Nighttime Help

[Granola Momma]

Hey there, fellow compassionate parents. My husband and I need help. Our precious, fiery, intense and passionate six-month-old son (our first child), is waking up about every 30-40 minutes between the hours of 7pm and 11pm (or whenever we finally come to bed). He seems only able to sleep when someone is right next to him or holding him (i.e., in his Sleepy Wrap, napping beside me, or sleeping beside me at night).

We do the following every night:

- nurse him to sleep while he's swaddled
-play super-duper white noise
-moderate temperature
-dress him in a cotton-only light-weight sleeper
-lay him in our bed and, if he wakes up, nurse him a little more till he falls into deep sleep

For a short time about three months ago, this worked regularly and he would sleep for 4-6 hours straight. For the past three months, however, he has been waking every 30 minutes or so between the time we lay him down (7pm-ish) and when we finally come to bed (11pm-ish).

Some possible explanations:

-he is teething* and has been for three months (he has his two bottom teeth and the two top teeth are about to come through)
*we give him Hyland's teething tabs each night before bed, to help him sleep and take off the edge of the pain (this isn't working)
-growth spurt?
-hunger/thirst**
**I offer him the breast every time he cries, just in case he needs to cluster feed or is thirsty

My husband thinks that he simply doesn't want to sleep unless he's being held because he is an "in-arms" baby throughout the day. So when he wakes up at night and realizes he's not being held, he cries and only goes back to sleep when we rock him back to sleep.

And let me make it clear, we have never once let him cry it out. And we never will. We respond within seconds to his cries at night and believe that nighttime parenting is just as important as daytime parenting. So we are committed to loving our son through this phase. But we also need insight and balance and wholeness if we're going to be the best parents we can be to him.

That said, does anyone have a suggestion, a similar story, even just an encouraging word? We're worn ragged and need even just a sliver of uninterrupted time to just be husband and wife. I'm sure I've left tons of details out, but your insight is very welcomed as well as any clarifying questions you might have.

Thanks so much...

[AustinMom]

I can totally understand the frustration the two of you are going through. Our baby is 17 months old, and he sleeps through the night about 50% of the time. Let me make this clear to you though, it's not that bad getting up with him now like it was at 6 months. We delt with A LOT of infant allergies as we couldn't breastfeed, and some other illnesses that caused to be constantly uncomfortable (ear infections, eyrothema multimormy rash, etc) and he has teethed since 4 mo, at 4 mo, he had 4 teeth. Any who, he would usually go to bed around 11pm or midnight, get up at 7 and wake up every 30 min or so EVERY NIGHT. Yeah, exhausting. Even after all the sickness stuff was over around 12 months or so, he was still doing this. Turns out, his brain was wired out of habit to not produce meletonin at night time, which was causing him to basically "nap" at night instead of sleep. We gave him 1/4 the adult dosage of melatonin (as per our pediatrician, a pediatric neurologist, and a pediatric nutritionist) at 8:00 every night for about a week or so, so he could get in a better sleep cycle. Once his body picked up it what it needed to do, we lowered to dosage to "ween" him off. He now is not on it, goes to bed at 8:00, gets up once or maybe twice, and up at around 7:00-8:00 in morning.

We were never able to breastfeed, so at least you have that perk going for you. Are you able to co-sleep and BF in middle of night? If so, do you think you will get used to it and not have to fully wake up to feed? I hear that is what happens for a lot of moms, I was always jealous, it's not like I can avoid waking up with baby, getting out of bed, going to fridge, making bottle, feeding baby who is now almost in a full fledge cry, and then feeding, then laying back down.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LGQ_JR0Knx4 The no cry sleep solution is what some people use. It didn't work with us. We didn't do the "cry it out" either, but we did do the, when he wakes up, go in, calm him down without picking him up, laying him back down, and leave. This got him to understand that yes, we do come when he cries, and we are there, but it's bed time, and he is not going to get out and play. If we were to pick him up, it would be harder because then he would want to go out to living room, play with toys etc. If you do pick him up, maybe try not to move far from the crib? So he knows it bed time. This is of course if you are not co-sleeping. Maybe sing or hum him a song when he is falling asleep, and when he wakes up start the song again so he can correlate the two together, that the noise means bed time.

