Waiting to Adopt NON DDC ~ January 2010

[BeckC]

This is a "Non Due Date Club" for all the Mamas waiting to adopt kiddos, whether newborn or older. We can share our stories, encourage each other while we wait and be patient (or not) for our little ones to arrive.

Feel free to join in if you are waiting for a foster kiddo, a relative or an adoption in any stage. We're not trying to be exclusive at all. Mamas who don't have any kids yet but who are waiting to adopt or foster a kiddo are also welcome. Also feel free to chime in if you have previously adopted and have stories or advice to share.

Please keep this thread supportive and gentle. We all have different journeys and different ways of "getting there".

Here is the link to December's NON DDC

**************************

Waiting to Adopt DDC Roll Call!!!


BeckC (Rebecca)
Domestic Transracial Newborn Adoption
Homestudy approved 8/09
Waiting to be matched

Whistler (Erin)
Domestic Transracial Newborn Adoption
Baby boy born on 9/29
Home on 10/9!

mamalemon
Domestic Newborn Adoption
Baby boy is home!

mamarhu
Foster/adoptive parent, hoping to adopt DFC
Maybe waiting for 5yo twins, sibs of DFC

tiffani
International African adoption
Received referral for 2.5 year old boy and 5 mo old girl!

lamamax3
Domestic Newborn Adoption
Licensed and waiting to be matched

curliemama
Licensed to foster-adopt
Working with private agency for newborn adoption
Waiting to be matched

HeatherAtHome (Heather)
Hoping to foster/adopt
Bought a house, renovating before starting the process

candm
International Haitian adoption
Finalized, our son and daughter are home!

crl (Catherine)
Updating homestudies for China and Kyrgyzstan
Homestudy for domestic adoption approved 12/09
Matched with an emom having a girl due in April

sesa70 (Theresa)
Domestic Transracial Infant Adoption
Homestudy approved 11/09
Waiting for a match

airmide_m
Beginning adoption process
Working on getting lawyer and homestudy right away

chanibell
International Adoption
Thinking stage for #2

angie6191
Hoping to adopt current foster kiddos
Starting process for domestic transracial newborn adoption
Approved 11/09

azedazobollis (Christine)
DD came home on December
Waiting for finalization

Polliwog (Beth)
Hoping to adopt DFD who is free for adoption
Next court date in Nov

DTmama1
Matched with sibling group from foster care
Ages 6, 9, 10, 11, and 13
Kids are moved in!

raqmykids (Raquel)
Transracial domestic adoption
Waiting for placement

someonenamedleah (Leah)
Domestic Transracial Infant Adoption
Baby boys born 1/09!

Alvenchrst
Foster/adopt
Working on paperwork

ftlmom2001
Domestic private adoption
Baby boy born 10/13

hdeering
Foster parents to 3 yo, 3 yo, and 5 month old.
Moving towards adoption with 2 out of 3, but maybe all 3.
TPR hearing for 1 or 2 of them in Jan.

excitedtobeamom
Adopting from Thailand
Waiting on referral (hopefully summer/fall 2010)

hi abbott
Working on agency paperwork

rebyell
Domestic adoption
Baby girl born 11/10/09
Baby is home!

Luv-my-boys
Special needs Foster/Adopt through state
Approved, Waiting for $$ to finish homestudy

Crpsmnwife
International adoption from Ethiopia
Homestudy completed
Waiting for approval

Ttoes
Domestic Newborn Adoption
Homestudy approved
Waiting to be matched

SimplyRochelle (Rochelle)
Hoping to adopt from foster care
Just starting the process

griffin2004
State Foster-to-Adopt Program
Waiting for a placement
Signed with private adoption attorney

christophersmom
Hoping to foster
Approved 10/09
Waiting for a placement

leahcar
Homestudy approved 07/09
Hoping to adopt an older child (girl)
Matched with a 9 year old girl

ladycop79 (Heather B)
Hoping to foster
Taking MAPP classes

Sbrinton (Sara)
International African Adoption
Researching agencies

mightyisis6874
Domestic Infant Adoption
Applying with agency
Waiting for homestudy

willowbean
Licensing for foster hoping to foster-adopt
Working on home study

Bella Catalina
Hoping to adopt from Ethiopia
Researching agencies

Veronika01
Hoping to adopt
Researching programs

MamaK (Kim)
Domestic Transracial Newborn Adoption
Homestudy approved 12/09
Waiting to be matched

azmomtoone
Researching domestic and foster-adopt

**************************

Congratulations to rebyell and someonenamedleah on the birth of their babies!

[BeckC]

Our January non DDC is up. Better late than never I suppose.

I know that the past couple months have been slow and frustrating for a lot of us. We started this non DDC so that we could come together and share our joys as well as our frustrations. I know that for my part I hate always sharing "No news still, getting more and more depressed by the week" because I don't want to bring everything down. But I am sharing because I know that this group is supportive and wonderful.

