DS has seperation anxiety...BAD

[secondimpression]

Ugh, this is tearing me up. I'm a single mom and would love nothing more than to stay home but it's not a viable option so please don't suggest it.

9 month old DS spends ALL DAY at daycare crying/whining for me. It's been so bad that he has refused to eat on some days and never naps for more than 15 minutes total. I think a lot of it has to do with his DCP, she's just not been willing to really work with him to make him feel comfortable. Then again, she just gave me her two-weeks notice so I'm not entirely convinced she's working with him at all anymore. This is his last week with this DCP and he won't be spending many hours there anyhow, so it's a moot point.

He'll be starting with a new DCP next week and I was planning to use my vacation time each morning just spending an hour or however long is necessary just sitting in the background. Not interacting with DS at all, just being there so he can see me and perhaps gain some trust from the new DCP that way. Does that sound like a good idea?

I really want to know that there is a way to help him through this other than "he'll grow out of it" because I know it took me a LONG time as a toddler to do that. I was old enough to actually remember hanging from the door and crying myself to sleep when my mom dropped me off at daycare every day, I don't want my DS to go through that.

Any input from mamas who have been through bad seperation anxiety? Ideas from DCPs?

[monkeybum]

Just wanted to say HUGS! I know how hard it is.

My suggestion would be not to leave him the first day as he is likely to be very clingy at first and you will want to gradually work up his trust in the situation, you, the new DCP, etc. I would suggest a visit for an hour the first day (then keep him home the rest of the day if you can). The next day stay 2-3 hours, and the 3rd day try 3-4 hours and include lunch (then keep him home the rest of those days). This will hopefully build his comfort in the new situation while you are still there. Then on day 4 leave him for 1/2 an hour to an hour. Then day 5 leave him for 2-3 hours, so he isn't left as long without you while he builds his trust. Let the DCP interact with him, get him lunch, hold him etc. IF HE's READY, don't force it. Hopefully, he will warm up to her quickly. Make sure YOU are positive to and about her, as he will pick up on this - if you trust her, he will more easily.

Also, talk to him, tell him what is going on. Tell him you are going to see a wonderful new lady named X, and that she will love him, and help him, and that if he is scared, to tell X and she will rock him, and that if he is hungry or thirsty to tell X and she will get him his bottle. Reassure him that you will come back, that you love him, that you will see him very soon. They understand so much more than we realize at that age. My son was signing back to me by 10-11 months, so not only did he understand things, but he could communicate too.

We did this with my boys when they were that age and it seemed to work. I would also always stay a few minutes after I'd left to see how the DCP was calming him down if he cried - distraction works wonders - if she is not calming him how you'd like, dont' be afraid to go back in and suggest it. Give him one quick hug, hand him to her, and go.

It does get easier. And he will survive. It sounds like your last DCP was not in to it in her heart, which may be why he was so upset. I really hope you find a great new DCP as that makes ALL the difference.