Pregnant with toddler; feeling hopeless

[laughymama]

I'm just really struggling right now. I turn 23 in a couple weeks and I am 8 weeks pregnant with my second child. My son is 19 months old.

I think this pregnancy is really getting to me. I'm so exhausted and SO grumpy. It's causing me to lose my patience with DS and I just feel so stressed all of the time. I haven't been able to cook for him lately so we've been doing lots of sandwiches, fresh fruits and veggies with dips..etc. The small apartment we live in for now is a mess and I get so tired so quickly when I clean. I'm beginning to feel inadequate. I have no idea how you moms of many do it. Being pregnant with a toddler has taken it's toll on me and I'm only 9 weeks along!

Now I'm dreading having a newborn and a toddler. I just don't know how it will work, you know? It's difficult for me to picture how I'm going to keep it all together everyday without our household being total chaos and me being a grumpy, mean mama.

DS is still very young and I'm usually very laid back and can take the bad days with all the screaming and crankiness but yesterday I really just lost it. I started crying and told DH when he got home that I just wish DS would LISTEN. I know that's a totally ridiculous and unrealistic thing to wish for. He's still so young and he's not doing anything other than being curious and exploring and learning but I'm just so tired of trying to redirect and redirect and I feel like a broken record. I guess I'm just feeling like it's not helping at all.

I feel like I just have no idea how to raise a child all of the sudden. I feel like...I'm just doing it all wrong and that I have no clue what I'm doing anymore. Now I'm so anxious about having two little ones and it's a completely overwhelming thought to me.

My husband has been wonderful but we're also working through some very serious issues we're having so I think that added stress just piles onto the everyday things. I just want to cry.

I'm just not feeling like a good mama at all this week. I honestly don't know how you mamas do it while pregnant. Does it get easier once the first trimester is over? How on earth do you cook, clean and keep your toddler from killing themselves while having a newborn?

My son is such a JOY. We just find so much happiness in him but he's VERY active and it's beginning to really wear me down trying to keep him stimulated every day. Right now he's winding down for his nap by watching Finding Nemo. I feel awful for just sitting him in front of the television but I feel so hopeless and really needed a few minutes of peace.

I think I just need some words of wisdom and some encouragement from you ladies.

[scottishmommy]

Some words of encouragement! Your son will be much easier to take care of by the time your baby is here. 7 months is a long time in terms of development for a toddler. I think that the first trimester is the worst part of pregnancy. Of course you're tired! Give yourself a break. Don't clean. Seriously, just don't. Do laundry and dishes. Other than that let it go until you are feeling better. You're being too hard on yourself. Honestly, I think that moms of many are just really realistic. They can see things for what they are. Accept that you are overwhelmed right now and take a break.
Also, I would seriously consider baby proofing your home, so you don't have to constantly redirect your son. Take anything you don't want him to get and put it somewhere high. Your apartment will look weird for a while, but it's so worth it. My living room is completely baby friendly, so I can sit and relax while my dd explores. I never have to worry about her pulling something over or hurting herself. It looks insane in here, not messy, just weird!
And finally, having a toddler and being pregnant is going to be hard on your marriage. Marriage takes a lot of work, and you just don't have time to work on it right now! I don't know what else to say other than it's hard, but it'll get better.

[AustinMom]

YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!! My son is 18 months and I am 7 weeks preg. Morning sickness has kicked in so I bought some ginger today, I plan on carrying a slice around with me all day to aide it.

