did traditional therapy actually DO anything for you?

[Magelet]

I was thinking about this as I walked out of my psychiatrists, once again down in the dumps. However, I hadn't been feeling depressed really at all in the two weeks between visits and had been feeling great that day beforehand. this is the usual pattern for me, being far more depressed afterwards. Usually I can't think of a reason for this, but DP (who always drives with me when he doesn't have to work, its kind of far so we make an afternoon of the trip and try to do something fun because I get depressed after) notices it as well. Last time, I actually did recognize a possible reason. She was berating me about getting off my parents money and needing to support myself sometime, and when I told her that I paid january's bills myself, she keep going on and on about how surprised she was. Well gee, did you think I couldn't? Thanks a lot.

It got me thinking, wondering if anyone here felt they actually had gotten any benefit from talking to a psychiatrist or therapist. (I know a part of the reason to see her is med management, which I'm hoping to get off asap, and weaning off). I've been seeing this psychiatrist for 4 years and another for a year before that, and honestly I don't think other than giving me what probably were at one point life-saving pills, and now are neither helpful nor nessicary nor good for me, I don't think I've gotten ANYTHING from it. After that much time, I feel like there should have been SOME issues we worked through, or made progress on, or SOMETHING, but really, I don't.

I think there have been a LOT of catalysts for growth and working on personal issues in that time, however none of them have been related to therapy. My vision quest was huge for this. Moving out on my own and in with DP has been pretty big. Talking to my psychiatrist? not helpful.

I don't really want to still be seeing her, she was the psychiatrist my parents found for me in high school, its expensive to drive an hour round trip to see her (plus bridge tolls, and public transit isn't cheaper), I always feel worse after we talk, and I don't feel like we have a great relationship. However, I know I need someone to manage my meds while I get off them, but I also need someone who I can have a better relationship with (at the least, an adult to adult relationship instead of being stuck in patterns of adult to teenager relationship.). but I can't, I don't know how/if I can find someone else to manage the meds, or someone else to help me with managing my depression (preferably someone who has LOTs of tools in her toolbox, more natural options to try. I don't think I need to have a psychiatrist once I'm off the meds, I think with help managing through natural methods I will be fine. I want the chance to try).

But I don't want to hurt her feelings. And once in high school, when my mom insisted that I get a second opinion from someone else without telling her, she flipped a bitch big time, and was very angry at me. I realize that even that isn't healthy, but I'm trapped in patterns and habits of reactions, which is entirely passive, and need to forge new patterns, I suspect with someone else (sort of a more clean slate), and don't know how.

If you've gotten this far through my rambles about a million subjects, thank you. If you have advice, thank you even more!

[mom0810]

Usually a pdoc only prescribes and manages meds. Maybe you should find a therapist who makes you feel good? Therapy is supposed to help, and usually I feel lots better after a session. Sometimes I feel worse, but not often, and if I do feel worse it's usually because we focused on something I needed to but didn't want to think about... but then my therapist always gives me tools to help with those feelings.

You should be getting homework each time in therapy, to make you feel power over your life and in control, and to be using tools to help you when you DO wean off your meds. There is no reason to see a pdoc more than once every couple of months for meds mgmt. What you need is a great therapist.

[Shantimama]

The person who prescribes your medication does not have to be the same person who offers you therapy. If you feel that you need therapy, ask around and find someone whose approach you like and try working with them. You can still see this (or find another) psychiatrist to manage your medication. Not every therapist is a good fit with every client. Not every psychiatrist is also a good psychotherapist.

Therapy has been extremely helpful to me, although also extremely difficult many times. I have to add that it is difficult because of the things I am working on, not because of the relationship between me and my therapist. I have never felt berated or belittled in therapy.

As long as you are being cilvil and using common courtesy, it isn't your job to worry about your therapist's feelings. If she isn't the right person to help you then you should feel free to move on to someone else. Every good therapist knows that they aren't the best fit for every client.

You mentioned that this was a psychiatrist your parents found for you when you were in high school. There is nothing wrong with wanting to search for someone who better meets your needs as an adult. You do not owe this doctor anything other than common courtesy and you do owe it to yourself to get the best care possible.

[Oubliette8]

I agree with the PP. It sounds like she isn't meeting your needs as a therapist. You have every right to change. Actually, I'm a bit surprised that you found a pdoc who also does therapy at all. In my area, pdocs stick almost exclusively to meds. They also don't tend to have nearly as much training in psychotherapy as other types of therapists do.

