We had a 100% dry potty-training day! But...

[Harmony96]

...potty training is nowhere near done. I'm no longer either relaxed or stress-free about it. If I take her to the potty all day long, she will use the toilet. If I leave her alone, she'll use her diaper. If I put her in a Pull-up, she'll use the Pull-up. If I put her in panties, she'll use the panties (at least I think she will... it's been a couple of months since we've last tried those... I really don't fancy cleaning poop out of something that doesn't open at the sides). I do not know how to transition her head from me taking her all the time to her taking herself all the time. I no longer think that it will "click" for her and she'll "magically" train just "all of a sudden" one day.

But I don't know what I need to do. I don't know if I need to start taking the "accidents" more seriously or if she still really doesn't know what's going on and they really are accidents.

I had been giving DD chocolate chips. Then last week, I transitioned to a sticker chart. The top of the chart has pictures on it, to show what will earn her a sticker (pee in potty, poop in potty, telling mom and dad that she needs to go potty, having a dry diaper) and what will not earn her a sticker (a wet diaper going into the pail and a dirty diaper going into the potty and the pail). At the bottom is a picture of her "big" prize, some Dora panties.

The chart took a few days to catch on, but she seemed to like it. When I'd take her, she'd let me know that she needs a sticker for this or that, and I'd give her one and she'd put it on the chart.

Sunday morning, she woke up for the day wet, which was normal. I put her in a Pull-up (which is what I've been doing every Sunday lately b/c if she happens to be dry, then a Pull-up is easier to take off and on in the bathroom than a pinned prefold) and she was able to keep that SAME Pull-up on ALL DAY LONG. And it was a LONG day, too, b/c we went out to eat after church and didn't get home again until after 10. She was dry through her nap and everything.

I save the Pull-ups just for church (they are $$$ and we can't wash and reuse them... and somebody tried once, lol) but try to take DD to the potty pretty regularly when we're at home, and I constantly remind her to go to the potty or tell me if she needs to go or whatever. She rarely initiates (and by "rarely" I mean that she's done it a whopping 3 times in her life. Her. Whole. Life). She never lets me know she's wet. She never lets me know she's dirty.

Yesterday, she had wet diaper after wet diaper. I had to go potty at one point when she had one, so I took off her wet diaper while I was tending to my business. Then, unprompted, she sat down on her little potty and did both #1 and #2. After I was finished, we did the stickers and she asked for a Pull-up. I gave her one and let her know that if she wet/dirtied it then she'd be getting a diaper.

We left the bathroom and then not even five minutes later, there was poop in the Pull-up. Later that evening (after a multitude of wet diapers) she had a #2 diaper that took about 15 minutes to clean up. I was very upset. I told her how I felt about it, and let's just say I wasn't soft and gentle w/ my tone of voice. blush This morning she had another #2 diaper that also took just about that long to clean up, and I had a similar reaction to that one as well.

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So what are my options?

- put her straight in panties and just realize that I'll need to somehow find an hour or two each day to deal with the mess?
- let her run around bottomless and not only find an hour or two for daily cleaning, but then also have to re-train her to hold it once she DOES wear bottoms again (and this option even assumes that she would "get it" this way)? (by the way, please remember that 1) we live in a yardless apartment and 2) even if we did have a yard, it's cold outside now.)
- put the potty away, put the sticker chart away, and don't even mention potty training, and continue to use diapers indefinitely?

I don't know what other options, if any, are out there.

[mommajb]

Duh! I forgot what year it is. I was reading Benjamin as being 2 yo.

Take a break, she'll get it in the spring.

[K-Mom3]

Just want to say, I'm in a similar place. I've been potty training on and off for a long LONG time (for maybe 18 months) and dd still has accidents almost every day.

We did go through a pretty successful transition recently--she is taking more responsibility for toileting herself. So, she still has accidents, but they just get her clothes wet (not the floor) and I don't have to take her to the bathroom anymore. I used the Toilet Training in Less Than A Day book as a model, but obviously altered it as my child is older and had already mastered some of the skills taught in the book. We talked a lot about what it feels like when you need to pee and I think she is finally starting to understand that. We did some "practices" like described in the book--if they have an accident, practice running to the toilet from different places in the house. During that time we talk about how we don't like wet underwear and talk about everyone else who knows how to keep their underwear dry. Other times of day we talk about how big girls can learn to keep their underwear nice and dry by RUNNING to the toilet before it is too late.

