can't breastfeed - devastated (min. amount of time to use donor milk?)

[livvie97]

don't know if this is the right place to vent...I had my 2-week old baby girl 3 weeks early (induction, then c-section (which was horrible enough) for iugr and preeclampsia), and my milk supply is practically non-existent. We've been using donor milk, but can't afford to do that for long. I feel like the worst mother in the world and can't stop crying.

I had breast surgery in the past, and I'm sure that's what the problem is, and in the last two weeks I've tried everything short of prescription meds (fenugreek, pumping, lots of boob time, oatmeal, mother's milk tea, skin to skin, etc.) and met with lc's (including non-hospital ones) and the general consensus is that I am not going to be able to bf. the max i'm getting is about 3-4 ounces a day, and it's just not going up at all. and BC of the preeclampsia, I can't get a doctor to prescribe domperidone or reglan.

I read on here about milkshare, which sounds great, but I think it just makes me feel a little bit uncomfortable (which is probably stupid...but it does) so I just can't see any other options.

Is there a minimum amount of time that we should be using the donor milk before switching to formula? I think we can only afford to do it for 1 month - 6 weeks....but we could maybe do it a little longer if it would make a huge difference?

does anyone on here formula feed, or is it an abomination? My husband is wonderful and says she'll survive and be fine, but I feel like a total failure and horrible person. I feel like all our other efforts (organic food during pregnancy, toxin-free nursery, etc.) are crap if we're giving her formula.

Anyone else have advice, or been in the same situation?

[averlee]

First, you are NOT the worst mother in the world! That is crazy talk! I think you should try to erase that line from your mind.
I don't know any "minimum" time that breastmilk is essential, but I do know that even 1 breastfeeding session in infancy has benefit. A little is better than none.
And I just have to say, wow, congrats on your dedication and huge effort.
Then also- we are so freakin fortunate that we have not only grocery stores with safe nutritious formula, but plenty of clean water also. Many mamas worldwide have nothing.
Listen to this- it will be ok. It is not breastfeeding that makes or breaks the mother-child relationship. Some moms who breastfeed do other things "wrong" like maybe plop the baby in a bouncy seat in front of Baby Einstein all day, right? And I've known some formula feeding mamas who are AWESOME mamas- talking and laughing with baby all day, keeping baby in arms day and night, using sign language, co-sleeping, baby wearing...
"All our other efforts are crap" is more crazy talk. Doing everything as good as you can is not futile, no matter what! Mama, you have my support. I'm a breastfeeder myself but I've been darn lucky everything's been easy for me & my daughter. I bet you'll find more mamas here who support you, too.

[Baby_Cakes]

Oh goodness, mama, you are not a failure and absolutely not a horrible person!!! Look at all you have done for your baby in just two weeks! You are a wonderful, loving, caring, and beautiful mama!

That said, I hear the hurt in your voice and I know the pain you are feeling. Please know that there are plenty of women on MDC who use formula! It is not an abomination! Formula exists for these reasons -- for women who cannot breastfeed and for babies who cannot tolerate breast milk. That goodness it is available!! You are going above and beyond (and then some) to make sure your LO is healthy. You will both be fine -- no matter what you do!

Please remember this -- what makes you a good, loving mama is not what or how you feed your baby. You are so much more than that. You are her mother. She will love you and you will love her no matter what. In her eyes, you are already perfect.

And...you can absolutely still be a wonderfully attached parent regardless of whether you breastfeed or not. You don't have to turn your card in at the door! You have my support and the support of so many here at MDC. Don't think all you've done to prepare was for nothing. There is so much more to do and learn, and teach your daughter. You can do this, and you will be great.

[bedheadmaestro]

Hi,
The same thing happened to me, as far as never making much milk. I estimate I made 2 oz/day for my baby, max. She didn't poop until she was 2 weeks old, until then I had no idea I was starving her. I finally found out I have IGT, and since then, we have been using mostly homemade formula and 7 oz/day of donated breastmilk I get from a donor I met on Milkshare, who is my personal hero. The experience of Milkshare is very weird at first, but I was lucky to build a relationship with the donor mom, which helps take away the weirdness. But it isn't for everyone, and don't feel that you have to do it.