Is she supportive of you going off your meds? If she is, you might consider using her to help you get off them. Since the relationship is already established, it might just be easier to do that for your meds. Then you shouldn't need a local pdoc because you arent on medication. If you feel you need it later, you can find one then. Otherwise, you'd have to locate a new pdoc, make sure they were on board with discontinuing meds, they might want to get to know you for awhile before they get on board with it, and then really, once your off, what do you need them for anymore? If, however your current pdoc is NOT supportive of you discontinuing meds, and you want off, then by all means, you should find a doctor who will help you do this.

As far as therapy, I'd recommend locating a local therapist. Get some recommendations- friends or your medical doctor may have ideas. Make up a short list of questions to ask- you say alternative treatments interest you, so I'd include asking if they are supportive of that or have experience. You also want to go unmedicated, so I'd be sure to ask about that as well, some therapists are very supportive of that, and other really push for medications. Then call around. Ask the therapist your questions over the phone and use their answers to make a short list. Be sure to pay attention to their general demeanor, how comfortable you feel talking to them etc as well. Once you have it narrowed down somewhat, if you can, make an appointment with a few different therapists. Use the session to interview them, see how their style fits with your expectations etc. Then, pick your favorite, and give that one a go.

You don't always find the right fit on the first try. I've been through um, 4 or 5 therapists before finding my current one. So if the first doesn't work, don't give up! Its a bit like finding a new coffee shop- you ask around, try a few out. Once youve seen whats available, you settle on your favorite one. If you hate the service or the coffee, you don't go back. And if, say, you've been using one shop and once day they give you a bad cup, you might try to work through it or give them a few more chances. But if it doesn't get remedied, well, there are other coffee shops out there.

To answer your question, traditional therapy has done quite a lot for me. I'm not done yet, but I've worked through so many issues and grown quite a bit since I started. A few times, it has saved my life. It hasn't always been easy, sometimes its been quite hard. And the nature of the beast is that sometimes you do feel worse after sessions. But my therapists respects me and my choices and has always tried to help to the best of his abilities. Sometimes we have issues with the relationship, but we always work them out.

That said, therapy isn't for everyone, and if you don't want it or don't see the value in it, then it probably isn't going to help much. If its something you want though, and it sounds like it is, then there should be the right therapist for you out there. It sounds like you just haven't found them yet.

[journeymom]

she was the psychiatrist my parents found for me in high school... I don't feel like we have a great relationship.

Most definitely you should have an adult to adult relationship instead of being stuck in patterns of adult to teenager relationship. That's the opposite of helpful, it's holding you back.

Go back and read your post again. You demonstrate great insight into your situation. You're already doing some excellent self-therapy.

Has traditional therapy actually helped me? Yes, but only recently. I'm 41 y.o., have had 7 therapists over 24 years. None of them were particularly helpful till the most recent one. She happens to be my psychiatrist, but that's coincidental.

1) I finally found a combination of medications that worked (well enough) for me.

2) I've been doing 'self therapy' for as long as I can remember, and had been making progress on my own.

3) I got picky with the therapists and if someone didn't seem right I dropped them. It's strictly business.

4) I vowed not to worry about what she thinks about what I'm saying, not worry if she's getting bored or frustrated because I'm not making progress. She's also savvy enough to know that women do this sometimes, and would challenge me not to project, not to assume she's looking down on me or is frustrated with me.

I suggest you look into different kinds of therapy. Many people have success with cognitive behavioral therapy. I'm doing dynamic therapy.

During the course of development, children establish complex relationships with key people, particularly parents, which include attachment and the meeting of a variety of needs which change over time. When such needs are not met or where the relationship is broken, the potential is there for the repetition, avoidance or idealisation of equivalent subsequent relationships through the phenomenon of transference.

So, yes, I actually sit on the couch and talk about my relationship with my mother. It's been helpful, but only because I'm being very honest with myself, willing to explore. It wasn't going to help until I dispensed with some unhelpful assumptions: it's all navel gazing, woo-woo stuff. It's silly and wasteful to sit on a couch and talk about your childhood relationship with your mother. I'm lazy. I'm weak. I should be able to get on with it.

When I was willing to just explore the possibility that my past is causing my present, very real problems, then I started making progress.

When I finally accepted that I was worth the effort, rather than feeling sheepish about wanting help, I started making progress.

However, Magelet, I'd completely understand if you wanted to take a break from therapy!! You've had a lot of misplaced loyalty, feelings of obligation, feelings of "should" with this therapist. That's not helpful, is even harmful. Therapy can be very helpful, but only if it's a good fit. If you find a therapist someday that you like, you might even discuss your experience with this current therapist, because I imagine you have some feelings of resentment that need exploring.