I need these kids out of my bed

[oceanbaby]

I'm putting this here instead of the family bed forum because my kids are older, and we are DONE with the family bed! My kids are 8 and 5yo, and have been sleeping in their own beds for years. Ds2 for a long time would get up in the night and crawl in with us and go to sleep. Fine - I didn't even notice and it didn't interrupt my sleep. As he got bigger this changed, so dh started moving him back to his bed where he would sleep until morning.

Well now, not only is ds2 coming back to our bed 2, 3, 4 times a night, but now ds1 is all of a sudden coming into our bed, and I am going nuts. I haven't had a good night's sleep in months. I'm not even supposed to be awake right now, but ds1 came in and started whispering and fidgeting. He CANNOT stop. We have been through this with him before, and trying to get him to be quiet and still turns into negotiations, arguments, etc., which is the opposite of what we're trying to achieve - sleep!

We're all tired. The kids are waking each other up, dh and I are exhausted.

Help!

[mommy2two babes]

I still think that you may be able to get some useful feedback from the family bed and nighttime parenting forum.
Have you talked to them to ask why they are comming in?

[Cherry Alive]

Do they share a bedroom? Maybe they'd stay put if they shared a room or bed together?

[One_Girl]

Have you talked to them about this and asked for their solutions? Kids this age can offer some ideas and suggestions. If you reassure them that you want to be with them but you are just to tired to have them in the bed lately because you are sleeping badly they may be happier to help come up with solutions to keep them out of your bed at night. Are they watching a lot of scary movies lately? Do they have enough blankets to keep them warm at night? I notice that my dd comes into my room after watching a movie that is too scary for her to really handle. Being cold is something that wakes me up at night and it may also be waking your kids if it is cold in your area, it can get really cold between the time the heater goes off and comes on again.

[VisionaryMom]

Not that it's helpful, but DS, who will be 5 this weekend, has recently started coming back into our room. He'd slept mostly in his room since he was around 3, but he now wants to sleep in our room. DH moves him before he goes to bed, but he almost always comes back.

We are cutting out media. I think that's some of it, but I also think some of the problem for our DS is that he's in preschool now. He needs some time to feel "babied," (not that he'd EVER admit that ) since he's going to "big kid" school now. I think it's really about needing to reconnect. Perhaps your older son is doing it because your younger started doing it. I'd probably focus on the younger one since he's apparently doing it more often.

[rere]

Do you have room to make a bed on the floor?You could tell them they are welcome to sleep on the kid bed if they wake up in the middle of the night.

[velochic]

Our dd will be 8 in Feb. She has never spent a night in her own bed. Not even one second of one night. She has her own room and a nice big bed, decorated as she likes it. No dice. The Family Bed Forum is no use, TBH, for such old co-sleepers because everybody there is discussing their infants and toddlers, not older children. I can see why you put it here. Makes much more sense.

How big is your bed? The only solution I can think of is that if you have room, set up a palette on the floor next to your bed. Tell the kids that they are welcome to come in and sleep on that, but they are NOT to get into bed and wake you up. Make sure it's comfy and cozy every night and see if that keeps them out of the bed.

All of that being said, dh is from a culture where co-sleeping is the NORM, not the exception. He thinks that dd should be accommodated in every way until she is ready to sleep on her own. She is a snuggler and I just think she doesn't want to sleep alone. It makes sense. Some people like to sleep alone and others don't. You can't change a kid's personality.

What about your dh sleeping with one kid and you sleeping with the other? Would that work? I know a lot of family bed families do this.

Other than that, I can just sympathize. Good luck!

[USAmma]

We have pretty much given up for now on our 5, nearly 6yo. She did great with moving to a big girl bed at a young age, but goes through periods where she needs extra assurance. Age 5 is often a time of nightmares and funky sleep patterns and that may be what's going on with your dd. At age 5 she understands that if she wakes us up she has to go back to her bed. If she can be quiet and respectful of our need to sleep she gets to stay. She usually comes into the bed at around 2 AM. Our older child, who I never ever thought we would get out of the bed since she's very intense and emotional, is sleeping great all night long now. I never thought I'd see the day. She's 9 and started sleeping better at around age 7. Once every couple of weeks she complains that her little sister is getting more snuggle time, so we arrange for a sleepover with her and I in the guest room. When she was younger and having sleep issues, she would often be happy to just sleep in a sleeping bag on the floor in our room and that worked out great, too.

[beanma]

How big are your kids' bed(s)? It might work better for you to go snuggle with them in their bed(s) when they wake up and then come back to your bed after they fall back asleep.

My girls are 8 and 6. They have a bunk bed with a double bed on the bottom. Both of them and I start the night out there. They fall asleep and usually I do, too (something about that sleepy baby breath). If I can wake myself back up early in the night and go to our bed they have been sleeping through in their bed or sleeping almost all the way through. If I can't wake myself early in the evening, but wake later (like 1 or 2am) then inevitably one or both of them will come crawl in with us within a couple of hours. I don't know why the time I get out of the bed matters, but somehow it seems like it does.

Anyway, before I hit on this I had told myself that no matter how sleepy I was when they came in to get in my bed I was going to walk them back to their bed and get in there and snuggle there so they wouldn't get used to getting in our bed all the time and we could have our own space. I don't really mind them coming in once in awhile, but every night gets old. It's hard to make myself get up when I'm really comfy, but I think it might be a good solution for us.

[gcgirl]

I vote for a sleeping place on the floor of your room. My sister and I did that for years (not every night, just once in a while). There's no reason they can't be "with" you and yet not in your bed.

[TiredX2]

Moved to The Family Bed & Nighttime Parenting

[Maluhia]

Have you talked to them about this in the daytime, what do they say?

Are they dealing with any new stressors that you can address?

Are you willing to allow them in "on Saturday" or one day per week so that they know it will happen, just not constantly?

Do reward charts, etc. work for them with moving out of the bed nightly?

[oceanbaby]

They do share a room, and they each have their own twin bed, which makes it hard for us to sleep in there with them. We have a King, but both kids end up all over me, and I'm either squished in the middle or hanging off the side.

I can kind of handle ds2 being in there - he's sometimes still and quiet and snuggly, but then I feel guilty for letting him stay but not ds1.

I'm not sure why this is happening right now. I don't think there are any particular stressors. Ds1 did say something about being cold, but he makes it pretty tough - he won't wear pajamas, he won't use a top sheet, and he kicks off his covers. I've given him extra blankets in the past but they just end up halfway off the bed with his comforter.

I guess we could set up a little sleeping area in our room, but I don't really want to. I mean, I love snuggling with them, and I wish I could sleep better with them both there. It's ds1 that's really the hardest. He is a sweet, lovey dovey kid, but man, he is so wirey and fidgety. Ds2 is much more soft and squishy!

I don't want them to feel bad or scared or lonely, and I loved all the years of cosleeping, but I'm just really really tired now.

[beanma]

oceanbaby, can you squish their beds together to make them one big king. 2 twins= a king. That's what I was considering doing before we got our girls this bunk set. I figured down the road we could always separate the twins and they could each have their own bed again. Not sure what your bed frames look like or if it would work, bt it might be one course of action. Then you'd have more room for snuggling and then sneaking away, plus if they're both in the same bed maybe in their sleep they won't notice that the warm body next to them is their brother and not you!

[Gentle~Mommy :)]

Why are they suddenly coming back to your bed, did something happen to prompt this?