Residency.. what do do with the kids?

[audmommy]

I have an opportunity to go out of state for my residency and work with on of the leading Audiologists in the country in the area I want to specialize in. The problem is what to do with my DD who is 8.

I would be 3 hrs away from where we live. My residency is 9 months- 12 months. But, I think I could get it done in 9 months. I am planning to start this summer so I can take DS who is 6 mo and DD who is 8 with me ( I have child care set up for them both there).

The real dilemma is when the school year starts. I would basically miss one entire semester of DD's 3rd grade year. Granted, I would not work on Friday and be up every weekend with DS. DS would stay with me - he is still nursing. My DH is okay with all of this. I talked to my DD about it yesterday and she asked if she could attend a semester of school in this other city - rather than be apart from me.

DH is her step-dad, and her Dad - who lives in the town I need to do my residency in will be deployed overseas during this time.

Option 1 : take both babies with me - which I think could be stressfull on DD for one semester of school - but she is very outgoing etc.

Option 2 : take ds with me, and let dd do her semester at school here - I would be up every Friday + weekend.

To give a little more background - I currently pick her up and drop her off every day, she visits her bio-dad every other weekend.

Thanks for the input!! I am kind of torn with mommy guilt about both options. I could just do my residency here in town, but I have worked for 4 years to specialize in this area.. not that I won't ever get the experience again, having my residency with this particular Dr. would really be a huge benefit to my career. That being said, my dh's career is the one that pays the bills.

Angie

[bobandjess99]

I'd take her with you. She wants to go.

[3tammuz]

I would take her with you. At her age, they are pretty resilient. It is only short-term and she may make some friends in the area - that will be nice when she is visiting her dad.

[Drummer's Wife]

I would definitely take her with you. I think not having your mom around is a million times harder than switching schools for one semester. My DD is 8 as well and she would not be okay with being away for that long.

[pranamama]

Id take her with you also Maybe your husband will travel to visit you more than you travel back home...

[audmommy]

If I take her with me - I am sure my husband will be down every weekend to see me and the kids. I just worry about how much a short semester move would be for her - but yes, she did say she wants to come with me.

[~pi]

Originally Posted by 3tammuz

I would take her with you. At her age, they are pretty resilient. It is only short-term and she may make some friends in the area - that will be nice when she is visiting her dad.

And congrats on the great opportunity!

[c'est moi]

at her age, i would have been desperate to go with my mom and also would have given up my friends and school to make it happen. i think you should take her with you. if she ends up hating it, she can always go back to stay with your DH. nothing is permanent.

good luck!

[thriftyqueen]

Originally Posted by c'est moi

at her age, i would have been desperate to go with my mom and also would have given up my friends and school to make it happen. i think you should take her with you. if she ends up hating it, she can always go back to stay with your DH. nothing is permanent.

good luck!

My thoughts exactly!

[starling&diesel]

When I was eight, my mom got a job transfer in a town 8 hours away from where we were living. She thought it was best to leave me and go ahead as it was a few months before the end of the school year. I stayed with family friends. I wished she had taken me with her. To this day, I wish she had taken me with her. I missed her greatly, but never said so, as I didn't want her to feel bad.

So, my advice is to take her with you.

[rsummer]

Working in healthcare related fields, doing some time away from home at some point is almost the norm... I can't tell you how many of the fellows, male and female, at my work are living half way across the country from their children and spouses. I will be away from home during the week for 8 mos of my 30 month grad program. Its just kind of the way it works.

That being said, 1 semester is not so bad. My only concern is what are the demands going to be like on your time during the residency. Will you have time to care for your children and meet expectations at work? If so, take them with you... But if you anticipate 10-16 hour days, it might not be fair.

Also, I don't know if you have any sort of boards that you need to be studying for or anything, but a lot of the students at the program I am going to attend said that the time away from home was invaluable study time for boards, so that when they were at home, they could focus their attn. on their children and spouses, not just kind of half hearted while constantly thinking about what you should be getting done. Just a thought.

Whatever works for your family, I am sure you can do it!

[DCMama01]

Originally Posted by starling&diesel

When I was eight, my mom got a job transfer in a town 8 hours away from where we were living. She thought it was best to leave me and go ahead as it was a few months before the end of the school year. I stayed with family friends. I wished she had taken me with her. To this day, I wish she had taken me with her. I missed her greatly, but never said so, as I didn't want her to feel bad.

So, my advice is to take her with you.

DITTO! I went thru something similar and I missed my mommy at that age, but also kept my mouth shut. I knew she was doing the best she could, so I didn't want to make her feel bad.

[audmommy]

Originally Posted by rsummer

Will you have time to care for your children and meet expectations at work? If so, take them with you... But if you anticipate 10-16 hour days, it might not be fair.

My day will be an 8 hr slot. Audiology is definately not a 10 hr day kind of program. I will be there when we are seeing patients and that is typically a 40 hr work week, sometimes less.

Originally Posted by rsummer

Also, I don't know if you have any sort of boards that you need to be studying for or anything

This is a really good point. I can take my boards at any time so I might study and take it this semester so I don't have to try to study for my boards while doing the single parent thing.

Thanks for all of the great advice Mamas. Taking her with me would be more expensive, but I also would hate to leave her and have her stress about not being near me.