My in laws live with me. It makes it difficult for me to set any boundaries with DS (only 16 months). DS is allowed to do more than most kids. We make it a point to "explore" with him and have taught him things like "careful", "dangerous", "hot" instead of saying "NO!" He is a wonderful child and we do not have any problems with behavior etc other than what is typical of a 16 month old.
I do not want a spoiled brat who always gets there way or they make everyone elses life miserable. Sometimes I think that he just cant get everything he wants when he wants it, especially when he screams and throws tantrums for it. For example, i am trying to develop healthy eating habits. The other day I gave him some raisins. They are high in sugar so I give them in moderation. He wanted more and I would not give him anymore. I explained to him that mama wants him to be healthy and that he can have more raisins another day and that we will eat different food. My father in law was beside himself. He just could not understand why I didnt give him more raisins to make him stop crying. Later DS was trying to ask FIL for raisins and FIL said "no I cant give you because your mama will shout at me!" Maybe this doesnt affect him now, but i feel later he will think I am the "mean one". He could have supported my decision.
Also, sometimes DS will throw his food on the floor and screan for me to pick it up. My FIL will do this a billion times. I told him not to because DS needs to learn cause and affect. If he throws it, then it goes bye bye and he doesnt get to eat it. Things like that.
My approach for a temper tantrum is to acknowledge the emotion and feelings, but not to give into the behavior. For example, I will say, "I know it is fun to put your hand in the tub of vaseline and smear it everywhere, but mama needs to save it for the baby so its not something we can play with. Lets try and find something else." I will try and redirect him, but it doesnt always work, so I just ignore the tantrum (which quickly ends when I dont feed it). My in laws start saying "no no baby you are a prince! you are a king! how can we see you cry!?" and they feed into the tantrum.
Naturally, I am the one concerned about his upbringing and his manners. DH is totally with me, but that doesnt matter when he is at work. Am I wrong? I mean, is it ok for them to "spoil him" while living in the same house? Do you think as a child he will interpret that as more love, or just see it as something to manipulate to get his way? I dont want to be underminded because there are things in their culture I do NOT want DS to follow (ie: obsession with skin color, educational status, on and on...) and I am scared if he sees me as the mean one, then he will be more inclined to follow them. On the other hand, I want him to have good manners and not be spoiled.
Any thoughts? Dont be scared to hurt my feelings, I am totally open
I do not want a spoiled brat who always gets there way or they make everyone elses life miserable. Sometimes I think that he just cant get everything he wants when he wants it, especially when he screams and throws tantrums for it. For example, i am trying to develop healthy eating habits. The other day I gave him some raisins. They are high in sugar so I give them in moderation. He wanted more and I would not give him anymore. I explained to him that mama wants him to be healthy and that he can have more raisins another day and that we will eat different food. My father in law was beside himself. He just could not understand why I didnt give him more raisins to make him stop crying. Later DS was trying to ask FIL for raisins and FIL said "no I cant give you because your mama will shout at me!" Maybe this doesnt affect him now, but i feel later he will think I am the "mean one". He could have supported my decision.
Also, sometimes DS will throw his food on the floor and screan for me to pick it up. My FIL will do this a billion times. I told him not to because DS needs to learn cause and affect. If he throws it, then it goes bye bye and he doesnt get to eat it. Things like that.
My approach for a temper tantrum is to acknowledge the emotion and feelings, but not to give into the behavior. For example, I will say, "I know it is fun to put your hand in the tub of vaseline and smear it everywhere, but mama needs to save it for the baby so its not something we can play with. Lets try and find something else." I will try and redirect him, but it doesnt always work, so I just ignore the tantrum (which quickly ends when I dont feed it). My in laws start saying "no no baby you are a prince! you are a king! how can we see you cry!?" and they feed into the tantrum.
Naturally, I am the one concerned about his upbringing and his manners. DH is totally with me, but that doesnt matter when he is at work. Am I wrong? I mean, is it ok for them to "spoil him" while living in the same house? Do you think as a child he will interpret that as more love, or just see it as something to manipulate to get his way? I dont want to be underminded because there are things in their culture I do NOT want DS to follow (ie: obsession with skin color, educational status, on and on...) and I am scared if he sees me as the mean one, then he will be more inclined to follow them. On the other hand, I want him to have good manners and not be spoiled.
Any thoughts? Dont be scared to hurt my feelings, I am totally open
