Final court hearing

[Avani]

Yesterday was my final custody hearing. So with my restraining order my ex was given alternate weekends from Fri 3:30-Sunday 5 unsupervised where i live. Then he was given all of spring break whether where i live or where he lives but he pays all travel expenses. Nothing was ordered for holidays or summer break specifically. The judge said if father wanted more he would have to take me back to court. I feel ok about it but still baffled that my ex broke several of the court agreements originally and was still given unsupervised visits and overnights. My ex said he is finally enrolled in the batterer's program but we just found out he isn't. But that means we have to file separate contempt charges plus he still hasnt paid any child support so he is 5 months behind on that already. So after three years where he was supposed to have professionally supervised visits and he never visited or called once in three years he has now been given full weekends unsupervised and without having ever done the batterer's program. Amazing huh? An hour after the hearing the woman who my ex had an affair with while we were together and had a baby with last year went up to my lawyer. She told my lawyer that she had left him and was hiding from him with their baby. She said she was highly concerned about him having unsupervised visits with the children and that he needed anger management classes and mental health help. She also said he was trying to get into school to work in the mental health field but he was denied because of my restraining order (glad it's good for something!). My lawyer told her none of this information was helpful if she wasn't willing to testify or write a declaration and she said this conversation never happened and walked away. Sigh. If only she had the balls to stand up to him like i did. But she sees that she would have to spend years being tortured and court battles etc if she did. Not fun and the courts still essentially sided with him to a degree. I am thankful that he didn't get the full summer where he lives like he wanted and all holidays. Unfortunatley my lawyer said now we have to wait for something to happen to the children before we can go back to court. Sad huh? So this weekend will be the first. All i can do is pray he doesn't attempt to kidnap them or abuse them.

[Halfasianmomma]

oh avani...I'm so sorry that the judge passed that ruling. It just floors me how the courts can overlook a parents' blatantly bad parenting and/or dangerous tendencies and STILL grant that person the *right* to see their child.

[pranamama]

sad

hope your kids are ok... and stay that way

[Seie]

I'm so sorry. I seem to hear these stories all the time Sending lots and lots of thoughts. I hope he gets fed up with it really soon and finds out he really doesn't want to even bother with the visitation. Also hope noone gets hurt. Im so sorry for all of you. It sucks

[Avani]

It is really sad. Nothing i can do now. If he chooses to take the kids for spring break then he has to fly here to get them, fly back to his town and then fly them all back. That would be 6 airline tickets for a one week trip. Coming here for visits means paying for hotel, rental car and airline tickets. So we will see what he is capable of. Considering he has paid zero child supoort because he is unemployed who knows how he will pay for it, But for whatever reason men can get away without financially supporting their kids and abusing their spouses and still have visitation rights. My poor 2 year old has never been away from and doesnt know his father at all and will now have to spend the weekend and plus 9 days at spring break away from me. well we've all heard these stories right?

[MariesMama]

Is there a way for you to get a warrant against him for the back child support? In my area, they issue one when you are more than two months behind, and is enforceable by just calling the non-emergency police line. I didn't even need a lawyer for the CS issue since it didn't involve custody and was very cut and dried.

My ex has a warrant out for his arrest, and it has been fairly (100%) effective in preventing him from coming back to town.

[cycle]

If he is in contempt for not attending the batterers program your attorney should be able to file something that will delay the visitation beginning. Why is he not doing that?

[Avani]

We are filing contempt for that and for child support but first we have to wait for the judge to approve the petition and then i have to serve him with it. It will not delay his visitation. I can't delay it in any way that we can see. In this state once he is $5000 behind they will arrest him. We already are filing contempt now and he has another 2 months before he is $5000 in arrears. hopefully in time before the spring break visit.

[momof4peppers]

You know what Avani - I remember when you were first posting about your UAV of an ex. I am amazed at your strength and stamina. You have done absolutely everything you can. Good for you for being so strong. Your children are all very lucky to have you as a mother. May God bless all of your family as you navigate these next few months.

[sunflowers]

I also hope he gets tired of the trouble (getting the kids) and drops out. But until that happens, at least the littler ones will be there with the protection of their older sibs, YK? There is strength in numbers and family

[racheepoo]

OMG ... I am so, so sorry

[MissLotus]

Like a PP said, at least your littlest one won't be there alone, right? He will have the familiarity and safety of older siblings (not sure how much older they are), so that's something. I agree it's crazy that the man doesn't abide by the court's rulings (like the batterer's program) but that's still A-okay with the judge. BUT - thank God he didn't get summers, I remember that was a concern - and that you don't have to pay for travel. Those at least are big victories! And like you say, when you file for contempt for the other stuff, even if it's not happening right away, I really think he'll crash and burn and/or tire of the whole thing now that it's "settled" and he can't harrass you about it any more.

Really weird about the other mother. Here she is with all the concerns you had/have... but she won't do anything about it. You'd think she'd realize that since you BOTH have those concerns, you'd have more success banding together telling the court about his issues. I hope she comes around.