Thinking of (Officially) Resigning from My Family's Religion

[Cherry Alive]

I'm having a difficult time deciding whether or not to do this. It all comes down to my philosophy. I do not like the bigotry or treatment of women (and children) within my family of origin's religion.

My biological parents left their religion pretty much as soon as they weren't living with their parents anymore, but they never officially had their names removed from the church. I asked why—as I believe it's kind of hypocritical. My mom said she never had her name removed because she felt it would hurt my grandparents too much.

My husband is not tied to this religion—and has no interest in being part of it. He is concerned one of my grandmother's added our daughter's name to the roster, too. I'm really torn. I am concerned by having our names on the list, we are adding numbers to a population of people who use those numbers to politically influence politicians to enforce bigotry. I also don't like being part of anything I don't believe in. At the same time, I'm worried if I write the letter to have my (and my daughter's) name removed, we'll be causing a huge family drama.

Has anyone here dealt with this kind of thing?

[doubledutch]

Originally Posted by Cherry Alive

At the same time, I'm worried if I write the letter to have my (and my daughter's) name removed, we'll be causing a huge family drama.

how would your family know?

[holyhelianthus]

IIRC your family is LDS, right? I have left the church before (though not "officially") and can completely understand your hesitation. But you feel very strongly about this (and I can't say I myself as a Mormon disagrees with you on a lot of it) so what's the question? If you believe what they are doing as an organization is so wrong don't let family hold you back on doing what you think is the right thing. Ever. You can't be who you aren't and participate in something you so strongly abhor just for family's sake. This will wear you down. And if your family is unwilling to be accepting then truth be told it is better to have it out. Don't let them take you down.

You need peace!

Sorry I am not very much help. I just wanted to encourage you to stand up for you and your daughter. I know there are a lot of other folks who have gone through this...

[Starcat2]

There are a lot of support groups out there for people leaving (like pp said it sounds like lds) the religion. One thing you can put in your resignation letter is that this matter is between you and officiating members and with no one else involved in the religion. That if you receive information that your grandmother has been notified then you will bring legal action against them.

If they do let her know and she brings it up try to brush it off with, "sorry but that's a private matter with DH, the kids, and I. It's not up for discussion." good luck!

[genifer]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cherry Alive View Post

At the same time, I'm worried if I write the letter to have my (and my daughter's) name removed, we'll be causing a huge family drama.

how would your family know?

Im assuming someone would tell them! I almost guarantee they would, perhaps even in an effort to stir things up.

Cherry alive... Do you just want to avoid the hassle, the controversy with family? Like maggie said, Ill echo the same sentiments. Why should that matter to you. *I* wouldnt want my name on a church register if I didnt agree with its teaching and I too feel very strongly about it (I AM a christian, a very active an devoted one at that). Are you afraid how far this would go? You've broken away from the religion and would doing this force ties to be severed between family and you dont want the crap to hit the fan. Is this it?

My next question is (if the answer is something like 'yes')... will there come a time when this matter should be laid on the table to be dealt with anyway?

[umsami]

: Mama

It sounds like your parents would be O.K., but your grandparents may have issues with it. I think that if you can at least have your parents' support, it will be much easier.... especially as they are your daughter's grandparents.

I know there have been ex-LDS support threads here... so you might want to reach out to some of them.

http://mothering.com/discussions/sho...ghlight=ex+lds

http://mothering.com/discussions/sho...ghlight=ex+lds

Do you live in Utah or another majority-LDS area? Are there ways that this could affect you outside of your family's reaction?

It's a tough decision, and I wish you peace with whatever choice you make.

[Adele_Mommy]

Cherry Alive - I think you should get your and your family's names removed from the list. I suspect any drama caused by this action will be short-lived. Your grandparents must already be aware you have no real ties to the church, so your decision to officially resign should not be that big a shock.

I do have a question for you and anyone else who is knowledgeable about the LDS church (if that is the church we are discussing). Does the church have tax exempt status as a church? If so, are you sure they use church membership rosters to show support of political action? Because doing so is illegal and they could lose their church tax-exempt status. I know the LDS church forms and/or supports secondary organizations for political and lobbying activity, and I thought this was to keep these actions separate from the church and thereby protect their tax exempt status. If this is the purpose for these secondary organizations, then they cannot use church membership as evidence of support of these causes and cannot use church rosters for lobbying activity.

[holyhelianthus]

Originally Posted by Adele_Mommy

Cherry Alive - I think you should get your and your family's names removed from the list. I suspect any drama caused by this action will be short-lived. Your grandparents must already be aware you have no real ties to the church, so your decision to officially resign should not be that big a shock.

I do have a question for you and anyone else who is knowledgeable about the LDS church (if that is the church we are discussing). Does the church have tax exempt status as a church? If so, are you sure they use church membership rosters to show support of political action? Because doing so is illegal and they could lose their church tax-exempt status. I know the LDS church forms and/or supports secondary organizations for political and lobbying activity, and I thought this was to keep these actions separate from the church and thereby protect their tax exempt status. If this is the purpose for these secondary organizations, then they cannot use church membership as evidence of support of these causes and cannot use church rosters for lobbying activity.

That part confused me as well. I haven't heard of the church using it's rosters in this way (and yes we do have tax-exempt status). But I am curious about this. Does anyone have anymore information?