Expectations for 3 y-o at gym class?

[Asparagus78]

I just came back from DS1's first gymnastics "class". I thought I'd be a fun activity, now I think I was horribly wrong. The two instructors started off by making it clear that the kids were expected to meet the goals set out for them, or they wouldn't be able to move up to level 2. Then after "class", they told us (all the parents) that a few of the children's behaviors were problematic, and that they would be given another chance next week, but if they still didn't listen, they'd have to withdraw. Keep in mind these are 3 -y-o and 4-y-o. I think my jaw dropped!!!! I know DS1 was one of those children because he had a hard time waiting his turn, and at one point just lost interest and wandered off. The instructor seemed very displeased when he did that (I was peeking through the gym window). Are most 3-y-o able to follow ALL directives in a group setting, or better yet, should they be expected too? I didn't notice any other parent shocked by what the instructors said, so perhaps I'm way off here.... IMO, this should be fun, not super rigid.

[Evan&Anna's_Mom]

I think a lot here depends on the environment. Children wandering off and "doing their own thing" in a gymnasium can be dangerous and thus the teachers do need to be able to rely on children being able to redirect on verbal instructions, since they are often "hands on" helping another student when trying to get another student's attention. THis is expecially true in a gym situation where there are other classes going on simultaniously. Some 3 YOs are good with this, some aren't yet. At the Y program where DD started they had two options for 3 YOs -- one was a parent/student class where each parent was there to help (and corral) their own child, and one was an independent class for chidlren who were ready to follow a teacher's instructions, includingt waiting for their turn.

Traditional gymnastics classes involve a lot of waiting for your turn because the teachers can only help one or two kids at a time and a lot of the skills need to be spotted at first. If he isn't ready for this level, he might be a lot happier in a more generally movement sort of class.

[MJB]

Both my sons have done gymnastics at 3. They never had a problem, but I'm sure if someone had been wandering off during class it would have been a problem-- there are older gymnasts in the gym, all kinds of equipment, and a 3yo could really get hurt if they didn't stay with the class and follow directions.
They're giving him a second chance, why don't you talk to him and see if he is willing to stay with the instructor and listen next time, and if he's not, or he just can't, wait a while for this kind of class.
I'm also thinking about swim lessons-- my son just turned 4 and took swim lessons for 6 months of his 3 yr. old year. There is one teacher and the kids HAVE to hold onto the side of the pool or they will go under. If one kid got out of the pool, the instructor couldn't follow them unless they left the other kids alone in a pool with water higher than their heads. If a kid couldn't follow directions while waiting their turn in the pool, they would go underwater.
There are a lot of "mom and me" classes for 3yos that might be a better choice.

[jenfl]

My 2.5 year old DD is in a parent-child gymnastics class with my DH for 2-3 year olds, and it's much more relaxed. A lot of that is because each kid has a parent there to spot them and help them along. There's no waiting turns -- there's just a big obstacle course that each kid/parent pair start at some random point and then work their way through until class is over (and they all jump into the foam pit and throw big foam blocks at each other ).

Is there an option for something like that? It might be a more gentle introduction for your DS.

[lara1828]

Both my kids have done gymnastics as 3 yo and it is WAY more relaxed than what you describe, OP. I can see that there are some goals, but there is no discussion of them really and I've not seen one child threatened with withdrawal for behavior. The instructors just work on it with the child.

There are certain expectations for safety reasons (like only one child on the trampoline at a time), but the kids are free to run off to their mom or to get a drink.

If I were you, I'd be looking for a more relaxed enviroment for my 3yo.

And to answer your questions, NO a 3 yo can't be expected to follow all directions all the time. They are not developmentally capable of it and the instructors should know that and know how to deal with a wanderer.

Lara

[annettemarie]

Moving to Childhood Years.

[Purple Cat]

I'd withdraw from the class and request a refund. Then, I would re-enroll my child in a program with a teacher appropriate for 3 and 4 year-olds.

[pigpokey]

I would look for a more relaxed gym class if your child can't / you don't want your child to get with the program. I also think it's usually wise not to put them in a structured class until they are ready.

Many classes are fun and games. Not this one. You didn't ask, now you know.

I don't understand anyone blaming the instructors or class design. There are ample mommy and me type classes in most gymnastics markets for 3 year olds who are not ready for a coach.

It is dangerous / distracting / devaluing to the children who are ready to settle down and work at age 3 and 4 to insist that their classes must also include children who are not.

