Is he too attached???? is it something else?

[chrstene]

Hi !
I don't even know if this is how I should post the question...but I don't know where to start with this all.
Some brief hx:
I have a 3 y/o DD, who was a very "attached" baby (bw, bf, cosleep, etc)...she never went to daycare, school, etc. But she is quite independent and confident (although shy).

I also have a 14 m/o DS. I am a SAHM and we are all together ALL the time. He loves to play with his sister and father....but is really just a wreck if I am not there. Most of the time hanging on my leg, pulling on my skirt, asking to be held. Even if I leave one room to go to the next, there are times when this throws him into a panic and he starts crying loudly. Most times, he doesn't even want daddy..only me. It is really starting to wear on me and my body!

I decided we were going to join the Y and the kids could play in the kidzone . I took a trial membership because I am so worried about how he will react. I did 2 days so far, only half hour or so each time - just to try to get him used to it. THe minute I started to walk away he starts carrying on and crying. He goes back and forth between crying, whimpering, etc the entire time. They ended up holding him until I came to get him.

He just seems so much more cranky and whiny than my little girl. He has EIGHT teeth already and is working on FOUR MORE up top...so I know that he is uncomfortable. But is there anything else I should be worried about??? I am always stressed, even to leave him with dad for an hour if I have something to do. If I have dr appt and have to ask a grandparent, I am really praying that they will get through the hour or so without him really breaking down. It's exhausting!

This is probably more of a "vent" than actually thinking that someone can give me some perfect advice....but I'll take anything at this point.

If you've read this far, thanks !

[ASusan]

It's the age.

My LO is the most social, outgoing guy ever. Smiles at everyone. Has been in daycare since 11 mos.

When he was 14-18 months, he was very clingy, especially when I was around. I couldn't go to the bathroom alone. Come to think of it, I *still* don't often go to the bathroom alone!

On the other hand, children totally read and react to YOUR emotions and expectations. So, if you are struggling with leaving him, even with DH or a grandparent, he likely senses that, and it *could* contribute to his clingyness.

DS, who loves his daycare and never puts up a fuss, was clingy this morning. DH and I dropped him off together, and at an earlier time - so both of these things were probably contributing. After back-and-forth hugs with the both of us, he was crying in the provider's arms when we walked out the door to the gym. But, by the time we were at the door to the center (less than 15 seconds later), he was no longer crying and ready to get down. The gym has a wall of windows, so we could clearly see him as we walked by. He was, in part, crying to keep us there and extend the good-bye. Once he realized we were confidently, cheerfully, and matter-of-factly leaving, he let go of the upsetness and was ready to settle in to playing.

[odinsmama]

I have a 4yr old who was very attached to me and we never left him with anyone else until he was able to tell us he was okay with it. He would also only want me and would cry with his dad while I was in the shower, FUN! He's been out of that phase for quite a while now but now his brother, 16 months, is doing a similar thing. He really only clings to me if he sees I'm trying to do something else, or if he's tired. But he follows me to the bathroom every single time and cries when I'm in the shower sometimes. But if I'm visible, and not on the opposite side of a safety gate or something, he's really independent, climbing on everything, playing with his brother etc.
Anyway, dh is able to distract him with certain things and he's ALWAYS happy if he's outside.
I know it's really hard but I agree that it's the age and probably the teeth contributing. It definitely won't last forever and maybe when you do have to leave him with dh, try to think of something for them to do so he may be less likely to be upset.
hang in there!

[ASusan]

Oh, yeah. Crying while I'm showering. Forgot about that. Occurred from 14-26 months, at least!

[chrstene]

thank you

I am so glad that it isn't just my DS. YES, I can't even take a shower . He cries most of the time I am in there.
I guess I "get" the whole separation thing. But I"m also a bit concerned because he just cries in general a lot more than his sister did....hangs on my leg so often during the day if I don't pick him up or wear him, etc. As I said, he is getting some big teeth all at once. I have given him Motrin. Is it possible to teethe this bad????