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Originally Posted by BaaBaa  if you had a 17mo whos play was going around the house knocking things over, dumping things out, throwing things down, tearing things up
would you try and direct gently that towards something else
or
just let her do it as much as she wanted, its a her age and a phase
or
let it go but at (insert age here) start trying to direct her?
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I have taken different receptacles and filled them with arbitrary objects that I changed frequently and placed them around the home. I put them on the floor if they were tall like a waste basket height, and on bookshelves at dc's eye level, emptied out cupboards of things I cared about and instead filled them with kitchen objects that couldn't be broken, etc... I essentially gave my dc what they were looking for and baited them away from what I didn't want disturbed.
It didn't always work, of course, but it really cut down on the mess. I also ended up moving nearly everything non-child-friendly up several feet from the floor, as a new way of life, but I have had babies non-stop for 6 yrs, so this was a matter of preserving what little ideas of sanity I might like to occasionally pretend to have.
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Also
do you think that high pitched screaming when she wants something, doesnt want something, or feels like you are not paying attention to her should be ignored? responded to? ask her to stop? |
Well, I think that's up to you. If you can tolerate and don't mind it, and think that she will be welcome when you visit friends when this is her chosen form of communication, then why bother about it? I have friends like this, who have never done anything to even inform their dc that shrieking isn't generally well understood or appreciated, but then again, some people don't care, so...
Personally, I would probably end up in a sanitorium if I didn't at least take the time to help my dc understand that screaming is mostly ineffective unless the situation is dire. I do start that when they're new though, super gently informing them that they are okay, taken care of and they they don't need to scream- never in a repudiating way, just in a tone of informing them like I do wuith anything else. In spite of that, I have two dc whose first inclination is to shriek, but thankfully, the bar is usually set pretty high, so it's not happening all the time. I do ask them to lower their voices and speak clearly once they are verbal.
I wouldn't ignore my dc. I think it's disrespectful. I will inform them that I am not available and then not be, but to just ignore is rude, imo, and really, it's sort of a silent shriek, so no benefit there for anyone.
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| what about other stuff you dont like- hitting, bashing the computer, etc? I almost never say "NO", i try and change the situation, but that isnt always possible, and she doesnt seem to understand NO yet. |
I think it's funny, as in humourous, that 'no' is really their word at that age. It belongs to the littles.
I have oftentimes just had to stop everything and pick up my dc, walk them to another room- usually the kitchen- and keep them in arms until either they showed an interest in something other than bashing the computer (for instance) or I could come up with something I knew would interest them more. If that didn't work, they stayed in my arms and everything else had to wait. Actually, I do that still someyimes with my 4 yr old, and still frequently with my 26 mo. old. If I could lift any of the others, I'd probably still do it for them too- including dh.
My dc have not been the most redirectable little people. None of them forget and they cannot be distracted. The only one that didn't flat-out reject that was ds3 who didn't forget, but was so easy-going that he would oblige our little attempts to interest him away from his pursuit, only to once he was done with that, calmly go back to what he was previously doing! It didn't matter how long he was otherwise engaged; I think he kept a mental to-do list and accommodated our interruptions. The others just refused.
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| Im just not sure what the "right" thing to do is[...] |
Sorry, I just had to cut you off there because everyday that is running through my mind on spin cycle. I'm hoping someday it will at least slow down if it turns out that I never really figure it out. I honestly feel like I'm feeling my way through a labrynth with a blindfold on. I wish I could see all the possible outcomes and then pick the ones that best suit and work backward from there, but alas...
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at this age. She not a tiny baby but she not a kid yet really..... |
But I do completely get this too. So hard. I guess I have erred on the side of "will it kill or seriously injure anyone?" If not, and no other severe consequences can be predicted, then I'm pretty much a 'yes woman' at that age and in general. WITH guidance, not 'yes' and cut them loose, of course, just 'yes and let's see what happens- together."
I read in a book that 18 months is the peak of this particular type of stressful behavior and that it'll build up and then start getting better and by 21 months it's all good. (And then a new thing will start up and have a peak at 2.5 years and around and around through age 6 or so. For some kids they cycle through easy at the half years and stressful near their birthdays)