Anecdotally, my son was expelled from Mommy and Me and promoted into the preschool division at age 2.5 for being too advanced (gym owner was concerned about liability -- that he'd get hurt doing real tumbling without a coach etc.). Things were going acceptably until December of that year when a child his age joined the class, who was NOT ready, who was NOT advanced (did not need to be there ... could have been in Mommy and Me like we would have preferred). Let me rephrase, this child was very capable and may be a very nice gymnast now, well above average, but he was not at risk of trying a back tuck on the floor before he was ready know what I mean? This bothered my son to no end. It did not incite my son to misbehave but it pulled 80% of the coach's attention to one student and pulled 80% of my son's attention from his work to this kid's antics. That's the other point of view. We grinned and took it but I really wanted to scream at the mom, just bring him an hour earlier to free play time! He's not learning anything anyway! I mean he was not learning anything except possibly to behave but meanwhile the other kids were not getting a reasonable share of the coach's time in a focus-promoting environment.

The ability level of children varies widely; gymnastics respects that; and it's not fair to put kids in a "real gymnastics class" who do not want to be there or aren't ready.

Yes, there are some three year olds who are reliable and even more 4's. Plenty of girls compete level 2 at age 4, or train 3-5 hours a week in preteam programs. My son joined a power tumbling team at age 4.5. Being focused young does not mean the child will be a better gymnast than later bloomers but that doesn't mean they should get to interfere and take coaching away from younger kids who are capable of enjoying the sport.

[Peony]

Originally Posted by lara1828

Both my kids have done gymnastics as 3 yo and it is WAY more relaxed than what you describe, OP. I can see that there are some goals, but there is no discussion of them really and I've not seen one child threatened with withdrawal for behavior. The instructors just work on it with the child.

There are certain expectations for safety reasons (like only one child on the trampoline at a time), but the kids are free to run off to their mom or to get a drink.

If I were you, I'd be looking for a more relaxed enviroment for my 3yo.

And to answer your questions, NO a 3 yo can't be expected to follow all directions all the time. They are not developmentally capable of it and the instructors should know that and know how to deal with a wanderer.

Lara

Exactly. That class is way too rigid and I certainly would be looking at other options. I've been a gymnastics mom for several years now, I've spent hundreds of hours sitting there waiting for one child for another, I've observed many in a class in that time. Never once have a seen a child threatened to be removed for behavior, especially in that age group! There might be a quiet discussion with the child or parent afterward. And being removed if they don't move up in the skills, OMG, it is a 3 year! The wandering around during class is not ok, but the little ones do it. The coaches here just redirect them, "Hey Lily, come over here and join me!" in a nice way, and sometimes that has to be done over and over and over but at that age, that is what is to be expected.

[JL83]

If the class isn't parented, then I think their expectations are right. They can't have kids who aren't listening in a gym.

If the class is parented, then you are right there with him keeping him safe, so they should be more relaxed.

From what I've seen, most 3yos are able to follow instructions. If yours isn't, that's not the classes fault and the rest of the kids shouldn't suffer because your kid isn't ready. There's nothing wrong with not being ready for this kind of class. That's why there are often parented 3yo classes as well as unparented classes. We have 3yo DD in a parented swimming class because we don't trust her in the water with 3 or 4 kids and 1 teacher. Many 3yos are ready for that (my niece was at that age). But DD is not ready. I am sure she'd let go and try to swim by herself. So we do a parented class where DH or I are with her.

The parented swimming class is certainly more relaxed than the un-parented one.

[karemore]

It sounds like a horrible program to me. Unless you are looking to produce an olympic athlete there is no reason to have your child in a program like that.

Gymnastics should be fun. And at age 3, the parent should be on the floor with the child. Here they don't go out alone until they are 4. There's a huge difference between most 3 year olds and 4 year olds in the ability to stay focused.

There's nothing wrong with your child, it just sounds like you got into the wrong program.

[JL83]

Originally Posted by karemore

It sounds like a horrible program to me. Unless you are looking to produce an olympic athlete there is no reason to have your child in a program like that.

Gymnastics should be fun. And at age 3, the parent should be on the floor with the child. Here they don't go out alone until they are 4. There's a huge difference between most 3 year olds and 4 year olds in the ability to stay focused.

There's nothing wrong with your child, it just sounds like you got into the wrong program.

I think it's pretty judgmental to say that it must be a horrible program.

The fact is that some 3yos are ready to do activities without their parents and actually enjoy that time. Other 3yos aren't ready and should be in a different class.

There's nothing wrong with the kids or classes. It's just that different kids develop at different speeds.

