This started out as a reply to someone else's thread, but became so rambling and off-topic that I decided to make it its own thread.
If you read nothing else, not a single word, read this sentence: It is very, very likely that your child's teacher loves your child.
Not in a bad, creepy way. Not in the same way a parent loves her child. In the way that a teacher who has dedicated her life to teaching young people loves ALL of his students.
Teaching is an epic balancing act of need-meeting. You have the needs of the student who doesn't have a safe place to sleep, and might just need to nap in the library corner (before someone shouts it: yes, proper authorities have been notified). You have the needs of the child who is three years ahead of her age-peers. You have the needs of the child who is learning disabled. You have the needs of the child who is three years ahead of his age peers AND learning disabled. You have the needs of the child whose only experience with discipline in the home has been of the punitive sort. You have the needs of the child who has been lovingly and appropriately guided. You have the needs of the child who has been given free reign over her household.
Should the child who doesn't have a safe place to sleep be allowed to sleep in school? Should the child who just made a bad choice and stayed up until 3am playing video games? How do you explain the difference to the students? The parents?
If a child's ONLY experience with discipline is with the punitive, non-logical sort, it is difficult (not impossible, but difficult) to make it work for six and a half hours out of the day with 20+ students. There is little we can do to undo damage caused by abuse, neglect, or trauma. We become experts in damage control. The idea of proactive "avoiding situations where the problem can arise" is laughably difficult when the problems start (and continue) outside of school hours. A child who saw his mother hit the night before becomes a bully. Another parent requests her child not be near that bully during small-group work (a reasonable parent request). Child is moved to... a different group whose parents don't call and complain? To the teacher's desk to work alone? To an isolated time-out room? To a program for special needs students? We love our students, but don't have the advantage of just loving ONE of them.
Parents need to be advocates for their children. Strong, vocal advocates. ADVOCATES, not ADVERSARIES. Teachers are advocates... but we're advocates for 20 students. I'd take a bullet for my students. Even the "problem" ones. But a classroom isn't a home-school. In the best of situations, compromises need to occur.
What about when what you WANT to do, as a gentle, AP type JUST DOESN'T WORK in a large-scale classroom environment? We go in with lofty ideals and plans to feed our students dried fruit and purified holy water and edible sunshine... only to find that they go to their lockers to sneak a swig of Coca-Cola and a handful of Doritos. What happens when you get, over the course of a single week, one parent accusing you of giving too much homework, and another of giving too little (and the homework is all optional extension work to begin with)? You can say that Parent A's child doesn't have to do it, and send home extra for Parent B's child, but this stands as an example of the balancing act.
Just remember. It is very likely that your child's teacher loves your child. Yes, sometimes you need to negotiate to get your child's needs met. Occasionally, yes, you may need to go all Chuck Norris and initiate a pedagogical throw-down that will go down in the Annals of Parent-School relations. If you need to, then go for it. I'll have your back and even tell you about all the little inside ways to get what you need. But please please please pretty please with a cherry on top don't start there. Because we love your kid. And all the other kids. We're really trying to do what's best for them. If you think something else might help us meet their needs better, then PLEASE tell us. Help us. You know your kid so much better than we do. But tell us as a member of a team (parent-child-teacher). How can WE solve the problem?
Because we love your kid, and want what's best.
Annnnnnnd... there went my lunch hour. Sorry if it's disjointed and ridiculous. I'm operating on five hours sleep after a 36 hour airline travel experience, alone, with a toddler.
If you read nothing else, not a single word, read this sentence: It is very, very likely that your child's teacher loves your child.
Not in a bad, creepy way. Not in the same way a parent loves her child. In the way that a teacher who has dedicated her life to teaching young people loves ALL of his students.
Teaching is an epic balancing act of need-meeting. You have the needs of the student who doesn't have a safe place to sleep, and might just need to nap in the library corner (before someone shouts it: yes, proper authorities have been notified). You have the needs of the child who is three years ahead of her age-peers. You have the needs of the child who is learning disabled. You have the needs of the child who is three years ahead of his age peers AND learning disabled. You have the needs of the child whose only experience with discipline in the home has been of the punitive sort. You have the needs of the child who has been lovingly and appropriately guided. You have the needs of the child who has been given free reign over her household.
Should the child who doesn't have a safe place to sleep be allowed to sleep in school? Should the child who just made a bad choice and stayed up until 3am playing video games? How do you explain the difference to the students? The parents?
If a child's ONLY experience with discipline is with the punitive, non-logical sort, it is difficult (not impossible, but difficult) to make it work for six and a half hours out of the day with 20+ students. There is little we can do to undo damage caused by abuse, neglect, or trauma. We become experts in damage control. The idea of proactive "avoiding situations where the problem can arise" is laughably difficult when the problems start (and continue) outside of school hours. A child who saw his mother hit the night before becomes a bully. Another parent requests her child not be near that bully during small-group work (a reasonable parent request). Child is moved to... a different group whose parents don't call and complain? To the teacher's desk to work alone? To an isolated time-out room? To a program for special needs students? We love our students, but don't have the advantage of just loving ONE of them.
Parents need to be advocates for their children. Strong, vocal advocates. ADVOCATES, not ADVERSARIES. Teachers are advocates... but we're advocates for 20 students. I'd take a bullet for my students. Even the "problem" ones. But a classroom isn't a home-school. In the best of situations, compromises need to occur.
What about when what you WANT to do, as a gentle, AP type JUST DOESN'T WORK in a large-scale classroom environment? We go in with lofty ideals and plans to feed our students dried fruit and purified holy water and edible sunshine... only to find that they go to their lockers to sneak a swig of Coca-Cola and a handful of Doritos. What happens when you get, over the course of a single week, one parent accusing you of giving too much homework, and another of giving too little (and the homework is all optional extension work to begin with)? You can say that Parent A's child doesn't have to do it, and send home extra for Parent B's child, but this stands as an example of the balancing act.
Just remember. It is very likely that your child's teacher loves your child. Yes, sometimes you need to negotiate to get your child's needs met. Occasionally, yes, you may need to go all Chuck Norris and initiate a pedagogical throw-down that will go down in the Annals of Parent-School relations. If you need to, then go for it. I'll have your back and even tell you about all the little inside ways to get what you need. But please please please pretty please with a cherry on top don't start there. Because we love your kid. And all the other kids. We're really trying to do what's best for them. If you think something else might help us meet their needs better, then PLEASE tell us. Help us. You know your kid so much better than we do. But tell us as a member of a team (parent-child-teacher). How can WE solve the problem?
Because we love your kid, and want what's best.
Annnnnnnd... there went my lunch hour. Sorry if it's disjointed and ridiculous. I'm operating on five hours sleep after a 36 hour airline travel experience, alone, with a toddler.
)
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