Nummies are the new lovey

[Latte Mama]

My DS has a new habit. Every. single. time. we sit down together or he is within touching distance of me, his hand has to be down my shirt. He just puts it down there and lets it hang. But it gets bothersome at times. I hate wearing bras at home and his hands are scratchy. I trim and file his nails and they still make my skin scratchy.

If he doesn't move his hand at all I can deal with it but most of the time he does move it. I feel bad taking his comfort away so I'll suck it up but I think it's weird that he just started this.

Anyone else have a toddler with this habit and how long did it last?

[twinergy]

DS started doing this when he was 9 months old. He still does it at 27 months. Somewhere around 13 months he discovered twiddling and pinching my nipples, which is super annoying. If anything he has become more determined to do it as he gets older. I'm curious to see if anyone has a remedy to this habit.

[Latte Mama]

It's strange because he's not really twiddling. He does that when he's nursing. He just kind of hangs in arm down there and moves it around a bit. It's like he just has to have his hand near the boob!

[calebsmommy25]

My ds does this too, but mostly when he wants to nurse. He just stickes his hand down in between my boobs and asks for 'mine', which means milk. Where he came up with that, no idea. He declares them as his? Haha. He started doing this around a year old. No remedy (that I know of yet). I usually don't mind, but it is a bit annoying when we are in public and he does it.

[SnglAPmama]

I don't have experience with this exact situation, but my daughter (who will be 3 tomorrow) is still an avid nurser. This is wonderful, however sometimes she has been nursing for quite a long time and I will begin feel uncomfortable (sensitive nipples). One trick that works sometimes and might help you is I tell her "I am going to count to 5 and then we will be all done nursing for now" after each count, I give her a kiss on the head and when she's done nursing we do a fingerplay (which might be helpful to you, it would keep your son's hands busy!) or I find an activity to engage her. Maybe you can do this when your son puts his hand down your shirt? Another thing I've done when my daughter wants to touch (and twiddle) is tell her that "boo-boo's" are part of my body and I share them with her and I don't want her to touch them right now. I also respect when I am tickling her and she asks me to stop, and mention that sometimes if she is reluctant to stop nursing/twiddling. It definitely takes repetition and sometimes I just say "I need to use the bathroom" and get up and leave the room and by the time I come back she has usually moved on to something else. It took me some time to realize that I do not have to indulge her every harmless whim, and that's ok! I think it helps teach our children respect for others and for themselves when we are honest about things that make us uncomfortable. Good luck! It's quite a learning experience, isn't it?

Ruth- Mommy to Maya 01/12/07

[rozziemama]

Ha ha I was JUST having a conversation with two momma friends who are having the same issue as you. They have 23 and 22 month olds. Both are weaned 100%.
Neither likes this, but they were struggling with how to handle because they didn't want their l.o's to be upset.
One suggestion was to move his hand up onto your collar bone or some area and say "mommy likes it when you put your hand here, not here" or something kind and gentle like that.
But I don't know.
My 14 mo is starting to do something like it. He is rubbing my upper chest if I'm carrying him. We're weaning a little bit -- he actually has only nursed at bedtime and first thing in the AM for about a week now -- and I wonder if the touching behavior somehow relates?

[Ruthla]

You don't have to allow this behavior if you don't like it. The breastfeeding relationship is about TWO people, and your needs are just as important as the baby's.

Kids who start these kinds of habits sometimes keep them up for years. I know of at least one toddler who kept doing something like you described even after weaning (I reasured the mom that my DS was still nursing at that age, and it seemed developmentally normal to me.) If this is something that bugs you, I suggest you break the habit NOW, before it becomes too ingrained. Maybe you can get him to touch your arms instead of your breasts?

[readytobedone]

Originally Posted by rozziemama

One suggestion was to move his hand up onto your collar bone or some area and say "mommy likes it when you put your hand here, not here" or something kind and gentle like that.

this is pretty much exactly how i handle it with DD. she loves to put her hand down into one bra cup and kind of fondle me, then switch to the other. i started putting her hand between my breasts (like right above the cleavage) and saying, "mama doesn't want your hands in my bra, btu you can touch me right here." now she'll put her hand there and say, "right here, mama?"