We just started a dance class for 3yos which isn't parented. DD has had a GREAT time. She LOVES it. She loves the fact that she's doing something without me and can tell me all about it (even though I was watching the entire time).

It's also really really hard to do most things parented with a 3yo unless they are the last kid or an only. I have a new baby, and that means that most classes DD can't go to because they don't allow you to bring siblings.

I think that the OP needs to decide if her son is ready for that class and go from there. Nothing wrong with the class or her son. The only problem is that there might be a mismatch of readiness.

[beautifulboy]

hi there, just read your post -- this really doesn't sound like a decent program to me, it sounds like the instructors know very little about child development or children, for that matter. I wouldn't go back.

[FreeRangeMama]

Originally Posted by JL83

I think it's pretty judgmental to say that it must be a horrible program.

The fact is that some 3yos are ready to do activities without their parents and actually enjoy that time. Other 3yos aren't ready and should be in a different class.

There's nothing wrong with the kids or classes. It's just that different kids develop at different speeds.

We just started a dance class for 3yos which isn't parented. DD has had a GREAT time. She LOVES it. She loves the fact that she's doing something without me and can tell me all about it (even though I was watching the entire time).

It's also really really hard to do most things parented with a 3yo unless they are the last kid or an only. I have a new baby, and that means that most classes DD can't go to because they don't allow you to bring siblings.

I think that the OP needs to decide if her son is ready for that class and go from there. Nothing wrong with the class or her son. The only problem is that there might be a mismatch of readiness.

It isn't the fact that it is unparented that makes it a horrible program, the problem is that this is normal 3 year old behavior and this class has incredibly unrealistic expectations for that age group. To consider NORMAL child development a "problematic behavior" is ridiculous and any program that felt it was certainly wouldn't be dealing with MY children. I expect at least a basic understanding of child development from the people who deal with my kids in a setting like this.

I have had my 3 year olds in unparented programs. My dd1 was in ballet starting at that age and she had NO ability to follow directions (she is a daydreamer....). Her teacher was patient and helpful. The class was fun and relaxed. The 3 and 4 year olds were expected to act like 3 and 4 year olds. When they lose focus she gently directs them back. The class is fun and playful and completely age appropriate. Now that dd1 is 4 and in her second year of this class she listens and participates with no problem most of the time as is expected of a nearly 5 year old. I will likely start dd2 in that class next year when she turns 3.

I also have all 4 of mine in gymnastics. They do circuits so that no child is just waiting around for their turn (a recipe for disaster with this age group). They play games and sing songs to teach them the moves or for warm ups. Again, geared toward the age group. My 2 boys are in the older class (they are 6 and 8) and the expectations are much different.

OP I would withdraw your child from this class and find one that is more appropriate for children his age. I think that class has very unrealistic expectations.

[JL83]

Originally Posted by FreeRangeMama

It isn't the fact that it is unparented that makes it a horrible program, the problem is that this is normal 3 year old behavior and this class has incredibly unrealistic expectations for that age group. To consider NORMAL child development a "problematic behavior" is ridiculous and any program that felt it was certainly wouldn't be dealing with MY children. I expect at least a basic understanding of child development from the people who deal with my kids in a setting like this.

I do not think that the expectations are unrealistic for all 3yos.

I think that it's perfectly acceptable to state what the expectations for a specific class are. Not all kids are suitable for all classes. That's why there are different kinds of classes.

I don't think that not listening is "normal" for the 3yo set. It certainly isn't at my DD's daycare. Most of the kids in her room, 3 to 4yos, are able to regularly follow instructions and the room is fundamentally different from the 2 to 3yo room.

I have had my 3 year olds in unparented programs. My dd1 was in ballet starting at that age and she had NO ability to follow directions (she is a daydreamer....). Her teacher was patient and helpful. The class was fun and relaxed. The 3 and 4 year olds were expected to act like 3 and 4 year olds. When they lose focus she gently directs them back. The class is fun and playful and completely age appropriate. Now that dd1 is 4 and in her second year of this class she listens and participates with no problem most of the time as is expected of a nearly 5 year old. I will likely start dd2 in that class next year when she turns 3.

The OP didn't give us enough information to let us know the level of how much redirection the teachers did. For all we know, they did all those things.

I also have all 4 of mine in gymnastics. They do circuits so that no child is just waiting around for their turn (a recipe for disaster with this age group). They play games and sing songs to teach them the moves or for warm ups. Again, geared toward the age group. My 2 boys are in the older class (they are 6 and 8) and the expectations are much different.

OP I would withdraw your child from this class and find one that is more appropriate for children his age. I think that class has very unrealistic expectations.