The book really stresses independence. They say, once your child goes to the toilet at your request, never directly order them again. Just give indirect statements about the toilet and peeing and being a big girl and teach them to respond to those statements by thinking about if they need to pee.

We don't reward trips to the toilet--only dry time periods. First, I divided the day into 3 times periods and rewarded her at the end of that segment if she stayed dry the whole time. Now we're down to only a reward if she stays dry for a whole day.

I don't have it all figured out, of course, but you have my sympathy on the long term potty training. Good luck!

[SnglAPmama]

It sounds like maybe you should take a break. If you're feeling irritated and stressed about it, it definitely will not help your dd feel comforable going in the potty. My dd just turned 3 and is mostly going in the toilet. What I have learned that works for us is telling her "it's time to go pee in the potty now!" when it's been an hour or 2, and she usually will. She also tells me sometimes when she has to go but I think she's a little young to tell me most times. Its very common for kids to be so caught up in playing that they ignore the urge until it's too late. I feel it's part of my job to help her learn that by strongly encouraging her to take "potty breaks". Sometimes she pees her pants or (ugh) sitting on the couch. She has only pooped in her underwear twice (knock on wood) but has been going in the potty for quite awhile now. However, we went out of state to visit family during the holidays and long story short, she ended up back in diapers/pullups (which a LOT of kids think of as the same, they pee and poop in them both) but has been back in underwear since we've been home (except for nap and nighttime). She gets a small piece of candy when she goes potty (now it's only when she asks, I'm transitioning out of bribery lol).

I noticed you have a 3 month old baby, maybe that is part of her unwillingness go to in the toilet? I know it's common for the older siblings to regress when a new baby joins the family. My daughter didn't really start using the toilet regularly until she only wore underwear and peed her pants several times. I talked about it with her a lot before we made the transition and I still make sure if she has an accident not to react negatively, just clean her up and get dry clothes, no big deal. She chooses on her own sometimes to help me clean it up if it gets on the floor, which I think is good. I think it's really important to have a laid back attitude about it. It can be frustrating but if you can get yourself in a positive mindset about the learning experience and understand how important it is, that can help a lot. She might not really understand or feel the urges completely yet but she definitely will figure it out. If only our children did things according to our timetables! Wouldn't it be nice? A momma can dream!

[Harmony96]

Thanks for all the thoughts.

Originally Posted by SnglAPmama

I noticed you have a 3 month old baby, maybe that is part of her unwillingness go to in the toilet?

Well she IS willing. She easily and readily goes whenever I ask her to. I just don't know how much longer it'll be until she asks herself to go instead of me asking her to go, ya know? And I don't know what to do to move that process along.

[SnglAPmama]

Hmm, that isn't something I've thought much about. I worked at a daycare and we had regularly scheduled times through the day where all the kids would go potty and most of them went during those times (after eating and before and after nap) and most of them were just on that schedule. They didn't say they had to go much cuz they were on a schedule and there weren't many who had "accidents" either, just the kids who had just stared wearing underwear. I guess that's the approach I take with my daughter too, just taking her every so often to potty. I think as children get older they learn what the sensation of having to go to the bathroom means, but for some kids it takes longer than others. It's another one of those things where the spectrum of "normal" is such a wide range. I guess I just assume as we go along eventually I will stop taking her and she will go when she needs to. Good luck!!!!

[JBaxter]

Once I started potty training with my boys I did no pull ups/diapers during the day. If I put them on they peed in them. We did bottomless for the first week or so then did commando after that for several months. In our house undies=messes. I also set a timer for 60-90 minutes and did a required potty try. I also did chocolate chips but a hershy kiss if he manged a poo. On chip for a try, 3 for a pee and hershy kiss for a poop ( no matter how tiny of a poo LOL)

With DS3 if he was bottomless he went on his own if he had pants on he wanted me to help. That lasted a while