I don't like family mealtime-help? - Page 3

[Hoopin' Mama]

Originally Posted by ameliabedelia

I'm curious about those of you who "feed the kids earlier". WHAT do you feed them. A regular whole meal, or just "simple fare" like sandwiches? I can't wrap my head around the idea of cooking 2 separate meals, so if I were to feed the kids earlier, then I would either just serve them simple stuff like sandwiches (and then they woudln't get all the variety that we normally get in our meals which are a bit more "complicated") or I would make our regular meal and then just re-heat it for dh and myself.

No matter how many snacks I put in that child's body, ds seems to absolutely require a full meal no later than 5:45pm. I serve healthy but very easy meals. Pasta with a veggie and a protein, a cheese quesadilla with avocados and sour cream, homemade pizza, a bean burrito. You get the idea.

Sometimes I eat the same things as ds, sometimes not. I usually cook a few things at the beginning of the week to pick on. A big pot of spanish rice, a chicken, or chili.

I really follow the idea that we eat when our body tells us. If we get home at 3:45 and I'm really hungry (often the case, my day starts early), then I see no reason to make myself have a small snack and hold off on dinner. I just have dinner at 4pm. Why not?

Dinner is really quite simple here, although having only one child keeps it that way.

[Hokulele]

I could have written your post! All of the post... the throwing the food on the floor, the getting up from the table 100,000,000 times to get more milk etc etc etc. We have a 4.5 year old and a 1.5 year old, so we are in the same boat. And yes, DH gets home later many nights so dinner is pushing up against bedtime.

I am determined to keep us eating together. I worry that if I start feeding the kids at a different time we will get into that pattern and never break out of it. Of course it doesn't always work out but we definitely eat together more often than not. I really like that so many people here are saying they don't bother with family meals. I mean, as long as you family bond in one way or another why does it have to be at mealtime?

I do want to tell you what has helped us eat together: Find something ELSE to focus on, aside from eating.

We play games like I Spy - the baby is getting good at I Spy even! Or we'll play a made up game (this week we've been playing the alphabet game -DD says a word beginning with "A", DH gets "B", I get "C" and so on- last week we would ask each other "what is your favorite...."). We try to include the baby as much as we can. Our games are often not wildly interesting, but DD1 is excited about them so it keeps her in her chair and eating for longer. (She is extremely disinterested in eating!) It means our conversation doesn't boil down to just me saying "please eat your dinner."

We also received a bunch of kids music CDs for Xmas so we've been playing them while we eat and singing along.

The interrupting is something we are constantly working on. Mealtime is a chance for DH and me to catch up and I think it is important for our DDs to hear us have a conversation and learn to participate, not just interrupt.

DD1 is so squirmy in her seat she often falls right off it. She is ALWAYS finding a reason to leave the table. We started a thing where now we each have to put our hand in the air and ask everyone at the table if we may be excused and our reason why - sounds weird, but we do it all very silly and exaggerated so it is more of a game. BUT it DOES get DD to stay put longer!

[TXmom2]

My kids are 14, 8 & 6 months. DH doesn't get home most nights until 7 (or later) and bedtime for the 8 yr old is 8pm.
I usually give the kids a snack after school and then start dinner (enough for all of us) around 5pm. I sit down with the kids & they eat @ 6, then they get some free time or bath/shower if it's time.
DH & I eat (reheated meal) around 7:30, while the kids sit at the table with us & do homework/read. If DH is later, I sometimes go ahead & eat, sometimes wait...depending on how late (he's not home til 9 or 10 some nights)
The baby is a night owl (down for the night around midnight) so after the older 2 are in bed we get at least an hour or 2 to hang out together.

We just do what works at the time and based on DH's schedule. The 8 yr old gets way too moody if we make her wait, plus I don't think she should eat & go right to bed, so I at least get the kids fed by 6:30pm.

[Marylizah]

Well, I'm in the "family dinner is really important" camp. DH doesn't get home until 7:30 or 8 most nights, sometimes later. So DS has a snack at 4, and when I start fixing dinner (around 6 most nights) he gets a plate of fruit and veggies to graze from. While dinner is cooking I give him his bath, get him in pj's, etc.