Any who. I know it's hard I'm exhausted all the time. ALL the time. I don't think I fully wake up till about.....oh3:00pm or so!? yeah. This is what I have done, call me a bad mom or whatever, but I do what I can to get by.....He wakes up around 7:30-8am, I bring him in my bed with sippy cup of milk, bowl of cheerios (no milk of course) and a couple crackers. Any treats will work. He lays in bed with me and plays, etc, eats, drinks, whatever while I doze. I close all the doors, and have toys in there as well. We finally get out of bed at around 10ish, I eat, he plays, we have the your baby can read program, so he watches that (it's only about 20 min or so) I pick up here and there. Anytime we play with a toy, we put it back. he's learned if he gets something out, to put it back. Noon, we nap for about 1-2 hr. (that just recently started and I am so thankful). After we wake up, I am usually feel less nauseated, so we read books, build with blocks etc. I have found if I spend a few un interrupted minutes with him, he's less clingy throughout the day. Around 5-6 I start dinner, hubby gets home, and baby goes to bed at 8:00 every night.

I don't do too much with cleaning/cooking etc. I feel I'm spending enough energy making ANOTHER HUMAN BEING, I should give my body a break. .

I hope it gets easier as the first trimester ends.....I'll hopefully not want to throw up everyday till 4 or so!

[mommariffic]

to all that are pregnant

I'm rolling into my second trimester now, but I'm still exhausted. DD is a very active 2 and while she does well playing independently now, there are still days where I need to rest or I will just drop, really. I also feel not so motivated sometimes to do things and I'm still getting a bit sick so..I feel you! It's tough!

Do you have anyone who can help? A friend/family who can give you a few hours a week to rest and just BE pregnant? What about DH? And, don't feel guilty about not getting enough done...without rest you are going to have a grumpy fetus, and you will be more overwhelmed. Put on a video, relax, and let it slide for now. I swear it gets better -- the first trimester I barfed/cried but now while I'm not 100% yet, I'm not THAT sick anymore

[AustinMom]

Most of my relatives live far away, so I would have to "schedule" them to come, and it's not like I can "schedule" my morning sickness. I wish I could! Hubby talks about taking FMLA, but we can't afford that right now, especially with no insurance coverage for HB. We just do what we can, this morning my lo, wrote all over the back of the couch with a ball point pen, and I don't know if I care right now.

[GAjenn]

The house be darned!!!! Take a nap whenever you can. I am due in March and DD will be 22 months. Sometimes when I am doing something I start to worry how it will all work with a baby on top of everything. My husband has put her to bed/slept in her room for the last two nights to help out. You would not believe the difference 2 extra hours of not being responsible for her makes! We can do this!!!!!

[Chicky2]

Originally Posted by laughymama

How on earth do you cook, clean and keep your toddler from killing themselves while having a newborn?

Well, you don't cook as much as possible, you only clean what is totally necessary, and childproof, childproof, childproof. Seriously, the lunch you described sounds perfect! Easy and healthy and yummy! He can totally eat that kind of stuff each and every day. You can mix it up a bit, and keep easy stuff on hand so all you have to do is assemble, instead of cook.

Only do dishes and laundry and have hubby vacuum and do the bathroom(s) on his day off. Get all the stuff he (baby, not dh, lol) can't have out of there! Make use of baby gates and outlet covers and make a space where you can relax and know he is safe so he can enjoy freedom to explore. I have a friend whose whole living room (ok, whole house) is STILL funky-looking w/all the stuff way up high, but that's how she's able to get anything done.

Take advantage of any friends or family you have. If they will help watch your ds while you nap, puke, whatever, just an hour once a week will help. If one of them can cook you a meal once in awhile, let them!

Use a crockpot for suppers, and eat more convenience stuff (as healthy as possible, though! You don't want that placenta comin' out w/a Sonic receipt on it!) for awhile.

Just survive. The first 3 mos after the new one arrives will just be a time of trying to balance it all, and letting the new baby fall into some sort of routine. Give yourself a big ole break and realize that no one else who's pregnant w/a toddler has a sparkling clean home and gourmet meals on the table either.

[darcytrue]

I had a lot of the same feelings during the first trimester of my last pregnancy. The morning sickness really got me and I was depressed for at least 3 month of the beginning of the pregnancy. I felt I didn't know what I was going to do either. I did start feeling better as the m/s cleared up and the pregnancy got farther along. I hope you do as well.

