I honestly don’t know how to deal with this. I’ve been working in my professional field for 15 years, I’ve never been fired, I’ve worked in Fortune 500 companies and I’ve always been a top performer at all of my jobs, and I’ve never had a problem with any coworkers anywhere. The company I’ve been with for the past 3 ½ years is a large global company that NEVER recruits from the outside, (it’s known as impossible to get in to as they only promote from within). It pays really, really well and many people have 30-40 years service.
For whatever reason, they head-hunted me and hired me in to a senior Management role, (2 down from the President). This was the first time in history as far as anyone could remember that someone was hired in at that level vs working their way up, and made a LOT of people really mad at me before I’d even started since they all felt that I had not “earned” that job - you had to “earn” those jobs IN the company (none of them have ever worked anywhere else, so apparently working anywhere else isn’t worth anything…even though my resume is very strong and I was well qualified). My first day, I literally had people coming to my office and being extremely rude to me, raising their voices, etc. (without even introducing themselves – I had 3 on my first day alone). It was clear people literally hated me before they’d even met me. I work in a very specialized field that my boss knows very little about, and she took me for lunch my first day and after that, I rarely see or hear from her. Whenever I have gone to her with any kind of concern, issue, asked for help, anything, her answer is always, “oh, you’ll figure it out”. No support at all, she could honestly care less.
So I spent the first 3 months on the job crying myself to sleep every night and hated every second I was at work. I felt like a kid being bullied at school and dreaded going to work each day to face the mean-ness, criticisms to my face, purposefully trying to embarrass me or trip me up in meetings, giving me wrong information, etc. I have never experienced anything like this in my life. But the company offers some rare perks – one year paid maternity leave at 75% salary, on-site subsidized child care and a child care reimbursement benefit of $2500/year per child, Friday afternoons off in the summer, 6 weeks vacation, 3 additional days off when public schools are closed, AND it pays really well and is very close to home (there are very few jobs in my field at my level that are less than 1hr+ commute). I also get 2 cars with my job. So planning to get pregnant with my 2nd child, I decided to stick it out for a while, so I grit my teeth and did it. It’s now 3 ½ (nearly 4) years in and my 2nd child is in the on-site child care centre, which I love. The perks have been worth it, and I’m “buying my time” until next summer when I can move him from there. That’s when I plan to quit, if I can make it until then.
Suddenly, competition for the first pay increase in years and the competition for jobs after a lot of downsizing is making people become more competitive and frankly, meaner. People I thought I trusted are stabbing me in the back. One person (in another totally unrelated department) keeps trying to give me a bunch of his work, (which I have no knowledge how to do nor time or staff to do) and when I push back and say we need to discuss it further and that I want my boss’s input if we are transferring functions, I need resources, etc., he goes to my boss and says I’m not being a team player. Another person kept walking in to my office and interrupting (when the door was closed) when I was on confidential conference calls or confidential meetings with other employees, and after I politely asked her not to come in when my door is closed, or to knock and ask if it is ok to be interrupted, she went to my boss and said I was unapproachable (I’m so not), never available (totally untrue) and not a team player. WTF!? I swear I feel like I’m in the frickin’ twighlight zone. So instead of my boss asking to hear my side of it, she gives me this feedback and tells me I’d better become more of a team player! Then she gives me my performance review and in it, puts that I’m not a team player! I asked if she could give me some specific examples so that I could make improvements, and she couldn’t. She just said “it’s what people are saying”. Sheesh! Whenever I try to talk to her about what is going on, updates on projects I’m working on, etc. she literally starts emailing, typing on her blackberry and she has even answered to phone and then “shooed” me away while I was in mid-sentence. She is very disrespectful, will outright ignore me at times when I talk to her, she is no support and could care less what is going on in my area.
Anyway, after my boss giving me another “team player” comment from someone this morning, then someone yelling at me over something I wasn’t even involved in or aware of, (but it’s apparently my fault and my job to fix…) and someone sending me a very nasty email I just burst in to tears and ran out of the office. I started hyperventilating and was sobbing so hard I could not drive my car until I had calmed down. I feel like every one there hates me, and I can’t do anything about it, and I hate facing their mean-ness every day. I wish I could just let it roll off my shoulders, but I can’t, and it’s making my life hell – I spend sooo much time trying to defend myself against false accusations, and having to provide back up and “proof” that I did certain things as people continually try to throw me under the bus. It is horrible and exhausting.
It doesn't help that I'm the primary breadwinner AND my DH doesn't do a whole lot other than take out the garbage. He works in manual labour and wants to come home and put his feet up. I manage pretty much everything at home too, (even physical stuff like cleaning the garage, arranging for fence repairs, etc.). So the pressure is on me to support the family, so I can't just quit, I have to decide whether to stay and be bullied (cause that's what it feels like), or quit and take a pay cut - probably have to sell the house, or quit and add a 1hr+ commute.
