Who are the birthday parties for?

[malayasmommy]

I just had my daughter's 2nd birthday party this weekend, and it got me thinking...who was the birthday party for?
Certainly not for me...due to DD's peanut/tree nut allergy as well as a tomato allergy, I baked the cake as well as some other special food so my daughter could eat. Hubby and I work opposite schedules Mon-Fri, so this meant that a large part of one of our precious days was taken up by my cooking. The day of the party I spent most of the time refilling food trays, coordinating where the coats go, introducing people, etc.--the usual hostess duties. Definitely NOT spending much quality time with my girl! For her last 2 birthdays, I envisioned spending a special moment with her at the time she was born, just to celebrate that moment when she blessed us with so much. I was so exhausted that although I did recognize that moment, I didn't do much else.
My daughter enjoyed some of the party, but was quite overwhelmed. There were about 20 adults and 10 kids--all close family as well as friends of ours and their children who my daughter knows well. After opening 2 presents, I could tell she was done and she was stressed at needing to transition from one toy to the next, then the next, then the next, etc. Then, she didn't get a nap and ended up tired and slightly cranky.
On the other hand, all these people who were at the party are dear to me, and most of them know my daughter well. They are all people who love and care about her, and I love knowing that my daughter has a community of people who will care for her and watch her grow. It really warms my heart to know this.
I brought this question up to my mom, who was of course horrified at the idea of not having birthday parties in the future. It just doesn't seem right to me to have a birthday party to make my relatives happy, but maybe this is "one of those things" and she'll enjoy it in the future...? Does it get better after their 2nd birthdays, or should I think about not having one in the future? What are your experiences?
Thanks for reading this long post!!!!

[limette]

We don't do birthday parties here. The kids are 21 months and 4 years. Instead we make their birthday a special day for them to do whatever they want (excluding a party...lol).

For dd1's birthday we went to a kids play centre and then did crafts all day with her. I made her pancakes for breakfast, her favourite meal for supper and the cake that she requested. We did party decorations and balloons because she loves that kind of thing. Just me, dh and the kids.

DD2 is a little young for requests but when her birthday comes up in April I'll come up with an agenda of stuff that she likes to do (swimming) and meals that she loves.

Dh and I do the same for our birthdays. It's fun and personal without all the stress, hassel and show.

[Baby_Cakes]

I wouldn't have the party on her actual b-day! That way, her day is still special, and you can have a special time to bond like you want.
On a different day, have a party -- but keep it simple. Make sure it's after naptime!
Bake the cake the day before, along w/the food. Or see if you can just pick up food rather than having to cook!

I think once the kids are older it will be much more for them. Right now, it's for us to celebrate and come together. Make it easier on yourself so you can have fond memories!! <3

[MeAndVee]

We don't have parties in the sense that we invite people over. My parent's did come so it was just 5 of us. My mother was of the school of thought that you invite the same number of kids plus one as the age your child is turning and then the same hours as their age. So your daughter would have three friends and their parent/s and the party would last two hours. I know it is hard to leave people out but sometimes you need to think about the stress level on your child before other peoples' feelings. If your child is unhappy then it is no party anyway! You could have special collages printed up to pass to those who are special to you but you didn't invite. We went around this past bday and gave out little boxes with M&Ms in them printed with his picture.

I am not a party person and am uncomfortable in crowds. So it is souly just my opinion on how many folks come over!

[AnnaNova]

ive been thinking about it since my son's 1st bday is coming up on feb 1st (woohoo)... we are gonna do a party, but on a different day, that way his actual bday can be special ... because it is a celebration for me as much as it is for him and i dont want guests and party interfere with our special day.
it probably wouldnt be possible for us not to do a party, because we have a huge family and so many people are involved in his life... i think they'd get offended if they couldnt be a part of his celebration...
also, im probably just gonna make a cake and my husband will do ribs that he is famous for and then we'll ask other guests to bring sth... that way it is not too much strain on us, and thats how parties always are with my family, so people are not taken aback by the request...
im looking forward to the actual party though i m gonna put together a video with events of his first year and some games.
my concern is presents though he got so much stuff for xmas, i cant imagine getting more *stuff* i was thinking about asking people to give money that we could put into his savings, but a side of my thinks it will be tacky..

[Red Pajama]

We only do family parties so far. We invite grandparents, aunts and uncles who wish to come. It ends up being about 25 people including us. I will keep it very simple. We will do friend parties occasionally when they are older, but not every year.

A friend of mine with 4 children has decided to do friend parties 4 times per kid, starting the kindergarten year, and then every 4 years after. I think as long as you have a plan for what works for you, it's all good. But what you've described doesn't seem to be working for you.

[MadiMamacita]

Originally Posted by MeAndVee

My mother was of the school of thought that you invite the same number of kids plus one as the age your child is turning and then the same hours as their age.

what is the cutoff for this? does a 5 year old get a 5 hour party? I'm not sure i'm ready for a 27 hour party this year!

[pacificbliss]

His first birthday was for us, his parents. We celebrated with all our friends even though it was a monkey theme. The last two birthdays were for DS. we invited adults we like who have kids his age so we got to hang out with our friends and he had playmates. We don't invite too many kids. At his last party, Sunday, there were 4 kids his age plus some siblings. In our social circle the oldest siblings right now are 2-3. We had pizza, I baked a cake and we had a bouncy house. we celebrate his actual,birthday which is late December with just family. All in all it's pretty fun. All our friends are pretty much in agreement that it is not necessary to open presents in front of everyone at such a young age so we skip that and do it later. I know many will think this is rude but at 3 you don't get the reaction you expect and they quickly get overwhelmed. When DS opens a toy he wants to play with it, not move on.

