I do not want to do time outs as punishments. Now we do it as an invitation to take a break or we let them sit down with us. Reading UP, dh and I know not to take it serious when our children say, "I don't like you" because we've had to do something they didn't want to do. We often give them as many decisions unless it's something that just needs to be done, then later we give them an extra allowance on something else in their control, just as Kohn suggested. This works out well for all of us.
That being said, wwyd when you have to explain a limit you've placed to your child and they say something very harsh? Today, for example, I am taking my Algebra final. It's due today and it's 66 questions of pure agony. Dh is helping me, because he's a math genius. We have given the children everything they need to keep themselves busy, and explained to them that we are in the middle of trying to finish the quiz so that we can have time for them. Dd is fine and keeping herself relatively occupied, with only a few questions that dh or I can answer without losing concentration. But ds, who I know is 4 so it's a bit harder, isn't wanting to listen. When he tried to use one of his toys to smash my laptop, I removed it from him and told him that hitting the laptop could break it and that would make me very sad and upset. He looked at me and said, "mommy, I'm going to kill you. You need to die." He then raised his hand as though to hit me and continued to say he was going to kill me.
Dh, stood up and took him into his room, telling him his words are hurtful and mean. Not what family says to family ever and that until he can figure out other ways to express his frustration, he needs to stay in his room.
Do you ladies think this was a good approach? He's in the room crying now, after dh brought him back out and he said it again, thus was placed back in the room.
Any suggestions for this kind of situation?
That being said, wwyd when you have to explain a limit you've placed to your child and they say something very harsh? Today, for example, I am taking my Algebra final. It's due today and it's 66 questions of pure agony. Dh is helping me, because he's a math genius. We have given the children everything they need to keep themselves busy, and explained to them that we are in the middle of trying to finish the quiz so that we can have time for them. Dd is fine and keeping herself relatively occupied, with only a few questions that dh or I can answer without losing concentration. But ds, who I know is 4 so it's a bit harder, isn't wanting to listen. When he tried to use one of his toys to smash my laptop, I removed it from him and told him that hitting the laptop could break it and that would make me very sad and upset. He looked at me and said, "mommy, I'm going to kill you. You need to die." He then raised his hand as though to hit me and continued to say he was going to kill me.
Dh, stood up and took him into his room, telling him his words are hurtful and mean. Not what family says to family ever and that until he can figure out other ways to express his frustration, he needs to stay in his room.
Do you ladies think this was a good approach? He's in the room crying now, after dh brought him back out and he said it again, thus was placed back in the room.
Any suggestions for this kind of situation?
it sounds so, so stressful for you. Sometimes there are things like that that you just have to get through and then come back together to reconnect as a family.