[Guinevere]

First off, s -- I've been there, I know how hard it is, and just wanted to offer you my support and sympathy.

Secondly, as I read your post title, I was thinking immediately to myself, "OMG! She's pg with a TODDLER? That's physically impossible! Not to mention darned uncomfortable!" I'd be feeling hopeless too if I had a walking baby gestating inside me. Tee hee. Okay, so it's entirely possible I need another cup of coffee! Just wanted to make you smile...

Guin

[my_baby_love]

Oh, hugs to you, mama. I remember feeling that same way when I was pregnant with DS2.

I found it helped to lower my expectations. I didn't need a sparkling clean house, or fancy meals, or a perfect day every day. I also decided that TV wasn't entirely evil, it was actually one of those things that was a great tool sometimes when I just needed to sit down for a while. We also got out of the house quite a bit so we weren't sitting around with me losing my patience with DS all day long. On the days where I could clean and cook dinner, I did, but I didn't worry about it so much.

Your older child will grow up so much in the next seven months or so, and a newborn will sleep most of the day while you figure out how to have two little ones in the house. A good baby carrier was a life-saver with a toddler and a newborn! I could still interact with DS1 while DS2 slept or nursed in the sling. You can survive this pregnancy and having two babes!

[claddaghmom]

Hi!!! I'm 23 too! You're not alone!


It seems the house is allllwaaays messy. It's really depressed me b/c I am an organized person and dirty environments stress me simply by existing.

So I have started to contain the mess. I am eliminating any and all clutter. I cleared out the whole living room and made it DD only. She can toss all the toys she wants everywhere, but then all I have to do it toss them into a big toy box, and put some bigger toys and books on a little shelf. The end.

Also, have you considered cooking at night? When DH gets home I cook meals for the next day and leave them in the fridge. B/c so far morning sickness feelings for me have stayed in the morning. So that takes care of that. And really, a veggie platter is nothing to be feel bad about. I just saw in the Parenting magazine that only 70% of toddlers get a veggie a day. HOLY CARP! LOL I feel sorry for those kids.

Is there a teen who could help? Maybe you can barter...agree to drive the teen around to a teen function in return for babysitting while you take a nap or shower. At least, that is what I'm doing with my teen sister. She cleans and watches DD for a little while so I can do school and shower. Then I drive her around to her million places to be. (Teens!! lol)

TBH a newborn and toddler isn't worrying me that much b/c DH is lining up his vacation and FMLA. And I feel lilke the newborn time was such a relaxing time as a family. What I am worried about is the last trimester. I have terrible injuries from gymnastics and was basically disabled for a month before birth. As in, I couldn't go to the bathroom without assistance. Now, a toddler with that? brrrrr

[gcgirl]

I hear you. I'm in my last tri and have a 25-month-old at home; my anxiety is through the roof right now. My patience is low, I'm suddenly afraid of labor where I wasn't before, I can't seem to stop thinking about everything that could go wrong, and I feel like I can barely deal with the day-to-day. I feel ill-prepared for labor because I don't have the time to myself that I need to relax and prepare myself. It feels like everything is just coming at me.

The first tri was HARD, too. Harder than this, actually. I was SO exhasusted, but DS wouldn't sleep, and I ended up crying a lot, and also drinking caffeine, which I normally wouldn't do much while pregnant, but I didn't know how else to keep up.

Hang in there! After the first tri, I bet things will get better. I felt very bleak at that point, and even with all I'm going through now, it's STILL better than those first 12 weeks.

[rightkindofme]

I have a 19 month old and I'm 8 weeks pregnant. My house is very very very well toddler proofed. I am lucky because we have an "office" that is being used as a storage room for everything I don't want her to get. That room is inaccessible to her and everything else is fair game. I don't cook anymore because by the time I cook it I can't eat it. So my husband is cooking on the weekends--a couple of really big meals and we eat that throughout the week. Love my husband.