So check in for the new year! Share the good, the bad and the downright frustrating/depressing/obnoxious parts of the adoption process.

I also wanted to say congrats to rebyell and welcome to our newest members.

[azmomtoone]

Can we join? Still just barely starting out.... Trying to foster-adopt.
"were we are" is I've contacted DES and been referred to two agencies, called one of them 3 times last week & didn't leave a msg because I wanted to talk to "a real person" (we have some questions regarding space, bed req., that we want to find out local laws for), called again yesterday & still just voicemail so left a msg and waiting for them to call back....
Hoping to get a homestudy, when it's time, that is valid for both foster care and private adoption and maybe advertising (parent profiles, etc) as an adoptive family, and then leaving it up God to decide when/where/how/if another child joins our family. No way we can afford an agency adoption even though that seems like the simplest route, nor can we affor to travel halfway around the world for weeks. .........

ETA - the "other" agency that I didn't call is Catholic Social Services which I've gotten a negative impression of from reading around here & talking to a couple people....anyone had a positive experience with them?

[HeatherAtHome]

Still waiting.

We're still working on our home but the first big wave is almost finished. We'll have a break from any big work until spring and warmer temperatures come. Once we finish this next bit I'll organize and put away everything, take a look at our home to see if it passes muster then, if I dare, I'll make a phonecall to foster.

I do find the longer I wait, the more I think about it, the more I think about it, the more I wonder if I can really do this. I wish I could just get into it already. The amount of running around makes me nervous... will we always be on the go to court aps, visits, doctor apts etc? I don't know.

The more time passes the more I'm leaning towards adoption. I just really want kids in my life.

[rebyell]

Thanks for the congrats Rebecca! I still can't believe it sometimes when I look at her and she is finally here. We had a long and pretty hard adoption story, and I wouldn't change a minute of it because then it wouldn't be her as my daughter now!! Hang in there. I got so tired of people saying to just be patient and it would happen when it was supposed to, but when you meet your child, it is TRUE!! I am grateful for my long wait and hard sad days, I think it makes me appreciate just what I have.

[sesa70]

Wow... it looks like our little group is getting bigger! Welcome everyone


I'm with BeckC on the no news front. We now have 3 boys names picked out and absolutely no hope of a match anytime soon. Can you tell we are hoping for a boy? Honestly, I have had my girls name picked out since before I even imagined having kids. The problem is I don't like the meaning... but doesnt matter because its not like we have to worry about names any time soon. We still feel like we are not getting fair representation but at this point there is little we can do about it other than just sit and wait. Its only been 2.5 months but in that time my little sister had her first baby and two of my closest friends have had babies. It doesn't help that my 4 yr old is in love with the babies and keeps asking me when her baby is coming home.

I guess I am just feeling negative and unhappy about all of it. I certainly hope that the rest of you are having better experiences!

[Polliwog]

Originally Posted by HeatherAtHome

Still waiting.

We're still working on our home but the first big wave is almost finished. We'll have a break from any big work until spring and warmer temperatures come. Once we finish this next bit I'll organize and put away everything, take a look at our home to see if it passes muster then, if I dare, I'll make a phonecall to foster.

I do find the longer I wait, the more I think about it, the more I think about it, the more I wonder if I can really do this. I wish I could just get into it already. The amount of running around makes me nervous... will we always be on the go to court aps, visits, doctor apts etc? I don't know.

The more time passes the more I'm leaning towards adoption. I just really want kids in my life.

Heather, I've been fostering for 3 1/2 years and really have never had to run around. Visits, if any, were once a week and I could have had the social worker pick up if needed. We've never had doctor visits other than those any of my bio children (if I had any) would have had. Social worker visit once a month. It really hasn't been a run around at all. I've fostered children younger than three (at placement.)

[HeatherAtHome]

Originally Posted by Polliwog

Heather, I've been fostering for 3 1/2 years and really have never had to run around.

Well, that's good news! I'm such a homebody.

[curliemama]

Our status is fine except the last line should be "waiting to be matched".

Thanks!

[someonenamedleah]

Our babies are here! Cassius Michael and Augustus Mohammad were born on Jan 2 at 34 weeks. They are still in nicu, but should be out by the weekend. ICPC may take up to a few more weeks, which is somewhat frustrating, but right now I'm just trying to go with flow and not get worked up over what I can't control.

[HeatherAtHome]

Yay Delilah!

[BeckC]

Congratulations mama! Welcome to the world Cassius and Augustus!

[azmomtoone]

Well, we spoke to a lady from Catholic Social Services today, and there is a wait list just to attend orientation! Unless you want to foster kids over 10 yrs old, then you can get in faster. So we are on the wait list..... Oh, and kids can't share a room beyond 8 yrs old....not sure if they can't share at all or foster kids can't share w/ bio kids, I didn't ask. But she did tell me I wouldn't be able to have a child older than my son placed, in the same room. (and then if a younger one gets placed, they can share until age 8)

Haven't heard anything from AZ Children's Association yet, may call again on Monday, or send an email, if we don't hear back tomorrow.

