Preschooler Sleep Issues and EX

[BabyBearsMummy]

Please ladies help me out with this one.

My DD (now 3.5) and I have been locked in a battle over sleep for over a year. We are stuck in a loop.

Her father has told me he and his current girlfriend will parent our daughter how they see fit. Even though I am the one who parents her all but every other weekend.

DD needs consistant sleep but instead. She and I battle it out constantly. Between visits to my Ex my daughter fights sleep both nap and night time tooth and nail for about a 1.5 weeks. Averaging about 5 hours of battle a day. It is exausting and stressful for both of us. Then finally that last half a week we seam to be making a breakthrough and well dd still fights naps and bedtime it is a half hearted protest that doesnt even last 15 minutes. But then its time for exs weekend parenting time again. I know that he has her up tell not even getting her into bed until around 9 pm on his nights (I can only imagine when she goes to sleep) with her which wreaks havoic on the progress I have made with DD in the two weeks prior.

I fear also part of the issue is that he likely leaves her to CIO since I know his current girlfriend uses this method with her DD who is (4.5)

HELP!!!!
Today is day three of the current cycle and each night DD has fought sleep for two hours at nap time and from 7:30 until 11:00 at bedtime. I am going out of my mind and need to stop this cycle ASAP.

I intend to write an email to my ex about how this is harming our DD but I am so tired and frustrated that I dont know where to start

Thank You
BabyBearsMummy

[SoulCakes]

Big hugs to you, mama. This sounds like a super-stressful situation.

When my daughter (now almost 5) have fought for a long time about something that I thought she needed, it's usually turned out that she didn't really need that thing in the first place. For instance, we used to be in a similar situation, always fighting about whether or not she would take a nap. It was too much for me, so you know what? We just dropped the nap thing completely, and everything was fine. Suddenly she wasn't up till all hours of the evening because she was no longer too energized from the naps. Me getting what I wanted (and thought she needed) in this situation actually made it worse for me without my realizing it by keeping her awake longer and not letting her get tired at her own pace.

You probably can guess that talking to your ex isn't going to get you anywhere, so why not take a two-week cycle and try cutting out the naps? You don't have to stick to it if you clearly see it's not working, but you might be in for a pleasant surprise. It feels a lot better to not have to spend hours everyday duking it out with your daughter over sleep (been there), so your house will more relaxed and your relationship will probably improve.

Whatever you decide, good luck! It's stressful going through a cycle like that without any improvement.

[LittleBlessings]

Originally Posted by SoulCakes

When my daughter (now almost 5) have fought for a long time about something that I thought she needed, it's usually turned out that she didn't really need that thing in the first place. For instance, we used to be in a similar situation, always fighting about whether or not she would take a nap. It was too much for me, so you know what? We just dropped the nap thing completely, and everything was fine. Suddenly she wasn't up till all hours of the evening because she was no longer too energized from the naps. Me getting what I wanted (and thought she needed) in this situation actually made it worse for me without my realizing it by keeping her awake longer and not letting her get tired at her own pace.

.

I agree with SoulCakes and maybe she does not need a nap anymore

[Rosehip]

I third dropping the nap.

[BabyBearsMummy]

More Info

Just stoppong in to add a bit more information.

I have tried dropping the nap for many weeks (a cycle of 3 daddy visits each time, twice since we began having this problem) in an attempt to see if she was ready to drop her nap. It only resulted in a cranky impossible to deal with from the time she should go down for her nap until either bedtime (if I managed to keep her up threw the late afternoon) or a late evening nap (which results in a huge battle to get her to sleep before midnight). During these trials her immune system also seams to take a huge blow and she is constantly sick picking up every little thing. When DD is getting enough sleep she is a bubbly happy little girl who has an excellent immune system.

DD (and I) need that short afternoon renergizing break. Any ideas how to make that happen?

[PoppyMama]

I know you want a way to fix this that will get you what you want and what you feel your dd needs but it sounds like her sleep is so difficult to regulate you are not going to get it with the visitation. It also sounds like you and your x are engaged in a battle of wills over this now and your dd is in the middle. I would just stop playing. I know she needs her sleep but until she can be more flexible in her routine you are going to have to adjust to a schedule that will work with visitation. I know it's not fair but neither is constantly battling.