Give yourself slack. I have days where I lie on the couch mostly comatose while my toddler wreaks havoc around me. It's ok. This too shall pass. I keep reminding myself that there are no prizes handed out for cleanest house. I am keeping patience with my daughter by trying to create a house environment that is full of 'yes' and very little 'no'. It's helped us a lot.

[Storm Bride]

I find being home with a newborn and the other kids tough - but not as tough as being pregnant with the older kids. It varies from person to person, but my last few pregnancies have just been utterly exhausting. I always find it the worst in the first trimester, too.

[Headmeister]

I'm chiming in because I'm 12w pg with a 16 month old DD and I totally know where you're at right now...

Just to make you feel more normal:

I have severe (not Hyperemesis though) morning sickness that has me on Zofran, which only takes the edge off. I get very ill just smelling cooked foods (meats mostly) so we've been doing tons of take-out. I work F/T and so does DH, and he helps a ton, but I'm still the one my DD wants 100% of the time. I get up at 6 with her, get her breakfast cooked/made, pack up her lunch, get myself taken care of (barely) and DH takes her to daycare. DH picks her up and then as soon as I get home he still has work he has to do from home every night, so I take care of her while making food (read: ordering in or making something for her that is non-cook). Then bath, pj's, books, nursing (yeah, we're still nursing on top of all of it) and put her to bed which can be a real struggle sometimes. Then I go to bed at the same time because I'm so exhausted (8pm). Best part is that she is teething and is up 3-4x/night screaming (even with Motrin) which I handle while DH sleeps. On the nights I'm jsut about to put my head through a wall, I wake him up and make him deal with it, but when I do I usually can't get back to sleep anyway so I figure it's a moot point getting him u0p at all.

I barely clean... I rarely have time and when I do, I'm using it to either take care of someone or sleep. DH does all laundry and dishes. The bathroom gets done when absolutely needed. I vacuum when I feel up to it, DH vacuums when it's past the point of needing to be done if I haven't done it already. Weekend are spent making the house "barely livable" and running errands. We have no help anywhere within an hour of us so we're on our own.

To say I have no patience, energy, etc is a huge understatement. I've often wondered what I was thinking when I thought I could handle a toddler and a newborn... hell, I still wonder it...lol. The only reason I haven't cried about it yet is because with this pregnancy I've been congested since day 1 and I know if I cry, it only makes that aspect of it more miserable...lol (and I even tell DH this too...lol).

You are not alone, mama. I always said I wished I was younger because I thought I'd have more energy (I'm 39) but after reading your post, I guess age doesn't really matter... Hugs to you mama, I'm sorry you're feeling this way, I totally understand...

[Grace and Granola]

Chill mama! You are going to be fine. I completely shared your feelings when I was pregnant with ds2 and had a 9 month old. I felt like the once awesome mama I had been was gone forever. This is just a short season that you need to get through. And you will!

Remember that by the time you have your new baby, your ds will be over 2yo and that's a huge difference! He will be talking more and communicating better, probably listening more and he'll be interested in helping.

As far as getting through the rough part of pregnancy...if you're feeling sick, think of some things you can do with your ds while lying in your bed or on the couch. You can read lots and lots of books if you feel up to it. You can lay on the couch/floor and zoom trucks on the floor with your ds.

Do not feel guilty about the perfectly nutritious lunches your are feeding your toddler A whole foods diet is delicious, nutritious and convenient!

Once the baby comes, life might be hectic, but you'll manage because you are the mama! Remember how much newborns sleep (theoretically) and when they're not sleeping they are very portable.

TV...do not feel guilty about using the tv to help you out. I was bound and determined not to let my child watch tv until I became pregnant when he was 7 months old! There were plenty of times we watched tv in my bed. I liked interacting with him during the shows. Just because he's watching tv, doesn't mean that you can't watch with him and talk about what he's seeing and learning. There was a time when I was 9 mos pregnant with a 17mo and dh was out of town...ds got the stomach flu...we watched tv for three straight days! He turned out just fine. Your ds will be fine too. Also, after the new babe came along, I would pop in one of those baby einstein videos while I nursed. DS1 would sit and watch the different objects pop up on the screen and I would name them for him. We were still interacting, but it got him to sit still for a minute so I could peacefully nurse my newborn. I think TV can be a good tool especially if you are participating with your child.