[crl]

Hi,

We're the same. I've been working a bit on getting things together (diapers, clothes, etc). I need to find a ped (I'm not thrilled with DS' ped and thinking about using this as an opportunity to switch.)

I'm starting to feel a bit stressed about how to work out the details for when the baby is born, assuming the expectant mom continues to want to place with us. She's about 2 hours away from here. So, she calls and says she's in labor, then what? She does not want us in the delivery room, totally fine with us. So do we wait to drive over until the baby is born? Until the birthmom is ready to be discharged (in CA the birthmom signs the paperwork after discharge)? I think I'd like for DS to come with us to get the baby from the hospital. But having all of us wait around the hospital during labor seems awkward and difficult. Maybe we could drive over to see the baby then come home and go back when it's discharge time?

Anyone BTDT, have suggestions?

Catherine

[crl]

Originally Posted by someonenamedleah

Our babies are here! Cassius Michael and Augustus Mohammad were born on Jan 2 at 34 weeks. They are still in nicu, but should be out by the weekend. ICPC may take up to a few more weeks, which is somewhat frustrating, but right now I'm just trying to go with flow and not get worked up over what I can't control.

CONGRATULATIONS!

Catherine

[BeckC]

Originally Posted by crl

Hi,

We're the same. I've been working a bit on getting things together (diapers, clothes, etc). I need to find a ped (I'm not thrilled with DS' ped and thinking about using this as an opportunity to switch.)

I'm starting to feel a bit stressed about how to work out the details for when the baby is born, assuming the expectant mom continues to want to place with us. She's about 2 hours away from here. So, she calls and says she's in labor, then what? She does not want us in the delivery room, totally fine with us. So do we wait to drive over until the baby is born? Until the birthmom is ready to be discharged (in CA the birthmom signs the paperwork after discharge)? I think I'd like for DS to come with us to get the baby from the hospital. But having all of us wait around the hospital during labor seems awkward and difficult. Maybe we could drive over to see the baby then come home and go back when it's discharge time?

Anyone BTDT, have suggestions?

Catherine

I think I would maybe talk to emom and ask her if she would like you guys to wait at the hospital or if she'd like some time and to just call you when she's ready. In your situation I think I would want to go without DS to meet the baby (is there anyone who can watch him?) and then go back with him later to pick the baby up after discharge.

[crl]

Originally Posted by BeckC

I think I would maybe talk to emom and ask her if she would like you guys to wait at the hospital or if she'd like some time and to just call you when she's ready. In your situation I think I would want to go without DS to meet the baby (is there anyone who can watch him?) and then go back with him later to pick the baby up after discharge.

You're so sweet. Thank you for the help. We could leave DS with friends, assuming they are in town (the baby is due right after spring break so if she's a couple of days early it will be a school vacation) but I sort of hate to impose for that length of time--it'd have to be 5 hours at least I think. If it was on a school day, we could make it there and back while DS was at school/after school care. We've done that before to meet the expectant mom. If it's school break, I could also have him at his aftercare for pretty much as long as I needed during the "work" day--they open at 8 and close at 6 and would absolutely accommodate us for this.

Thanks,
Catherine

[tiffani]

Originally Posted by crl

I'm starting to feel a bit stressed about how to work out the details for when the baby is born, assuming the expectant mom continues to want to place with us.

I think I would ask the expectant mom what she would like to have happen, and then plan around that. If you want your son to be there for the "bringing baby home" part, you could maybe wait until it's time for that. If you'd really like to be at the hospital when he's born (but not in the room) and emom is ok with it, I'd probably not bring him along. I think I'd make it perfectly clear to emom that you don't want her to feel pressured by your presence, but you'd love to come visit right after he's born, just to see her and the baby and maybe bring her something good to eat? then go back with your son if/when it's time to bring baby home.

Originally Posted by someonenamedleah

Our babies are here!

congratulations leah!! let us know how things progress!!

Still waiting on USCIS. hit a potential snag with NZ immigration, but hoping it will be resolved before we go. could be nothing, could be a serious obstacle. sigh.

[crl]

Tiffani,
Thanks for sharing your thoughts! I hope your immigration issues get sorted out soon.
Catherine

[mamadebug]

I hope it's OK if I jump in here now! We have been on this journey, with a lot of stops and starts, for quite a while now. I hadn't joined in before because it felt like a lot of waiting and uncertainty, and honestly began to feel more like a paperwork process than anything, and so I backed off the adoption part of MDC for a while. But, it feels like we are through that and I am ready to jump back in here!

We actually met with a pregnant couple last week! It was the first time we had done that, and despite being really nervous, it went really well. They had narrowed it down our family and one other. At this point, they have met with both families and are making their decision. The waiting is hard, and while obviously we do want the parents to choose the adoptive parents that they really want, we can't help hope that it is us! So, now we check our email constantly and jump at every phone call!