Remember that it doesn't have to be 100 percent formula or 100 percent breastmilk. Everyone told me that only 1 tablespoon of breastmilk a day has great benefits. You can nurse your baby for as long as you want to, even with only 3-4 oz a day. You don't have to wean her if you haven't already.

And, if you are really uncomfortable about using commercial formula, there is a great homemade recipe that my DD has thrived on for 7 months now. (Store-bought formula really isn't an abomination at all, but my DD is sensitive to the iron and this agrees with her)
http://www.westonaprice.org/Recipes-...mula.html#rmbf
The recipe looks crazy at first but it's very easy- also you don't have to use raw milk.
You are doing your best for your baby!

[MeAndVee]

I have Hypoplastic Breast. Basically the bottom half of my breasts didn't develop. We nursed for two months. Then I went on meds for PPD. You could use Medela Supplemental Nursing System (SNS). My LC gave me when for free when I went to see her about my lack of milk. You can have the breastfeeding experience and your baby can get a full tummy. And who knows, with the continued stimulation your breasts may start producing more milk. Also loading up on lactogenic foods can help. I ate so much garlic, oatmeal, yams, beets, and green veggies I thought I would bust! It is not the worst thing in the world to grow on formula. You love your baby...I don't even know you and I can see that clearly!

Hugs
Catherine

[KristyDi]

First I have to echo PP and tell you that you are not an awful mama or a failure or any other bad thing because you need formula. Don't allow yourself to dwell on those thoughts. Remind yourself of your love for your LO and how hard you've already worked for her.

These are the situations for which formula was invented! And thank God we have it in cases like yours.

Remember it dosen't have to be all or nothing with breast feeding. Any mama milk you can give your DD will benefit her. So take a deep breath, do what you can, and enjoy your sweet little girl.

[MonkeysRUs]

I can only imagine how heartbroken you are feeling, but I wanted to point out that breastfeeding is about more than just the milk. You may not be able to provide a sufficient amount of milk, but that doesn't mean you can't breastfeed. If your baby will go to breast, you can feed at the breast with a supplemental nursing system (SNS) if that is something that would work for you. That way you are preserving the breastfeeding relationship, and supplementing with donor milk or formula to provide for your baby's caloric needs. Your baby would also be getting any milk that you may be producing. Other mothers on MDC have done the same. Formula has it's uses, and your situation would be one of them. Feeding at the breast with an SNS may also help alleviate the grieving you are going to experience over the loss of the breastfeeding relationship you had envisioned.
If feeding with an SNS won't work for you, then have your LC teach you paced bottle feeding if she hasn't already, and make time for lots of skin-to-skin contact. Breastmilk is important, but the relationship between you and your baby is also extremely important.

[queencarr]

I have 3 boys, and 2 of them are adopted. I breastfed my preemie bio son (severe PE at 30w), and I attempted to induce lactation for #2, and didn't try with #3. My adopted babies received formula. Situations like ours are what formula is for. Your baby will do fine, there are wonderful organics available (check out Baby's Own--advertized as toddler formula but nutritional equiv to infant they just do not market to mothers of infants), and you can continue to nurse what you can if you want and supplement the rest, whether through a supplementer or by bottle, etc. Check out this sticky in the adoption forum here at MDC. At the very bottom is a section on feeding that you may find useful. There is a concept in AP adoption language called "bottlenursing". We had several discussions off and on in that forum, so feel free to search and ask us questions! Forgive me for quoting myself here, but this is at the bottom of the sticky I linked earlier:

Things to promote "bottlenursing" (from Queencarr)

* hold baby for all feedings; no wandering around with a bottle
* limit the number of people giving a bottle, ideally just Mom or Mom and Dad, especially in the first few months
* feed on demand--have bottles made ahead to make this easier
* sing, make silly faces, play kiss your toes--anything to get them to look at you and interact while they are eating
* hold them close, similar to a nursing position if possible
* bottlefeed with as much skin to skin contact as they and you are comfortable with
* hold the bottle for baby--(my rationale behind this is that if baby were nursing, he would be dependent on me to provide his milk, therefore I feel it is developmentally appropriate that he not feed himself. On the few times he has reached to hold it I let him hold my hands instead.)