Does anyone out there have any ideas on how to deal with these people? I cannot take it anymore, but I really really want to try to stay for one more year as I don’t want to uproot my son who's in the day care as he has to start public school next year and I don’t want to transition him now just to transition him again in a year (he’s at that age where it will be VERY hard on him to move).
Any advice?
For whatever reason, they head-hunted me and hired me in to a senior Management role, (2 down from the President). This was the first time in history as far as anyone could remember that someone was hired in at that level vs working their way up, and made a LOT of people really mad at me before I’d even started since they all felt that I had not “earned” that job - you had to “earn” those jobs IN the company (none of them have ever worked anywhere else, so apparently working anywhere else isn’t worth anything…even though my resume is very strong and I was well qualified). My first day, I literally had people coming to my office and being extremely rude to me, raising their voices, etc. (without even introducing themselves – I had 3 on my first day alone). It was clear people literally hated me before they’d even met me. I work in a very specialized field that my boss knows very little about, and she took me for lunch my first day and after that, I rarely see or hear from her. Whenever I have gone to her with any kind of concern, issue, asked for help, anything, her answer is always, “oh, you’ll figure it out”. No support at all, she could honestly care less.
So I spent the first 3 months on the job crying myself to sleep every night and hated every second I was at work. I felt like a kid being bullied at school and dreaded going to work each day to face the mean-ness, criticisms to my face, purposefully trying to embarrass me or trip me up in meetings, giving me wrong information, etc. I have never experienced anything like this in my life. But the company offers some rare perks – one year paid maternity leave at 75% salary, on-site subsidized child care and a child care reimbursement benefit of $2500/year per child, Friday afternoons off in the summer, 6 weeks vacation, 3 additional days off when public schools are closed, AND it pays really well and is very close to home (there are very few jobs in my field at my level that are less than 1hr+ commute). I also get 2 cars with my job. So planning to get pregnant with my 2nd child, I decided to stick it out for a while, so I grit my teeth and did it. It’s now 3 ½ (nearly 4) years in and my 2nd child is in the on-site child care centre, which I love. The perks have been worth it, and I’m “buying my time” until next summer when I can move him from there. That’s when I plan to quit, if I can make it until then.
Suddenly, competition for the first pay increase in years and the competition for jobs after a lot of downsizing is making people become more competitive and frankly, meaner. People I thought I trusted are stabbing me in the back. One person (in another totally unrelated department) keeps trying to give me a bunch of his work, (which I have no knowledge how to do nor time or staff to do) and when I push back and say we need to discuss it further and that I want my boss’s input if we are transferring functions, I need resources, etc., he goes to my boss and says I’m not being a team player. Another person kept walking in to my office and interrupting (when the door was closed) when I was on confidential conference calls or confidential meetings with other employees, and after I politely asked her not to come in when my door is closed, or to knock and ask if it is ok to be interrupted, she went to my boss and said I was unapproachable (I’m so not), never available (totally untrue) and not a team player. WTF!? I swear I feel like I’m in the frickin’ twighlight zone. So instead of my boss asking to hear my side of it, she gives me this feedback and tells me I’d better become more of a team player! Then she gives me my performance review and in it, puts that I’m not a team player! I asked if she could give me some specific examples so that I could make improvements, and she couldn’t. She just said “it’s what people are saying”. Sheesh! Whenever I try to talk to her about what is going on, updates on projects I’m working on, etc. she literally starts emailing, typing on her blackberry and she has even answered to phone and then “shooed” me away while I was in mid-sentence. She is very disrespectful, will outright ignore me at times when I talk to her, she is no support and could care less what is going on in my area.
Anyway, after my boss giving me another “team player” comment from someone this morning, then someone yelling at me over something I wasn’t even involved in or aware of, (but it’s apparently my fault and my job to fix…) and someone sending me a very nasty email I just burst in to tears and ran out of the office. I started hyperventilating and was sobbing so hard I could not drive my car until I had calmed down. I feel like every one there hates me, and I can’t do anything about it, and I hate facing their mean-ness every day. I wish I could just let it roll off my shoulders, but I can’t, and it’s making my life hell – I spend sooo much time trying to defend myself against false accusations, and having to provide back up and “proof” that I did certain things as people continually try to throw me under the bus. It is horrible and exhausting.
It doesn't help that I'm the primary breadwinner AND my DH doesn't do a whole lot other than take out the garbage. He works in manual labour and wants to come home and put his feet up. I manage pretty much everything at home too, (even physical stuff like cleaning the garage, arranging for fence repairs, etc.). So the pressure is on me to support the family, so I can't just quit, I have to decide whether to stay and be bullied (cause that's what it feels like), or quit and take a pay cut - probably have to sell the house, or quit and add a 1hr+ commute.
Does anyone out there have any ideas on how to deal with these people? I cannot take it anymore, but I really really want to try to stay for one more year as I don’t want to uproot my son who's in the day care as he has to start public school next year and I don’t want to transition him now just to transition him again in a year (he’s at that age where it will be VERY hard on him to move).
Any advice?
mama. That sounds like a toxic work environment for you.
Court them.
