thinks I should be thankful to him for "being home every night and not out boozing at the bar like all the other guys out there". I think he truly figures that if he's working, he doesn't have to lift a finger when he gets home. He thinks he's the only one entitled to sleep in on weekends, and that he can sleep as late as he wants ("What's wrong with 2 in the afternoon?"). The physical abusiveness hasn't stopped...although it is rare. He is constantly running down to his mothers to help her out, even though his brother lives there/ At one time I truly thought he was cheating on me, as he alwasy said he was down at his mums, never answered his phone, sounded half drunk when I did speak to him, always came home late....it had me seriously wondering.
I'm sure there is more to say...I'm just so tired of dealing with it all. I feel like if I'm doing it all myself, then why have him around. It would be less headaches and stress if it was just me...at least I'd know where the $ goes and what it's spent on. I feel that I can't rely on him to help out, even with his own kids. I'm really at the point where I want to give up. He won't go to counselling.....and although I think he could be reasonable about the kids if we split...he also has a nasty vindictive side to him, so I wouldn't know which side I'd be getting to deal with.
Background: C/L hubby and I met almost 11 years ago. I had recently separated from my ex (a large alcoholic) and had a daughter who was about 18 mths old. So anyways..met the new guy, who is now my hubby. Fast forward to now....we have since had 2 more girls (so, the three are aged 12 yrs, 7yrs, and 4/12 mths), and life has not been easy. It hasn't been all bad times.....there have been lots of good times. What I am trying to figure out lately is can I stick out yet another round of bullshit?
He barely worked the first 5 years we were together....all the $ coming in came from me...I either worked, or was in school. If it wasn't those, then I was home on mat leave, so getting some funds that way. I'm quite certain that all he ever did was bullshit me back then. He comes from a family of alcoholics..and while he isn't one, he does still like his beer from time to time. He also has a temper, and it never takes much to set him off. Example...he was exhausted the other day, started dozing on the couch. I said "OK, just for an hour" (it was close to dinner, kids had homework, dog needed to go out). After the hour, I woke him up, and he lost it. Spent the next hour bitching and yelling about how I should let him do whatever he wants, and if he's tired I should let him sleep, and I wanted the dog so it's my problem to get him out, yadda yadda yadda...just going on. He smashed down our kettle, which is now broken.....
Anyways, the last 5 years...he has worked for the most part. Things were going well a couple years ago, my job was good, his was good....bills were actually getting paid. We were, for the most part, happy. Then he herniated a disc in his back at work. Since he was self employed, he couldn't get comp....he developed an addiction to percocet as well, but will never admit it. And of course, he would add beer to the mix. When he couldn't get percs from the doctor anymore, he sought out a dealer...and of course, if the dealer had no percs, he offered oxys. All this cost mucho moula, of course..and it's not like the dealer gave receipts for our taxes. He could be extremely nasty minded when this mix was going on, and abusive both physically and verbally (never to the kids, or I think I'd have killed him)We got through all this, but it was some very trying times. We did separate for about a week.....but (like an idiot) I went back. He'd broken his hand badly in our last fight..maybe I felt sorry for him. I don't know really. This was when the recession hit, and his work tanked (construction/renos).....I also found out I was pregnant. Oh joy.
So...here we are about a year or so later. The little one is 4 1/2 mths. The recession damn near killed us. We moved out of our house to an apt as we could no longer afford the house we were renting. He is finally working again (started just before Christmas)...and I guess I'll be going back to work in a matter of a couple months.
He's always complaining about sex. He never gets it enough. Well darlin' the last time we had sex, I got pregnant. Since I didn't want anymore kids (we were struggling financially with the 2 we had), I was extremely upset with being pregnant, and the pregnancy, while physically easy for me, was not easy for me mentally or emotionally. I've since told him that if he wants sex again, he'd best get a vasectomy, or find it elsewhere.
He also bitches at me for everything under the sun. If I cook dinner it's not what he wanted to eat. If I don't cook, then I'm a crappy wife for not cooking. He thinks I should be thankful to him for "being home every night and not out boozing at the bar like all the other guys out there". I think he truly figures that if he's working, he doesn't have to lift a finger when he gets home. He thinks he's the only one entitled to sleep in on weekends, and that he can sleep as late as he wants ("What's wrong with 2 in the afternoon?"). The physical abusiveness hasn't stopped...although it is rare. He is constantly running down to his mothers to help her out, even though his brother lives there/ At one time I truly thought he was cheating on me, as he alwasy said he was down at his mums, never answered his phone, sounded half drunk when I did speak to him, always came home late....it had me seriously wondering.
I'm sure there is more to say...I'm just so tired of dealing with it all. I feel like if I'm doing it all myself, then why have him around. It would be less headaches and stress if it was just me...at least I'd know where the $ goes and what it's spent on. I feel that I can't rely on him to help out, even with his own kids. I'm really at the point where I want to give up. He won't go to counselling.....and although I think he could be reasonable about the kids if we split...he also has a nasty vindictive side to him, so I wouldn't know which side I'd be getting to deal with.