Also, when I was researching PE some of the meds, mainly mag sulfate, can "delay" milk coming in. I'm sorry I can't cite now, it has been too long. But I didn't have more than a half oz or so a day for a couple of weeks at least (ds1 received pumped milk for 5m before he was able to nurse so I know how much I was pumping). I didn't even have colostrum for several days, and never that overbearing fullness many women talk about. If I am reading your post right, you only delivered 2 weeks ago, so don't count out the possibility that your milk supply will increase as the effects of teh drug and illness leave your body. In your situation, I would consider supplementing with a lactaid. None of my little ones ever liked it at the breast, but we did successfully finger feed with it for ds1 (simulates bf and can be easier to transition than from a bottle). If you would like more info on how I increased supply and pumped exclusively for 5 months, or on bottlenursing or just to commiserate about PE or whatever, feel free to PM me.

[dkenagy]

I wanted to chime in with a "you're not a horrible mom" and a "your other efforts are not for naught"... I second, third, and ninth that any amount of breastmilk and skin-to-skin time you give your daughter is precious and so worth it.
I also wanted to ask why they wouldn't give you a prescription? I had pre-e with my last and had to establish my milk supply with a breastpump as my premature son lay in an incubator and received my milk via NG tube. My OB prescibed reglan for me because I was having a very hard time growing my supply with no skin-to-skin contact from my son. I was able to discontinue it after about a week because my supply grew quickly and my son got to the point that I could actually hold him and even try to nurse him a couple times a day, but I have never heard that pre-e and reglan are mutually exclusive...?

[BeckC]

(((HUGS)))

To echo what everyone else said, you are not the worst mother in the world. Oh my goodness, please please don't beat yourself up about this.

I know it feels like 3-4 oz a day is hardly anything at all, but you might be surprised at what breastmilk can do! In fact, I'm planning to induce lactation to breastfeed my adopted baby and 3-4 oz a day is my goal. Beyond that a friend has offered to pump for me, and beyond that we'll probably be using formula. I don't love the idea of formula, but we'll use an organic brand (Baby's Only from Nature's One) from a company I trust which does make me feel better.

Breastfeeding can be more than breastmilk. If you'd like to continue breastfeeding, you can always supplement at the breast with a SNS or Lact-Aid if you're not already doing that. Even if most of the baby's nutrition comes from formula, supplementing at the breast will hopefully keep up your current supply which will still provide your daughter with lots of wonderful things.

Even if you decide to stick to bottles, you can still bottlenurse. Bottlenursing is bottlefeeding while holding your baby close, skin to skin, and connecting and bonding them the way you would if they were breastfeeding.

Again mama, please don't beat yourself up. Parenting is not all or nothing, and no one is perfect. Feed her with love and enjoy this time with her.

[ladyleah]

Hey Mamma-- don't beat yourself up--- you are doing all that you can, and your LO will be just fine no matter what happens!!! We are sending lots of hugs to you!

BTW- You can order Domperidone from www.inhousepharmacy.com without a script. Many on the boards do this, and I did as well. It arrived within 10 days, and is totally "legit".

[Kailey's mom]

contact your local le leche league ASAP. A mom from our local LLL is the one who supplied donor milk for my dd for free =*D She's also a mom on here. If you go to "find your tribe" and make a post there, you might find someone who will be more than willing to help out in the donor milk dept there is also a yahoo group called milkshare..just do a search and you'll find it. Keep nursing.. 3-4 ounces IS a big deal!!!! I agree with other posters, once you body is rid of the pre-e.. your supply may increase. Also, when you are 6 week PP, I'm sure you could get a script for reglan.

[Denae524]

*hugs*
I know how horrible that is. I waited and waited and waited for my milk to come in. I tried all the stuff you did and I cried every time I had to give my baby formula. The only thing that worked for me is Domperidone and I ordered it from inhousepharmacy when my baby was about 5 weeks old. I still have to take it to keep my supply up. If I go down too low the baby lets me know.

[feminist~mama]

You're a fabulous mama!

You've gotten great advice here- I'd echo to continue nursing, try a supplemental nursing system, and use donor milk as long as you can afford to.

[waiting2bemommy]

I'm so sorry.....I'm due with my 2nd baby in a couple months and I know I would be devastated as well under those circumstances.

I hope I won't get in trouble for posting this link here, but I used this formula recipe for my ds as an emergency backup. I didn't use it until he was older, around 9-10 months, but the few times he had it he seemed to like it and, well, you can read the link and just check it out. And don't give up on nursing with whatever milk you do have....the bonding experience still makes it worth it!