As soon as DH comes home we sit down to eat. Yeah, there's a fair amount of getting up for more milk and cutting food and things like that, but there's also a lot of talking. DS now asks DH questions like "How was your day? Did you see your friends? What did you have for lunch?" which I think is adorable.

As soon as dinner is over, we wash DS' hands, brush his teeth and do bedtime routine.

All that said, if DH is home later than 8, DS and I eat without him so that DS can get to bed at a decent hour.

I don't think it's fun, per se, but I do think it's nice to have some quality time where we focus on each other. If, for you, the quality family time comes in some other form, then more power to you. On a daily basis, though, we only see DH about 45 mins in the morning and about 1hr at night. So we try to spend that time all together.

[madskye]

I do an earlier snack for DD, 4.5, around 5 most days and then she still sits down and "re-eats" our dinner at 7-7:30

For her 5:00 meal it's usually crackers and cheese, chicken soup, rolled up cold cuts and cheese, a yogurt, or carrots and dip.

When we do all sit together I have all the food on the table. DH is in charge of getting drinks for everyone before we sit down. I usually give DD water at dinner time, she's not crazy about and has never asked for a second glass. When she was a baby and threw food on the floor we an 80 lb Golden Retriever, so that was never a problem!

DH is veg and most of our dinners are foods that aren't traditionally kids foods--DD seems to like most everything. Hard to know why but I do think feeding her before takes some of the pressure off of all of us. I don't worry if she doesn't feel like eating because I know she had something at 5.

I also keep most of our food in separate components--ie, if I make a curry I have rice in one bowl, curry in another. So that she can just have plain rice if the curry doesn't work for her. Same with pasta, etc.

As far as YUCK comments--I would just file that under manners. It's rude and not acceptable. DD doesn't have to eat anything she doesn't want to, but that's not an acceptable comment, and I would just give her some alternative words to use when she finds she doesn't like dinner.

[mistymama]

We eat together as a family if dh happens to get home early enough. Otherwise, it throws off ds's routine and isn't beneficial to anyone.

Often dh does not get home until closer to 7pm, which is about the time we start ds's bath and getting him ready for bed. It makes no sense to make him wait to eat until then, and push back the whole bedtime routine. He needs to be in bed by 8pm in order to get enough sleep.

Also, ds has Aspergers and sensory issues. Dh and I like spicy, flavorful foods. Ds likes things very bland/plain. So I often cook a seperate meal for ds, or make a toned down version of what dh and I are eating. It's pretty easy for me to prepare ds's meal, sit and chat with him while he eats .. then he can sit in the kitchen and do homework while I prepare dinner for dh and I. Usually by that time dh is home, takes over with ds and dh and I will sit down to dinner together while ds is in the bath.

I hope eventually to be able to all eat dinner together on a regular basis, but I don't sweat it for now. We have to do what works for us, and this is it. In a few years maybe dh's schedule will be different. I do enjoy the times we eat together as a family. But we also eat together all weekend and I still feel like both dh and I connect with ds on a daily basis - just not over dinner together.

In your shoes, I would do what works for your family .. stressful forced dinner together is not helping anyone.

[loraxc]

I hate family dinner too! My kids are 6 and 2.

You could do what we have done: have family dinner once a week, and make it special. I figure that's enough training for when they're older. I do anticipate family dinners when they are both school-aged.

I really enjoying having an adult dinner with my DH after the kids are in bed. I get to enjoy my food without bickering over manners and jumping up for seconds. It's sort of a guilty pleasure, but OTOH, couples need time to connect.

We usually eat breakfasts together on the weekends.

[sugarrush]

I think it gets much better especially when both kids are in elementary school..

[*bejeweled*]

This is exactly how I feel. Don't sweat it.

Originally Posted by karemore

I believe all that stuff about family meals pertains to older children. Older kids are usually away in school all day, busy with friends and activities and spend little time with parents.

Your children are with you all day. There's not a reason in the world why you shouldn't feed them when they are hungry and enjoy some quiet time with your partner when the kids are in bed!

Weekends you can have family meals if you feel it's important. Breakfast?

I think with little ones it's so much more important to keep the stress levels down in the home.

I don't believe in keeping kids tied to the table either until they are old enough to be content.

Meal time should not be a power struggle. And it shouldn't be stressful.