I hope this helps. My son was very much so sleep deprived and we had to do something. Yes there was some cry, but not the, I'm going to ignore him for 10-15 min thing.

I think we are used to it now, we usually just go in, softly tell him, hey baby, it's bed time, do you want to lay down? And he usually does, otherwise, we lay him down.

He never co-slept well, every. Even after birth, he would sleep maybe 20 min and wake up, but in his bed, it would be more like 2-3 hr +, before it got really bad.

[rzberrymom]

Have you tried swaddling him? Makes them feel like they're being held.

These are incredible!

[Maluhia]

it sounds like he could be cold (in that he sleeps better when you are in bed), could be cluster feeding but most likely it's a combination of growth spurt and teething that happens at that age.

When you offer the breast is he drinking deeply or just nursing to assuage teeth pain? If you do regular medications would you try tylenol one night before bed and see if this lessens waking and therefore points the waking towards tooth or ear pain?

[lessmith23]

Originally Posted by Granola Momma

We're worn ragged and need even just a sliver of uninterrupted time to just be husband and wife.

I can completely sympathize with this statement. DD went through something similar about 1 month ago. and I remember feeling desperate for some time for DH and myself. Nothing changed in our nighttime routine but suddenly it become VERY difficult to put her to bed.

DH and I couldn't enjoy any adult time together because we'd spend the entire time taking turns running upstairs trying to re-settle DD because she was waking every 30-45 minutes.

Unfortunately I have no advice. We just kind of toughed it out and while it lasted for close to 1 month, it did pass. DD is still waking frequently (every 2 hours) but getting her to sleep is once again no problem and she goes back to sleep easily after each time she nurses.

Even just a few hours together has made a huge difference for DH and I.

[penstamon]

DS went through a phase like this where he would wake frequently before we join him in bed. Although he still wakes so frequently all night long, it almost seems like the first part of the night is his best now. We didn't do anything special- except everything so who knows what how or why. I think it was just making sure he/the bed was warm enough, white noise, being quick to respond to cries so he knew we were there, and good ol' time. I think the last is the key although it is the worst advice to hear and the hardest to wait out.

[Granola Momma]

Thank you all so much for the insight and encouragement. Last night, Jude woke up 4 times between 7 and 9pm and, the last time I went it, he wouldn't resettle with a feeding. He seemed frustrated about being in the swaddle (which we have used for him since birth). So, I took him out of it. And he slept for over two hours solid. I did also get the room a couple degrees warmer than usual - around 70 degrees. Maybe the room and/or bed has been too cool for him.

We have also used Tylenol or Motrin on occasion for the teething pain - when it seems like the pain is really unbearable for him. I hate putting medication into his system on an almost daily basis, but sometimes it's absolutely necessary. And, yes, it does seem that he'll sleep for a little longer stretch when we give the pain reliever...but he does still wake up somewhat frequently on those nights as well.

Not sure if the no-swaddle thing is the key, or if we need to do a better job alleviating teething pain, or if the warmer room has something to do with it, but we'll just keep trying stuff. Your suggestions are fantastic and it just helps so much to know we're not alone and that time will also make a huge difference. We also just keep reminding ourselves that we're sowing love and security into his little character and his heart by responding to his cries - even if our responses aren't perfect.

Thanks again.

[sarahtdubb]

Granola Momma, it's possible this is just a time you have to wait out. My son slept like this--ie.needing me right next to him--for many many months. After feeling trapped and frustrated for a while, I eventually just went with it and found ways to make it fun. I settled in with him to read, or I brought in my laptop and quietly watched a movie or a tv show while he slept. Would I have rather been doing other stuff? Sure. But it didn't last forever, and eventually something clicked and he could sleep on is own for a number of hours. And I don't regret any minutes spent cuddled up next to him! it won't last forever!

[Granola Momma]

Thanks, sarahtdubb! So many things I've read have said something to the effect of your comment, but the way you put it really encouraged me. This is such a sweet season and, while it's the hardest thing I've ever done, loving and caring for my son has been the most rewarding and precious gift I've ever known.

Thanks for the reminder about how priceless this time is...long days, short years...a wise woman told me that.

Peace....