[Smokering]

DD (22 months) doesn't do that, but recently she's decided the milks are her bestest friends. She likes to open both cups of my nursing bra so they're both on display and beam at them proudly, getting cross if I cover them up. She says "Hi milks!", sometimes as a passing aside and sometimes repeatedly as a one-sided conversation (as if she expects them to start talking back to her!). And sometimes when we're doing "Kiss Mummy's elbow, kiss Mummy's cheek, kiss Mummy's nose" she'll say "kees milks?" and insist on giving them a kiss too. It's all really cute, but kind of crazy... and I'm hoping she won't start doing it in public. I'm all for lactivism and NIP, but I couldn't blame people for finding my toddler's insistence on "keesing the milks" a leetle odd.

[twinergy]

[QUOTE=rozziemama;14931557]
One suggestion was to move his hand up onto your collar bone or some area and say "mommy likes it when you put your hand here, not here" or something kind and gentle like that. QUOTE]


Thank you for this suggestion. I don't know why I didn't think of it sooner. Hopefully, at 27 months, DS's habit isn't too ingrainded to break.

[twinergy]

Originally Posted by Smokering

DD (22 months) doesn't do that, but recently she's decided the milks are her bestest friends. She likes to open both cups of my nursing bra so they're both on display and beam at them proudly, getting cross if I cover them up. She says "Hi milks!", sometimes as a passing aside and sometimes repeatedly as a one-sided conversation (as if she expects them to start talking back to her!). And sometimes when we're doing "Kiss Mummy's elbow, kiss Mummy's cheek, kiss Mummy's nose" she'll say "kees milks?" and insist on giving them a kiss too. It's all really cute, but kind of crazy... and I'm hoping she won't start doing it in public. I'm all for lactivism and NIP, but I couldn't blame people for finding my toddler's insistence on "keesing the milks" a leetle odd.

Mine call it "milks" too. I just started calling it milk and they changed it to milks on their own. Now they are sometimes calling it milksie milks. I don't know where they come up with these things. They like to share milksie milks with their toys, it started with stuffed animals and dolls but now includes the telephone, toy trains, and blocks. They also say "hi milks" and also say "thank you milks" when they are finished nursing.

[Jenine]

Originally Posted by Ruthla

If this is something that bugs you, I suggest you break the habit NOW, before it becomes too ingrained. Maybe you can get him to touch your arms instead of your breasts?

I agree with the above completely! DS will be 3 next week and NEEDS to have his hands on by breasts while falling asleep. He has been weaned for about 9 months and I was hesitant to discourage it because I wanted him to have the comfort of at least touching me while falling asleep. It was slightly bothersome to me at the time but now it drives me crazy! Like you said Latte Mama, if he didn't move his hand around constantly I wouldn't mind, but he is always repositioning.

We've spent the last two months trying to get him to stop (he now does it to DH also) and he's getting better but he's still too young to totally control the urge. I tell him that he can put his hand on my chest but not into my bra or moving around a lot.

[daniturtle]

Note: I posted this in response to a new thread about similar topic. And I thought I would re-post it here. Slightly different, but still relevant.

My daughter had a phase where she adored putting things down my shirt- toys, the remote control, books, whatever was at hand and sometimes just here hand. I thought it was hilarious and just let her do it. She did it once with her Tía Jenny (my best friend, Thalia's honorary aunt). But until I just read this, I hadn't noticed that she'd stopped when she was 14 months old. I'd say she did this for about a month or two, I think the novelty wore off. I don't think she ever did this in public - usually too much other interesting stuff going on.

Nowadays she does like to try to lift my shirt to get to my breasts but I remove her hands and direct her to sign for "milks." Often she's just trying to get to my belly-button to poke at it. This I allow. But she does do this annoying-to-me thing where in the morning she will grab at my pj tanktop's straps (it's a nursing tanktop, so she knows that is where I go to take out the breasts!). She's quite rough about it and I don't like it so I redirect her to sign for "milks" and verbalize it as well (she's not talking yet).

So - I guess the short story is that if she's playing, I let her do it. If she wants to nurse, I redirect her to sign and I verbalize what she wants. But I don't think that my breasts are really a lovey for her in the traditional sense. I mean, aside from the fact that nursing soothes her...she doesn't/I don't let her use my actual breasts to play with.

I think it's whatever you are comfortable with.