I am sorry you and your DD did not have fun. I think you both might find a scaled back version more fun for now. when they are older I think they like the bigger parties.

[Artichokie]

we didn't have one for dd's first birthday and weren't going to for her second but then she started planning one so we are going with it. Her guest list is 20 adults and 4 kids. She wants the kids to come play for awhile and then she'd like enchiladas for supper. and lots of balloons. so that is what we are doing. We are having the kids over for about 45 min of play time. The kidless adults are welcome to skip that part and just come for supper.

[lifeguard]

There won't be birthday parties in this house (besides maybe a cake after dinner that night) until ds (& subsequent children) are old enough to really enjoy it & want it.

[elleystar]

My parents never threw huge birthday parties for us kids...still don't. (My youngest brother is 12, they still have 3 at home.) It was always just our nuclear family, and sometimes the set of grandparents who lived a few miles away. We'd get to pick what we wanted to eat for dinner and what kind of cake we got (all from scratch). Very low key. Did I go through a time when I wished to have big parties with friends? Sure. But my parents didn't have a spare cent for something like that and had no desire to host such a thing. And now I'm glad that I don't have birthday pictures full of people who I didn't know long or wasn't friends with long or no longer even remember. And the stressful memories that can come with those parties. All of my birthday memories are very relaxed and wonderful, where the focus truly was on me as the birthday girl. Instead of having one parent constantly frazzled trying to keep food flowing and guests happy, one child or another throwing a tantrum, random accident or drama taking attention away...you know what I mean!

My parents live pretty far away now and couldn't come for DS's first birthday. So we invited over our closest friends, a couple who have two DDs that our son knows very well. One is 7 and one is DS's same age. We just had dinner, a few gifts, and some hanging out and playtime. It was fantastic, DS had an absolute blast, and we all had such an enjoyable time with good memories that we still bring up! For his 2nd birthday we'll do the same.

That same couple likes to throw big birthday parties, 'themed' ones for the older DD, like having an indoor pool party. Loads of people invited. Every one we've ever attended has wound up being totally overwhelming, kids overtired and cranky, the birthday girl melting down at some point. Definitely reinforces for DH and I why we want to keep it small and simple.

Originally Posted by MoreThanApplesauce

we didn't have one for dd's first birthday and weren't going to for her second but then she started planning one so we are going with it. Her guest list is 20 adults and 4 kids. She wants the kids to come play for awhile and then she'd like enchiladas for supper. and lots of balloons. so that is what we are doing. We are having the kids over for about 45 min of play time. The kidless adults are welcome to skip that part and just come for supper.

I think that if you want to throw a good sized party, this is a WONDERFUL idea! Short and sweet, in the early evening so a good nap can be had first, party's over before anyone has a chance to get too overstimulated. Very cool!

[tbone_kneegrabber]

ds loved his bday party. We had on the weekend between his birthday and his bff's birthday (double birthday party). We had a brunch pot luck. probably throughout the day 30-50 people (not all at once). Serve yourself, get your own drink, introduce yourself.

Ds had a blast, went in and out of those house, played in the baby pool, with bubbles, and in the "sand box" (just an underbed storage with sand) with the other kids and adults. I got a little tipsy on mimosas. No gifts. No cake. (banana whips)

we plan on doing it the same way until he objects.

so "when he can enjoy it" was 2 (his first birthday we spent with his great grandmother who turned 100 the same day, her birthday trumped his!)

[sapphire_chan]

Originally Posted by MadiMamacita

what is the cutoff for this? does a 5 year old get a 5 hour party? I'm not sure i'm ready for a 27 hour party this year!

Really, around 5 the kids will start coming by themselves and there'll be less of a tendency to need to coordinate meals for whole families and deal with the party-lengthening chatter.

I think that Charlie and Lola had it right, have the kids dropped off after lunch, offer them a tea with cake a few hours in, then they head home for dinner.

[MeAndVee]

Originally Posted by MadiMamacita

what is the cutoff for this? does a 5 year old get a 5 hour party? I'm not sure i'm ready for a 27 hour party this year!

Hmmm...she never said. Sleep over? We really only had two parties each. There is 4 of us. Parties are great and everything but I don't see the point. DH on the other hand would invite every single person he has known for his entire life. Our wedding...50 from my side....200!!! from his.

Yes I know I am a party pooper

[flower01]

We did not have a party this year for our 2 year old. Partly because we moved and don't have any family around. But, it was SO nice. It was just the three of us and we did what we knew she'd love - spent an entire day at the park. We packed a picnic lunch, including 3 cupcakes. We opened a blanket in the grass and opened her present right there. We had such a great time...and afterwards talked about how much we loved not having a huge ordeal.

[boigrrrlwonder]

My DD still talks about her second birthday party. It stressed me a little, but she definitely immensely enjoyed it. That said, we had a much smaller party: just my parents, my grandmother, and my brother's girlfriend. This year, it'll be a little bigger: both sets of grandparents and maybe some of my brothers or my partner's brothers. Still, I prefer smaller parties, particularly for the early childhood years.