Hang in there!

[Krisis]

Originally Posted by Chicky2

You don't want that placenta comin' out w/a Sonic receipt on it!

omg. So THAT'S what that was when I had Toby...

Mama, I too am 23 and I was just thinking to myself THIS MORNING that I don't know how you brave ones do it. Toby is almost 2 and oh my gosh, I don't know how I would possibly survive with a newborn/pregnancy right now. You are very brave and very strong. Just hang in there, and good luck.

And honestly posts like this make it much easier for me, since I can't have any more babies. I remember what it was like with my pregnancy, and I get super relieved. Thank G-d I am done, I totally am not strong enough to be pregnant with a toddler

[BarnMomma]

SO was just there. Now I'm 16 wks with a 2.5 yr old. But let me tell you, that first trimester ahd me weeping on a dialy basis. And I actually passed out on the floor of the den one afternoon while playign with DS and woek up an hour later. YIKES! Thank god DS was content to just continue with his play. I went through daily bouts of why why why did I try to get pregnant? My husband thought i had lost my mind I was so grouchy.

And then one day the fog lifted.

[AnnieNimIty]

I can commiserate. I am 24, I have a 21 month old DD and am in my third trimester.

Originally Posted by AustinMom

I don't do too much with cleaning/cooking etc. I feel I'm spending enough energy making ANOTHER HUMAN BEING, I should give my body a break. .

That! ^ And I am lucky enough to have a hubby who realizes how hard growing humans are.

Originally Posted by Chicky2

You don't want that placenta comin' out w/a Sonic receipt on it!) for awhile.

mmmmm.... sonic..... I live where there is no sonic...

Originally Posted by claddaghmom

Is there a teen who could help? Maybe you can barter...agree to drive the teen around to a teen function in return for babysitting while you take a nap or shower. At least, that is what I'm doing with my teen sister. She cleans and watches DD for a little while so I can do school and shower. Then I drive her around to her million places to be. (Teens!! lol)

Totally! Ask for help, hire help, barter for help. I just moved and am 37 weeks along. I could not have done it if it weren't for my friends and the people at church who helped us pack, move and clean.

Originally Posted by rightkindofme

Give yourself slack. I have days where I lie on the couch mostly comatose while my toddler wreaks havoc around me. It's ok. This too shall pass. I keep reminding myself that there are no prizes handed out for cleanest house. I am keeping patience with my daughter by trying to create a house environment that is full of 'yes' and very little 'no'. It's helped us a lot.

I am going to use this for myself lol.

I think the first 2-3 kids are the hardest, then 4 + are pretty much old hat.
Well, I will know when I hit that point haha.
I hope you are gentle with yourself this pregnancy. Stuff doesn't have to be perfect.
I think when things level out that finding a routine will make everything seem much much easier.

[mommy2two babes]

I am 25 and number 3 is 2 mos now.
I agree with the PPs not to worry about the house right now.
Honestly things might be chaos for quite sometime but you make it through and do what you can when you can.
Sandwiches, fruit, and veggies with dip are perfect for right now.
At the begining of my last preg DH was cooming home and cooking dinner because I couldn't stomach cooking.

Same goes after baby do what you can when you can and try not to stress about problems that have not even happened yet. Try to take things as they come.

DD was 13 mos when I got pregnant with DS1 and I was worried that I wouldn't be able to carry them both. I bought a double stroller and discovered that it wasn't an issue at 23 mos when DS1 was born.
It only got used a hand ful of times.

A sling is an invalable tool when number 2 needs to be held or fed and you need hands free to do stuff with number 1 or cook clean ect.

Try not to stress I am sure you will do great.