I really object to it being classed as not "appropriate for children his age". The class may not be appropriate for that specific child. But many children do just fine in this type of class.

[Asparagus78]

Originally Posted by JL83

The OP didn't give us enough information to let us know the level of how much redirection the teachers did. For all we know, they did all those things.

There was no real redirection, just yelling the child's name (DS wasn't the only one) and threatening the child with a loss of turn.

Thanks to all for your reply. DS1 also did swimming and he did great (unparented) and we do soccer. I guess my expectations were based on past experiences. In swimming, if a child doesn't want to do one thing, the instructors allow for some personal freedom (many times, a child was allowed to just kick and do arm movements if he/she wasn't comfortable doing the back crawl). At soccer, at any given time, half the kids are off picking flowers, and that's just fine because there are no goals set for that class, except to be introduced to the sport and have fun. DS1, BTW, also does well in soccer and is able to follow all instructions and kick the ball, run after it... I guess he needs something more high-energy than waiting for 10 minutes before doing a flip. As someone pointed out, I should've checked what the goals were for that class. He did say he liked it last night, so perhaps I will try it again. Thanks for your input, mamas!

[babymommy2]

I'd find a new gym. I agree they need to be able to listen enough so as not to be a hazard to others, but saying you are going to be kicked out and you must meet these certain skills is over the top.
In the gym we use, there are probably a dozen class going at one time, from toddler to teen. part of the gym is for toddlers/preschoolers and where they spend most of time. they are not to go into the "regular" gym equipment alone, but if they wonder off in the toddler area, no big deal. There are classes for age 2-3 that are parented and classes for 3-4 that are unparented, so you could choose either depending on how well your child can follow directions. NO pressure to meat certain skills, it is just a fun time.

[bobandjess99]

I've been in both. We've taken gymnastics where it was more of a fun "playtime" and where it was more instructional, and yes, the kids were expected to follow directions in those classes.
I don't think there is anytyhing wrong with a more formal class at that age, but it clearly isn't as good fit for YOUR child.
DD - she excelled, and always listened and did what she was told, and did wonderfully in the more formal program from age 2 on. She's now age 5 and doing some pretty decent level skills for her age.
Ds? Hahahahahah. He's in the "playtime" class.

[plantmama]

We just had a similar experience yesterday, except I think the teachers were way more relaxed about it and both stressed how normal it was. Ds didn't do a thing they asked him to and ran around making funny noises. The gym has it set up where you just do a 2 week trial so we'll check it out next week and then probably drop it if it doesn't work out. I also have a baby so I can't do the parent/ child class.
The thing is ds really wants to do it, and gets really excited about it, but can't fathom going around with his group without me.
His class is set up with about 7 kids and 2 teachers and they are almost never waiting because they have enough things at each station so each kid has something to do whether independently or while being spotted by one of the 2.
All of the other children (3-4 y/os) were able to follow directions, stay with the group, and go along properly. My ds could not but the instructors didn't seem surprised or displeased. And I agree that this inability to pay attention should be expected to some degree.
There were no public threats of withdrawl.
I would have felt pretty peeved at that kind of reaction too, op.

[FreeRangeMama]

I do not think that the expectations are unrealistic for all 3yos.

I think that it's perfectly acceptable to state what the expectations for a specific class are. Not all kids are suitable for all classes. That's why there are different kinds of classes.

I don't think that not listening is "normal" for the 3yo set. It certainly isn't at my DD's daycare. Most of the kids in her room, 3 to 4yos, are able to regularly follow instructions and the room is fundamentally different from the 2 to 3yo room.

You don't think it is unrealistic to expect a 3 year old to wait 10 minutes between activities? Or to be told you child will have to withdraw if they don't 'shape up'?

It isn't the formality of a class that makes it a bad class. Certainly not all classes will work for all kids. It is the fact that very young kids are expected to wait long periods of time for their turns, then it is considered a problem when they can't. A class geared for this age group should take the age of the children into account when planning the activities. And the fact that parents are publicly called out for their kids' "problematic" behaviour is pretty terrible too.

We have taken gymnastics from 3 different places. One was terrible, one was pretty good, and the one we are in now is great. But all 3 have done the activities in a circuit so every child can be doing activities at the same time. No one has to wait for long. Kids have NEVER been threatened with withdrawl for behaving in a way that was typical for their age. Formal or not isn't a big deal. Not a good fit, fine. Kids standing around doing nothing wastes my time and money. 3 year olds having a hard time waiting being considered a problem is kind of silly.